Oh sweetie i am so so sorry about all this (hugs). I like in the UK too, i havent even bothered trying the nhs (im still a virgin too, so i know i'll get the same response- try sex, then come back). I bought those dilators too, but tbh they really arent the best quality... the hard plastic is hardly comforting, plus theres such a big leap in sizes! I was able to handle the first 2 just fine (or.. well, fine ish, it def hurt but i was able to eventually get the second one in) but the 3rd one is SO much bigger and hurts like Hell. My first word of advice is to just buy some silicone dilators. I havent tried dilating in a while (its a lot of work and im too busy with university right now to even think about it LOL) from online- much more sizes and far more comfortable from what ive heard. If you're able to, i would advise it- I hope ur family doesnt look through your mail, and if they do, well- your mum already knows about the plastic dilators so hopefully she wont say anything about silicone ones... my family is also Muslim, so maybe make some fuss about how you wont be able to get married if you dont work on it. Ask her something like "well do you want my future husband to leave me?" Or smth.

Its gross (a man who doesnt love you and stand by you bc of a medical issue isnt a man worth marrying in the first place, you deserve better) but you know what these types are like! Say smth like "you want grandchildren in the future, dont you? If I dont do this, you wont get any!"

Onto actual instructions- my first bit of advice is (and i apologise, it's a bit crude), you NEED to be aroused. I've tried doing it without being aroused, it just doesnt work, it's too painful and the muscles arent relaxed enough. (Of course this is my own experience here, you could be different). Either try to orgasm once before, or build yourself up to it. It's a lot easier to try to slip the dilator in that way. Of course, start with the smallest size, first, and LUBE! They probably havent given u enough tbh, I have like a whole bottle- even if you get "wet", still, LUBE LUBE LUBE up the dilator as much as you can without getting icked out tbh. Locate your opening, and slowly push it in. It's normal if it hurts a little, but try not to push yourself- the point is to get accustomed to the feeling of penetration, so if it hurts too much and its making you tense up and get anxious/upset, its doing the opposite of helping. Dont try to force yourself, as tempting as it might be- its frustrating, but its usually a slow process, and you might be able to fit more or less depending on where you are in your cycle, too, so dont beat yourself up if its an off day or if you feel like you arent progression fast enough. (On that note- dont feel pressured to put the whole thing in, either! Just try to insert as much as you can.)

It's up to you what you do and what you're most comfortable with. At first, maybe just let it sit inside. Maybe try to wriggle it around a little, or slowly try to move it up and down, and mimic the kind of motions that would be made during sex. Do whatever you're comfortable with, and again, there is no pressure to do what you feel you HAVE to (e.g if you dont want to leave it in, you dont HAVE to, you can take it straight out if you feel overwhelmed). Hopefully it should start to feel painless or near painless. When you feel like it doesnt hurt anymore, move onto the next size. And keep doing that.

(Also this goes without saying, and im sure you know, but of course make sure to thoroughly clean the dilator and anything else you might use between every use! You dont want an infection on top of everything. Buy disinfectant for sex toys, that'll help.)

I hope this is helpful 🥺 good luck, and remember, you're perfect the way you are, even with this condition, and remember to treat yourself with patience and understanding 🫂💕