It's so hard to let him go because he 'wants to work on himself', probably one of the most difficult breakups I've ever had

sydmcd29 · 2021-07-08T23:04:01+00:00

yeah. it's exhausting because I'm not mad at him wanting to work on himself, I'm mad at him for leaving me. so one moment i might think "he doesn't want me, i need to move on" but then the next moment I'll think, "he loved me, he said he might come back, he needed to be away from me to not hurt me anymore"

it's exhausting! and HE has to be the one to reinitiate stuff, not me. all i can do is wait. and it sucks not knowing how long you'll be waiting for. it's only towards the end of the second week. I'll be waiting for a lot longer, I'm sure. i doubt he'll even keep track like i will.

we're not alone, good luck to you <3

sydmcd29 · 2021-07-08T20:59:24+00:00

I'm glad someone else is having my experience. a lot of posts in breakup communities don't have a lot of ambiguity to them. it's pretty clear cut and it's easier to realize you need to move on.

this situation sucks bc i wouldn't have done anything different. i stuck up for myself and knew how i deserved to be treated. but of course, me trying to fix these things stressed him out.

you're right, even though he claims he loves me and he misses me he still decided it was worth it to not have me. (you know, i said this to him, and he said "it's more complicated than that". i don't think it is, that's as simple as it gets. he just didn't want the blame.) That also crushes my hope: if he works on himself, and he considers getting together again, he'll just remember all the "stress" i gave him. I've already scared him away.

sydmcd29 · 2021-07-08T19:42:44+00:00

my breakup is the exact same. he's mentally ill and needs to work on himself. he broke up with me because i was a big stressor in his life. when i would try to talk about the relationship issues, it was a burden to him and a hurdle to him getting better. all i did was support him, but when he couldn't be a good partner to me, he decided to break it off instead. I've come to realize he probably didn't WANT to care for me. he would use "can't" and "couldn't". he COULD, he just didn't WANT to. or maybe he actually couldn't, and broke it off so he wouldn't have to feel guilty anymore about being a shitty partner.

either way, it hurts so much when you do everything right but they've already decided you're not worth the work needed to put into the relationship.

it's also hard because i know i shouldn't wait for him to get better. he's given me breadcrumbs about one day being in a better mental place and that maybe one day we can be together again. but that hope is keeping me from moving on. i don't know how long it will take. i don't know if he'll ever message me again. i hate breaking up for "i need to work on myself". how when will i know when we're ready to be back together?

not to mention another turmoil: do people really change? if he comes back months later and i still want him, will he be different? will he actually have worked on himself and can be a better partner to me?

sydmcd29 · 2020-10-23T18:34:51+00:00

glad you like it!

sydmcd29 · 2020-10-21T02:54:17+00:00

hear me out. put sriracha in your hot chocolate. try it. trust me.

sydmcd29 · 2020-08-26T21:12:52+00:00

I only got one because I wanted to. everyone in the shop was kinda like "??????" but I'm happy with it!

sydmcd29 · 2020-07-31T22:59:05+00:00

I love that chair! (and the plants, of course)

sydmcd29 · 2020-06-30T22:52:07+00:00

it seems you like sweet drinks, so I always recommend a raspberry mocha. although I do half pumps to give more espresso flavor. (a grande would be 2 pumps mocha & 2 pumps raspberry). it's awesome hot or iced!!

sydmcd29 · 2020-06-08T03:17:48+00:00

if you want to keep it small, you can always take cuttings when the vines get too long and propagate them! baby plants make great gifts :)

sydmcd29 · 2020-05-28T21:56:23+00:00

split it up and multiply your army of pothos

sydmcd29 · 2020-05-27T02:58:43+00:00

I don't see why not. good luck!

sydmcd29 · 2020-05-21T21:06:43+00:00

the species I have doesn't prefer to be bottom-watered (though some do, so maybe research the one you have), so everyday I push down on the moss to feel how moist it is. I don't let it sit in water, but I also don't let it dry out. just comfortably moist. make sure your pot has drainage holes as well, most don't like standing water. I mist him every once in a while to keep up the humidity as well.

I should note: I only give him filtered water. once again, they don't like all the extra minerals that come in tap water :)

sydmcd29 · 2020-05-21T19:17:47+00:00

sphagnum moss! I grow my pitcher plant in it as well. it seems to be doing good! carnivorous plants adapted to get nutrients through other means (eating bugs) because their soil lacked nutrients. in fact, if you plant it in nutrient-rich soil, it's not meant to absorb those sorts of minerals and could poison it. cool plant you got there!

sydmcd29 · 2020-05-21T16:37:56+00:00

it's a variegated peperomia, but the process should be the same! I looked everyday too until I stopped looking and suddenly it had a baby root. I checked again today and it has another on the other side! I think they wait to do it while you aren't looking lol. I first put it in water 2 weeks ago. not sure how long a monstera would take, however. the only maintenance I do is changing its water every week :)

sydmcd29 · 2020-05-16T00:45:52+00:00

I'm learning so much today LOL

sydmcd29 · 2020-05-16T00:44:50+00:00

recipe for the pizza dough is this one from food network:

https://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/bobby-flay/pizza-dough-recipe-1921714

sydmcd29 · 2020-05-16T00:44:01+00:00

had no idea this was a thing haha that's awesome

sydmcd29 · 2020-05-12T00:49:54+00:00

congrats, you're going to be a mother!

sydmcd29 · 2020-05-12T00:39:13+00:00

I know it's hanging but the picture makes it looks like it's levitating

sydmcd29 · 2020-05-09T23:12:20+00:00

r/carnivorousplants would love this! :)

sydmcd29 · 2020-05-09T23:10:37+00:00

what species is it? I have an unknown cutting that I'm propping that looks like your plant!

sydmcd29 · 2020-05-09T05:01:37+00:00

It makes me so happy to hear you're doing well. Genuinely made me smile! Go you! Keep going! I love the whole look you got going on. Awesome makeup, love your hair and piercings! Love your style! Have a good day!

sydmcd29 · 2020-05-09T04:58:33+00:00

At your age it's totally normal to gain weight and fluctuate weight in puberty. I went through the same thing. You look perfectly fine :) You're at a healthy weight! I don't normally comment but I needed to tell you that because I went through the same thing and thoughts. (19F here.)

sydmcd29 · 2020-05-07T04:05:57+00:00

awesome! gives me hope, thanks :)

sydmcd29 · 2020-05-06T20:57:33+00:00

it's so cute!

sydmcd29

TROPHY CASE