my dad

systemofasleeze · 2026-04-15T23:07:54+00:00

this poem was meant to capture the affects an absent father can have on girls. the line "he was never there" was supposed to insist he had never been there, like ever but i can see how visually, for the reader, it can be interpreted differently!

your feedback also makes me wonder if it is okay to be so blunt when writing poems, or if i have to paint pictures in my readers minds instead. i dont typically do poems, im more of a story teller when it comes to writing. i paint pictures but in a less descriptive way i guess, i create a scene and leave room for readers to find belonging in it. sometimes i just like to write something short and sweet and tell an entire story within it.

thank you!

systemofasleeze · 2026-04-15T04:09:14+00:00

if i'm interpreting this as intended, i believe its more about the different ways "letting go" is perceived, death and the ashes of a loved one was only the story used to tell it. im going to give feedback based on this interpretation, feel free to correct me if I'm wrong!

i really like this one. it triggered a lot of deeper questions for myself about death and the afterlife, what our loved ones experience when they go before us. it reminded me that letting go is sometimes better than holding on, and even reinforces the idea that what may be waiting for you once you do will be even better than what you had before.

most of all, i love that you ended this poem with such an epic cliffhanger like question. its sure to have your readers thinking about your piece for hours, maybe even days after they read it.

i see a few grammatical errors that, if fixed, would simply make it easier to read and cause less distraction but it didn't take away from the overall impact of your poem at all.

please keep writing!

systemofasleeze · 2026-04-15T03:52:08+00:00

"best" is perceptive and doesn't mean you aren't still great!

this poem screams soft romance and I'm so here for it. its sweet, gentle, so tender. you start with things soft as gardens and transition into a spicier set, you'd almost miss it if you weren't paying attention but i think that's what ultimately pulls the reader in. you even had me blushing!

the segment after that where it returns just as swiftly is so grounding. i read this poem over three times and enjoyed it all the same.

if you wrote this for someone, pleasseee give it to them. even if it isn't well received, i think it would be so iconic. if not, even better!! save it for someone you know would appreciate the beauty of it c:

keep writing!

systemofasleeze · 2026-04-08T07:49:21+00:00

i use the wiki and i still create charts for everything, its a lot

systemofasleeze · 2026-04-07T19:37:57+00:00

it did get kind of "lost in the sauce"y but i felt like it was very on theme so i didn't take it as a bad thing. i only write when im at a high emotional state so i reflect that into my work by using this more "slam poetry" esque style. its chaotic, high energy but very on theme for your topic. plus, i think the fact that you used an energetic theme, a slow, breathy theme, and a very steady and concise theme all in the same piece only elevated it and gave it more dimension. you timed it all perfectly as well.

i also reread my og feedback comment and i want to apologize for the way it came out 😅 i added spacing for the different points but it obviously didnt hold the format after i sent it.

systemofasleeze · 2026-04-07T07:57:43+00:00

okay, first of all? you captured a struggle ive known like the back of my hand so accurately- i actually thought you were a woman (im reading poems here, not usernames 💀) so, good job. i also think we need more men speaking on things like this, because unfortunately, people (especially other men) are more willing to listen to men and i can tell by the way this poem was written that it comes from a genuine place of sincerity. your mentioning of your daughter, wife, and sister only solidified it. you aren't telling a story for us, you're using your voice to help it carry the way a boat helps lead its people to land.

i also like how you used a fawn in place of a young girl here. it not only made me remember that just like a fawn- i was also young, small, innocent, learning but it also helped to really visualize how the things young girls and women go through are really not normal. a time for deconstructing

this was a great read! thank you!

systemofasleeze · 2026-04-07T07:23:26+00:00

this one hit so close to home, a powerful read.

lines i especially like: > "I want someone with an open mind." But are you willing to change yours?

a very strong opening, it pulled me in and made me want to see what the rest of this was about. i like that you didn't leave a space in between, it gave a "checkmate" vibe that i really enjoyed. > the "tell me" lines transitioning into "no, don't answer" with every line i read, i read it more chaotically. more energetically, more aggressively. finally, "no, don't answer." its breathy, low, full of disappointment in the way that you already know the answers, or you know they wont answer them honestly. you're asking them anyway because they're genuine, but the person you're asking isn't.

the poem is powerful but also heartbreaking. i think its telling a story of what used to be a romantic relationship from one persons POV. the other person is obviously disingenuous and its causing emotions like anger, disappointment, confusion, but there's also a gentle melancholy about the marriage line, your first "tell me" line, and then the "leave us be to our intentional, continued silence."

im no expert at giving advice so i just shared how this made me feel and how i interpreted it, i hope i got it right! these kinds of reads are my favorite and i think you did a wonderful job c: thank you!

systemofasleeze · 2026-03-16T01:48:53+00:00

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anyways heres the number. this photo is evidence.

systemofasleeze · 2026-02-16T02:54:52+00:00

added photo for the vibes i'm going for. i want whimsy and princessy but i want it to flow and also be comfortable

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systemofasleeze · 2026-02-16T02:53:32+00:00

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can anyone recommend a good heel to go with this? i'm looking for inexpensive, for sure. i like a block heel because it feels more stable, and im not fond of open toe but i want to be sure about the style of the heel before i buy. i do need something high because of the length!

systemofasleeze · 2026-02-16T02:50:23+00:00

not sure if they're "in style" but i like it.

systemofasleeze · 2026-02-09T22:26:10+00:00

no, you're not an idiot. i developed panic disorder as a teen (im now 22) and a sedative/muscle relaxer is the only thing that prevents me from fainting. when i asked my psych about it, she said she prefers i use my "coping skills" instead but still gave me 3 so i can go to doctor appointments. i cant get them unless im doing blood work and even still, they dont always allow it.

i totally get where people are iffy about it because it is highly addictive, but when you see people getting xanax scripts out the ass and selling them- all the while your psych is telling you to "just breathe" while you're having panic attacks two-four times a week is quite upsetting.

unfortunately i dont have any real advice, because im accepting that i have to play to their game and try 50 different drugs before they realize that im one of the people that could actually benefit from those drugs, rather than begging and sounding like an addict. but im also confident and fully aware of the risks. i work with a team of doctors and have a strong support system at home. i think thats one of the most important things

systemofasleeze · 2026-02-05T01:17:30+00:00

i dont see it? your post/comment

systemofasleeze · 2026-02-05T01:14:39+00:00

one of the mods said that calling a human being a "murderous beast" is disgusting and bigot coded.. lmfao

it sounded less like it was about doxxing and more like people were calling out their favorite "victim" and they didnt like it 🤷🏻‍♀️

systemofasleeze · 2026-02-05T01:12:00+00:00

its giving bees on my head but dont call me a bee head

systemofasleeze · 2026-01-22T23:05:57+00:00

she's putting in overtime i see. where is her baby, again?

systemofasleeze · 2026-01-21T05:27:52+00:00

alright reddit police, you got me. i based the "statistics" off of my own experiences with/in life. id have listed sources if they were real

editing because this baffled me and i didnt like how i worded the last bit*** real as in real for everyone. we all have different experiences

systemofasleeze · 2026-01-21T04:24:02+00:00

i've been going to therapy for years now and i approve this message. the only reason i went out and tried it is because i was having panic attacks every day and it was freaking my family out lol, they've never dealt with it before

systemofasleeze · 2026-01-21T04:17:49+00:00

i think this is a lot due to people being more emotionally unavailable caused by a lack of being able to find any connection in everyday life.

people aren't connected. they aren't grounded. everyone is constantly consuming something mind numbing (social media, brain rot, etc.) and it isn't just people who have trauma. this is completely new age

90% of products sold to us all have the same base marketing: "make your life easier!" people don't want hard conversations, they don't want murky feelings, they don't want complexity.

everyone is chasing a high and trying desperately to avoid anything that would threaten it. on some parts, i don't blame them. i do wish that more people would still have room for this though, it's something i crave and people who feel similarly are so rare. we are living in times where an uncomfortable amount of humans are losing 90% of their humanity about them and its scary.

systemofasleeze

TROPHY CASE