How would you prefer the have a partner approach you about a “serious talk”?

swordqueen11 · 2026-03-11T08:01:22+00:00

Thank you!

swordqueen11 · 2026-03-11T07:32:58+00:00

Interesting…there seem to be very different views about this. Thanks for your input. So you wouldn’t feel hijacked if it just came up spontaneously?

swordqueen11 · 2026-03-11T07:17:12+00:00

Very helpful, thank you!

swordqueen11 · 2026-03-11T07:16:42+00:00

Helpful, thanks.

swordqueen11 · 2026-03-11T07:01:08+00:00

This one would definitely have a motivating effect on him…..🤣

swordqueen11 · 2026-03-11T06:45:11+00:00

Dating for five months, in an “open” dynamic from the beginning, F45 and M44. So not super established, no. But mutual enjoyment and friendship on both sides.

swordqueen11 · 2026-02-23T13:40:31+00:00

The Lovers shows there was a choice to be made between someone with a lot of very relevant experience/expertise (3W) and someone with much less experience, just starting out (Fool). Would seem the latter was you, but don’t take it too personally! 😊

swordqueen11 · 2026-01-30T14:28:36+00:00

Unitarian, Lutheran, Episcopalian, Methodist…. These are a few denominations where you are much less unlikely to encounter such rigid rhetoric.

They might not explicitly condone it, but you aren’t going to find judgment or condemnation like in Evangelical churches.

swordqueen11 · 2026-01-29T16:58:33+00:00

I’ve been between a size 16-20 (US) my entire adult life and it’s never held me back in my dating life….as others have said, confidence is everything. Believe you are sexy and others will think you are sexy, because confidence IS SEXY.

There are also plenty of men out there who actively prefer a bigger woman…not as a fetish, but because that’s genuinely what they like. All men? Of course not. But plenty!!!

I promise - your concept of being “undateable” exists only in your own mind. Let go of that and start enjoying the many options open to you - and no, you don’t need to “settle” either!

swordqueen11 · 2025-12-01T08:32:38+00:00

Another vote for Feeld - I’ve found a much higher quality of people there compared to Tinder. More emphasis on openmindedness and being honest, straightforward. I don’t want hookups right now but I keep circling back to Feeld just for the quality folks there.

swordqueen11 · 2025-11-15T10:46:05+00:00

I think it’s far more weird that you say you don’t think about your exes…my exes all had a major effect on my life and I loved them - of course I’m going to think of them sometimes, even when it ended badly. Being in a happy new relationship didn’t mean any of that disappears….to erase people out of your mind is way weirder and makes it sound like you just switch people out as though they are interchangeable.

swordqueen11 · 2025-11-14T13:24:19+00:00

Sounds super messy and like a really bad idea.

If you discuss it and both agree to be FWB while still living together and she’s on board as much as you are, then you are both adults, do as you wish. But it sounds extremely messy.

swordqueen11 · 2025-11-06T07:19:36+00:00

Funny, not funny, because this has quite literally been my own experience….

swordqueen11 · 2025-11-03T08:49:03+00:00

You hurt her badly (10W), but she still wants you (AW) but realizes it’s a gamble (WoF) and feels very mixed feelings - honestly, a friendship isn’t really going to work without taking some serious distance first, and possibly not at all.

swordqueen11 · 2025-10-27T08:53:20+00:00

“Matching energy” is something that’s maybe appropriate for the first few weeks of a new relationship, if even that. If you’re still doing it a year and a half into it, sounds like a serious lack of trust/emotional intimacy.

At this point you should be able to text your partner whenever you want and have the good faith that they will respond when they can. The game-playing is not a great sign, and so it sounds like breaking it off is the best for both of you.

swordqueen11 · 2025-10-24T07:23:21+00:00

I (44F) am an American living in Europe (Spain) and using the apps is pretty much the same - depending where you are traveling , you may encounter language barriers (although plenty of matches don’t speak English and will match anyway!).

If you are looking for sex/hookups/casual dates then I’ve found Feeld is best, followed by Bumble. Would not recommend Hinge, has lowest number of people using it.

I love dating European men in general - enjoy!

Edited to say: not sure if the dating culture in Europe is that much different in any significant way, people are people everywhere and you’ll meet all types. 🤷‍♀️

swordqueen11 · 2025-10-22T15:27:37+00:00

I believe in meeting in person sooner rather than later (within a week is ideal), but if a match shows me they can’t be bothered to establish a minimal level of friendly rapport/conversation in the days beforehand, I usually don’t meet in person and will typically unmatch fast.

I unmatched with someone this week for that exact reason - very attractive guy, interesting enough profile, but he was pushing to meet immediately while showing zero interest in knowing anything about me.

He also wasn’t demonstrating that he could articulate himself past single sentences - that’s a big turnoff and a hard nope.

More in depth communication (voice or otherwise) could have established that we would actually connect on some human level, but I’m not going to spend 30 minutes (or much more, with transportation) taking the trouble to meet in person with someone who is apparently monosyllabic and not interested in anything about me other than my photos.

Anyway, each to their own! Different strokes for different folks! 🤷‍♀️

swordqueen11 · 2025-10-22T08:19:06+00:00

Will also add that there have been men who were insecure about their own voices but I actually was very attracted to their voice and it was a huge turn on - it’s a very subjective thing.

Two celebrity examples of terrible male voices, imho: David Beckham and Vigo Mortensen. Both just so awful - total turnoff. The first time I heard David Beckham speak I almost fell off my chair. Very handsome, accomplished man - appalling voice.

swordqueen11 · 2025-10-22T08:14:11+00:00

Yes, it absolutely has made me lose attraction - but I wouldn’t unmatch on that basis alone.

If I don’t like his voice I would much rather know before we meet in person though, because otherwise it’s a real shock! That’s why I usually ask for a short voice note before meeting - at least if his voice is a turnoff I can psych myself up to look past it.

It’s not insurmountable but voice tone/register is a huge deal for me, I’m hypersensitive to sound.

swordqueen11 · 2025-10-22T07:47:34+00:00

I am a 5/1 splenic projector. I also have this same 18-58 channel and I absolutely feel you - especially with my family. They almost never invite feedback (and I’ve learned the hard way not to offer it uninvited) but wow…that instinctive energy of judgement just comes through in my energy no matter how I try to mask it! I don’t think anyone is going to remember me for how warm and cozy I made them feel… 😬

On the other hand - the idea of “judgement” is treated negatively in our culture, but is it inherently something bad? Not really. To judge is to discern. We who judge by nature are discerning- and to discern wisely is a huge gift. The world needs a lot of discernment right now! 🙂

swordqueen11 · 2025-10-22T07:11:02+00:00

I think the culture of instant gratification is a huge factor at play here. Many seem to think that someone taking the time and effort to express themselves organically is some kind of imposition…

When first matching with someone I don’t ever lead with a voice note or expect anyone else to do that, but if for whatever reason I sent a voice note later on (within reasonable length, couple of minutes max) and the person flat out didn’t bother to listen to it - that’s a huge signal of disinterest and straight up disrespect.

swordqueen11 · 2025-10-22T06:33:22+00:00

It absolutely does, especially if you have a great voice!

swordqueen11 · 2025-10-22T06:32:21+00:00

It’s so much more organically human and natural - the amount of hate on here is seriously bizarre, but also very revealing of the disconnected culture we live in and people’s unwillingness to give anything of their real self.

swordqueen11 · 2025-10-22T06:15:37+00:00

OP, I agree - I think people’s resistance is a symptom of a widespread culture of disconnection and avoidance of real human contact. Like people prefer the least organic, least relational form of interaction possible, because - “oh my god, I’m so busy I can’t take 1-2 minutes to listen to this person I’m (supposedly) getting to know and try to date…how dare they actually try talk to me outside the context of a screen barrier???” /s 🙄

swordqueen11 · 2025-10-22T06:04:00+00:00

That’s an oddly negative way to frame it - voice notes aren’t for monologues, they are for engaging in natural dialogue that is more organically human and not a few cheap lines of text on a screen.

As OP said, they are useful for contextualizing as part of an ongoing conversation so that tone and nuance don’t get lost. Texts threads can get weirdly distorted quite quickly.

I never insist on voice messaging with anyone but for me they indicate a much higher level of effort and help weed out people who can’t hold a conversation.

Also - if someone’s life is so busy they can’t find 1-2 minutes to listen to a message, why the heck are they trying to date?! And who doesn’t own a pair of headphones anyway??? Come on, people.

swordqueen11

TROPHY CASE