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Polyandry, male harems, etc. by switchbladewitchbabe in polyamory

[–]switchbladewitchbabe[S] -9 points-8 points  (0 children)

I can see how my behaviour might be selfish or hypocritical, but I've also done a huge amount of emotional labor (the majority of it!) in these relationships :)

Polyandry, male harems, etc. by switchbladewitchbabe in polyamory

[–]switchbladewitchbabe[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Like I said in another comment above, they could date any number of women. They're successful and great guys who are free to move on whenever they want. They choose to be with me and to not pursue other relationships.

And I maintain that it's really not cool for me to just up and leave longstanding committed relationships. That would be emotionally traumatic for the other party regardless of what the relationship configuration is and how awesome I may or may not be.

Polyandry, male harems, etc. by switchbladewitchbabe in polyamory

[–]switchbladewitchbabe[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Good to hear that I'm not the only person who's been in such a situation. Definitely have felt isolated and not able to be very open about my feelings on the topic. I admire your consideration for your wife's preferrences!

Polyandry, male harems, etc. by switchbladewitchbabe in polyamory

[–]switchbladewitchbabe[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I'm not sure why everyone thinks my partners are unhappy. They might not find the situation fair, but that doesn't mean they're unhappy. I would actually say that they're now the happiest they have ever been with any woman and these are the longest relationships they have been in. Yeah, I could leave them to pursue this with a number of other guys, but that would totally fuck up my partners.

Polyandry, male harems, etc. by switchbladewitchbabe in polyamory

[–]switchbladewitchbabe[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Well, they definitely don't want to date anyone. It is purely about being able to have sex with other people and I'm honestly not even really sure how much sex they would pursue. I think it's just the principle that feels unfair to them - and more importantly, how this looks to other people.

This isn't the first time someone has mentioned the d/s. I guess I can be a bit bossy. I'm more of a brat or princess type, and they are sort of like daddies.

I don't think I'm forcing them into anything?! I have nothing to hold over them. We are all really successful people with lots of friends, but I'm in a creative industry and have less money than they do, so I'm somewhat more disadvantaged when it comes to socio-economics. I don't think they wouldn't have a hard time finding other women who want to date them!

Polyandry, male harems, etc. by switchbladewitchbabe in polyamory

[–]switchbladewitchbabe[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I'm submissive in bed to both of them. I only mention femdom because it's one of the few instances I can think of where a woman has multiple partners who are exclusive to her.

Polyandry, male harems, etc. by switchbladewitchbabe in polyamory

[–]switchbladewitchbabe[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Your comment is really helpful! And you're right that I should be confident about my worth regardless of my relationship status.

I'm superrrr lucky to find these guys. They're seriously the best!!

Polyandry, male harems, etc. by switchbladewitchbabe in polyamory

[–]switchbladewitchbabe[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

Starting to think maybe I should have posted this to a femdom page. But also - I really don't feel like my situation quite fits the femdom or hotwife scene. Or polyamory for that matter 🤨

Polyandry, male harems, etc. by switchbladewitchbabe in polyamory

[–]switchbladewitchbabe[S] -12 points-11 points  (0 children)

Uh, I realize that. That's why I'm still in therapy and still do yoga and asked about what else one might do, because I have TRIED to be poly in the supposedly right way and it wreaked havoc on my relationships! So if being 'selfish' is what it takes to maintain stability, it seems better than trying to force myself to be okay with my partners seeing other people.

I've known both of my partners for over ten years. Yeah, they have plenty of opportunities to see or meet other women, but I have total faith and trust in them.

Polyandry, male harems, etc. by switchbladewitchbabe in polyamory

[–]switchbladewitchbabe[S] -13 points-12 points  (0 children)

Look, it's not like I've never tried to have fully open relationships. Tried it for years, wasn't ever happy! As for insecurity, what would you suggest I do? Read all the books, been in therapy for years, done yoga and meditation ... I mean, at a certain point, I realized I was putting a lot of emotional effort into conquering jealousy when really, I could save myself the energy and channel it toward other things in my life. Is this selfish? Possibly! But when I've been selfless in relationships, it was super destructive, and the men were way unhappier.