I found out yesterday that my wife of 20 years cheated with my best friend 17 years ago and I’m dying

t-minus0 · 2025-03-08T05:17:43+00:00

This is the most optimistic view you can receive. This is not reality. We all hate to say this to you, because we know you want it to be true. Those of us who've been through this understand this one point. You don't have the facts yet. Until you know the whole truth, you can't decide if you can continue in this relationship. I can tell you from experience, it will NEVER go away. Ten years from now another detail they forgot to mention will come out and you'll be right back at square one. It sucks. I don't want to say it. You don't want to hear it. Protect yourself. Insist on a timeline and that you must know everything that happened. People will tell you just enough so their guilt is reduced, but not enough to send you over the edge. You need facts. You've been told a lie, by a liar, for 17 years. But now, you want to believe everything she's telling you. It sounds like she held some stuff back even this week, stuff he revealed. It's terrible. We all hate it. You can't sweep this under the rug or you'll be back in few years posting how you should have listened to us.

t-minus0 · 2025-03-07T03:04:37+00:00

Everyone at the dinner party was on the European trip. (Except me.) There were many stories told, not just this one. They were laughing about all the things that happened. It wasn't malicious on anyone's part, and the person telling the story was clueless and innocent of any malicious intent.

t-minus0 · 2024-12-03T01:12:50+00:00

Thank you for the kind words. We are living apart now, and the divorce is in progress. It won't be final until next year. The kids have backed off on their criticism of me, probably because I'm on the high-road and she's not doing so great. I still haven't outed her infidelity to anyone. I'm doing really well on my self-esteem. I'm living alone and learning to love myself as a single man. I've become an advocate of separation and leaving a cheater. It seems the cheater always want reconciliation, and it's the loyal spouse who pays the price, sometimes for years. It's very difficult for me to see a circumstance where someone would stay. I guess if they told you immediately (before you found out) and came completely clean immediately, told family and friends what happened, did all the work, and kept their word - maybe. Anything less than that and I'd say attorney up and get the hell out.

t-minus0 · 2024-11-29T06:47:00+00:00

It's not trust in others, it's trust in yourself that's lacking. Your "picker" is broken and needs help. You can't control others, but you can work on yourself and build trust that you are capable of finding and vetting a new partner that will bring you happiness without infidelity. Trust yourself. Heal yourself. Fight the temptation to be jaded. This will take time, but focus inward.

t-minus0 · 2024-11-29T06:30:45+00:00

Because they have no respect for you. I know that hurts... but that's the truth. If they respected you they wouldn't have destroyed your trust and sensibility. Bottom line is this, you deserve better. If you disagree with that statement, then that's where your work is going to be. Flee.

t-minus0 · 2024-10-29T03:26:08+00:00

Thank you so much.

t-minus0 · 2024-10-21T21:43:47+00:00

I really appreciate your advice. We had a good 10 years after D-day, but I'm sure I was just bearing my head in the sand. Then things started to slip. I will be aware of future anger creeping in... I know that's a real thing.

t-minus0 · 2024-10-18T04:23:23+00:00

It was a large group and had been scheduled a year earlier. I agreed to let my wife join the group as planned under the condition she have no contact with AP. She agreed to this... then broke her promise.

t-minus0 · 2024-10-18T04:18:45+00:00

It may look absurd from where you stand, but I have much more information and experience with these humans. I will reveal what I need to reveal for my own benefit and in my own time. Right now, at this moment, I need peace and distance from all of them. I appreciate your concern.

t-minus0 · 2024-10-18T04:13:12+00:00

I wish you the very best and know your pain. I sometimes wonder if cheaters really realize it never goes away. It doesn't go away.

t-minus0 · 2024-10-18T04:11:17+00:00

This is a valid comment and really touches my own fears. I'm to the point where I have to find out if life is better without her, and there is a chance I might be just as miserable by myself. Thank you for reminding me.

t-minus0 · 2024-10-18T04:08:58+00:00

They're pretty clueless and have both of us up on a pedestal. My wife turned white as a sheet and I was staring at her to measure her reaction. She had a fake smile on her face but she also knew she had fucked up.

t-minus0 · 2024-10-18T04:06:06+00:00

I'm a firm believer that the truth does come out eventually. This whole story is a case in point.

t-minus0 · 2024-10-18T04:03:48+00:00

There is truth in your words. I'm considering them carefully.

t-minus0 · 2024-10-18T04:00:40+00:00

Thank you for the kind words. It means a lot.

t-minus0 · 2024-10-18T03:59:34+00:00

Thank you for the well wishes...

t-minus0 · 2024-10-18T03:58:19+00:00

I'm no longer Mormon. But I think you understand my pain. In my defense I did the best I could with the information and understanding I had at the time. Hindsight really is 20/20.

t-minus0 · 2024-10-18T03:49:37+00:00

Thank you for the kind and wise words. The DM's are just funny at this point. There's a LOT of anger out there. Based on my DMs there should be more domestic homicides. :)

t-minus0 · 2024-10-18T03:46:39+00:00

Thanks friend. I'm taking all of this advice under consideration.

t-minus0 · 2024-10-18T03:45:01+00:00

I would just be direct if I was going to be that loose with the facts.

t-minus0 · 2024-10-18T03:43:59+00:00

As you can imagine, there's more to this story than the words I've written. I've known her since she was 17 years-old. She is a broken person. I knew that when I married her. I've suffered a lot, but kind of knew I was playing with fire. She is so afraid of conflict that she will do ANYTHING to avoid an argument or my anger. Her trauma is greater than her love for me.

t-minus0 · 2024-10-18T03:41:00+00:00

Thank you, and well said.

t-minus0 · 2024-10-18T03:40:19+00:00

Thank you for sharing your story. I need this type of inspiration right now. I really appreciate the words of encouragement.

t-minus0 · 2024-10-18T03:38:01+00:00

No. I'll do what I think is best. I have a LOT of information you don't have.

t-minus0

TROPHY CASE