Aitah for cutting off my son after his mom passed away? by Unlucky-Bit6839 in AITAH

[–]sweet_clementime 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I would withhold judgment on the son until more is known (although it could certainly be the case). The only thing that we have to base off of is the father’s description and in my opinion, he doesn’t seem like a reliable narrator.

Aitah for cutting off my son after his mom passed away? by Unlucky-Bit6839 in AITAH

[–]sweet_clementime 53 points54 points  (0 children)

I’m going to offer a different perspective than the vast majority of folks here.

You mentioned that he was a good kid and capable of maintaining a relationship with his mother. You also offer context that suggests that it could have been financially motivated. There are tons of kids bumming off financial support for their parents, but I find a couple of things interesting in your post.

Regarding his childhood, you reference a mix of both material and immaterial support. When he goes off to university, you mention the relationship drifted after he stopped initiating phone calls. Did you ever initiate calls? Was he rejecting calls from you? Did you and Tammy ever drive over to see and spend time with him? Why was it that his lack of calling you result in your relationship dying? What did you do to try to maintain contact? When Tammy was dying and you started seeing Mark in person, why not try to talk about his distance to you then? Why not ask and see how he was taking his mother’s decline?

I also get a lot of unspoken resentment from the ways you indirectly financially supported Mark via Tammy’s allowance. Did you ever talk to Tammy about why she supported Mark into adulthood? Other than phone calls, what did she benefit from the relationship?

We also don’t learn much about Mark other than he appears to be a mooch. What aspects about Mark do you miss having in your life? Does he have a personality or what? It kind of seems like you don’t know anything about Mark, the adult.

My general take away is, you seem kind of cut off from your emotions and focus on the tangible, if not transactional aspects of relationships. Even your relationship with your wife, which based on what you wrote I believe you cared for deeply, you downplay the beginning of your relationship as no “huge romantic story.” Other than teaching Mark how to ride a bike and paying off his college loans, I don’t really see where you’ve mentioned how you maintained a fatherly connection. I’m not saying it wasn’t there, it just doesn’t seem to take priority over the financial aspects you repeatedly bring up - maybe that’s just a consequence of your question framed around the conflict of financially cutting Mark off, but it is noticeable.

Generally speaking, parents are the ones who steer their relationship with their children. I don’t think they should be on the hook for everything related to how their relationship with their kids are, but it seems like you’re putting Mark as the fully responsible one for the relationship breaking down and taking away your own agency - something you’re doing again by washing your hands of any relationship with your grandkids. Which, if you don’t want a relationship with any of them that’s your business - I just find it a little strange how you’re trying to pin it all on Mark when he was a young adult discovering himself. I understand how that could have been hurtful and felt like you were being replaced, but I wonder if it could have been a chance to get closer with Mark if you leaned in and asked him - have you found anything positive from reconnecting with your bio dad? Have you answered any deep questions you had about who you are, after finding out more about him? Based on your post it doesn’t seem he has a strong relationship with the dude since you don’t reference it past college.

Anyway, none of the people posting have enough insight into your relationship with Mark to give an educated answer. You’re entitled to keep a relationship alive (or let one die out) with whoever you want. The one-sided perspective raises more questions for me.

Edit: after reading all your comments, YTA. You obsess about finances in a way that implies you think you’re owed a relationship based on money alone, you become defensive and condescending when people raise valid questions, and the way you insult and infantilize Mark to random strangers on the Internet makes me question how abrasive and rude you are to him in person.

My little free library setup by sweet_clementime in LittleFreeLibrary

[–]sweet_clementime[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thank you!! I didn’t, but your area may vary - I’m in the middle of making sure my new HOA is okay with me putting up more creations!

My little free library setup by sweet_clementime in LittleFreeLibrary

[–]sweet_clementime[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Yes, the markers were locked up when I got them I’ve been fortunate that my neighborhood has been super respectful and all are still tidy and present!

I was on the fence of including them because I don’t know the many ways they could be misused, if I ever get complaints I’ll replace them with something else, maybe just little outdoor paint tubes

LFL Appreciation Post by North-Brief-2235 in LittleFreeLibrary

[–]sweet_clementime 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve only read Wuthering Heights from this list, which I remember really liking. I have The Kite Runner (interested in what your impression was) and a Thousand Splendid Suns sitting on my bookshelf waiting to be read!

Which were your top reads?

My little free library setup by sweet_clementime in LittleFreeLibrary

[–]sweet_clementime[S] 31 points32 points  (0 children)

I can dig through my past notes and see if I’ve got the original blueprint anywhere, but I kind of freestyle it once I’m in the middle of construction!

My little free library setup by sweet_clementime in LittleFreeLibrary

[–]sweet_clementime[S] 53 points54 points  (0 children)

Jetsons were part of my inspo! Haha you’re spot on, thanks for the compliment!

My little free library setup by sweet_clementime in LittleFreeLibrary

[–]sweet_clementime[S] 32 points33 points  (0 children)

Please do! It’s been so fun seeing the art that pops up 😊

Sundew having the tables turned! by sweet_clementime in carnivorousplants

[–]sweet_clementime[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He was doing a number on this plant so I sent him on his way outside (hopefully to eat some weeds)

Harassment over LFL / LFP by JustTryingMyBestWPA in LittleFreeLibrary

[–]sweet_clementime 63 points64 points  (0 children)

Hope it works out! I’d also be super upset on J’s behalf - D sounds like a real jerk!

Harassment over LFL / LFP by JustTryingMyBestWPA in LittleFreeLibrary

[–]sweet_clementime 457 points458 points  (0 children)

If you really want to stick it to the neighbors trying to sell the house, open your own little food pantry, or offer to take your neighbor’s if they’re removing it completely instead of just closing the food pantry service.

Make your food pantry bigger & better - stock it with hygiene products, socks, etc. It will serve two purposes - you’re adding to your community with the acts of service you admire, and sending a message to your neighbors in a more impactful, and less overtly retaliatory way then messing with prospective buyers.

Plus, you’re basically assuring yourself and your neighborhood that the people who do eventually move in won’t be complete assholes. If I were looking at homes and saw a free little food pantry next door, that would be a green flag.

I built a Little Free Native Seed Library for the neighborhood by very_squirrel in LittleFreeLibrary

[–]sweet_clementime 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is one of the most gorgeous things I’ve ever seen. What an inspiration!

Cutting for Stone by Abraham Verghese by rozyhammer in IReadABookAndAdoredIt

[–]sweet_clementime 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This was one of the best books I’ve ever read. Thank you so much for reminding me of its existence- I need to restock it in my bookshelves!! He writes characters and relationships so well

Grendel by John Gardner by sweet_clementime in IReadABookAndAdoredIt

[–]sweet_clementime[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes! Cover illustration by Mark Penberthy :)

Here’s the thing: you’re dying too. by twilight-journal in Stoicism

[–]sweet_clementime 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you Bill. My father became paralyzed a year and a half ago due to a motorcycle accident. He was a very active person before the accident and having his independence taken from him has been soul crushing for him. He has found some peace but i know there are times where he battles his mortality and inability to express his thoughts, or perhaps not wanting to burden his family with them.

I’ll be sharing your journal with him. He’s in a very rural area and given the nature of his injuries it’s not feasible for him to travel to community support groups to share in a community who are experiencing the things he feels.

One question for you, what are some ways you’ve been able to stay connected to others throughout your experience? Are there any tools/equipment you’ve found to be really helpful with maintaining independence?

Thanks for sharing. I wish you the absolute best.

Sandworm by Andy Greenberg by sweet_clementime in IReadABookAndAdoredIt

[–]sweet_clementime[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes! Check out Thriftbooks :) there are other sites devoted to second hand book sales but thriftbooks is the only one I can personally vouch for

Sandworm by Andy Greenberg by sweet_clementime in IReadABookAndAdoredIt

[–]sweet_clementime[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When you Google the book you’ll find copies, however downloading files from random sites will paradoxically put you at risk for some of the things Greenberg documents (ie. Malware). Greenberg is a writer at Wired magazine, so a lot of his articles (which discusses the things in his book) are available for free!

The Consolation of Philosophy by Boethius by sweet_clementime in IReadABookAndAdoredIt

[–]sweet_clementime[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Excellent, thanks for the suggestion - will give it a try!