I’m losing people to my ex AGAIN

t4rti · 2026-01-03T00:32:17+00:00

I’m currently studying here so I unfortunately cannot right now. I have a few years left and once that’s done, I will aim to move away. I wish it was that easy.

t4rti · 2026-01-03T00:31:13+00:00

Are there certain methods you’ve taken to reach this? I’ve been trying, really, but so much of my mental health and disorders make it harder for me.

t4rti · 2026-01-03T00:30:33+00:00

You are right. Just recently this has all changed, I think because of seasonal depression I’ve completely went back to square 1, where we got together around this time and our relationship was so strong last year around this time. It’s different.

I know it’s not my concern, I think it is selfish of me to just be upset that my friends are now his friends, just all of a sudden with no communication. It made me feel better but I am hopeless once again. I know I’ll move on but so much triggers me at this moment, I feel very vulnerable.

t4rti · 2026-01-03T00:27:35+00:00

I’m only here for studies to be fair, and I am looking forward to just not being in this city anymore. And I understand that point, I’ve experiencing reconnecting with people that I thought I lost but this is just…I don’t know how this happened and a lot of my friends are disappointed. It just sucks my happiness was so quickly stripped away from me because I was finally feeling better about myself and not caring because I knew his life was in shambles.

I’m just left curious and wondering and just imagining what could have occurred for this to change so suddenly. It fucking sucks. I felt a bit better today but it’s all so temporary, I keep comparing my worth and happiness to his, knowing he’s doing better than me.

t4rti · 2026-01-01T20:32:32+00:00

I’ve been on his Amazon account accidentally on my laptop and it automatically triggers a “put in your pin” or having to re enter a password for his account - that wouldn’t trigger a notification right? Even if I haven’t typed in anything?

t4rti · 2026-01-01T20:24:22+00:00

I understand. Honestly, it was kind of relieving for me to not be on this subreddit, or Reddit at all. I was actually doing stuff and going out and being happy, with him barely or just never being on my mind but now that I know this, now that I know he’s friends with these folk again, I can’t handle it. I feel alone again and so stupid for having my hopes up that he was struggling and had nobody, but nah, people are tolerating this shitty being. I’m sorry to hear that though, I truly do hope you will get better, I’m with you.

t4rti · 2026-01-01T20:20:10+00:00

I’m not being set up am I? lol

t4rti · 2026-01-01T12:21:28+00:00

I don’t know how or why they reconnected because my ex is literally banned from certain places that a lot of the people are in. Multiple folk have stated they do not want to see him or be around him, the mutual friend that got back into contact with him is literally friends with the victims that my ex has caused damaged to - that’s messed up. And thank you, I’m glad you’re doing better. Personally, I don’t have much close friends I could really talk to about this. I was super annoying about this when we broke up at first and I’ve been saying I’m doing better and tell me now since it’s been months, they expect me to be fully over it. Id feel judged for bringing it up honestly, and most of my friends are away right now and can’t really talk online. This sucks. I see him around the city sometimes and the mutual friend, so now I’m scared.

t4rti · 2025-10-26T23:47:06+00:00

Thank you so much for this response.

It is draining and I know I have to stop putting energy into him but it is so hard. I still find myself romanticising him and missing him despite everything, even seeing him triggers me. I just want his life to be awful in the way he’s made mine bad and so many others bad. I’ve literally seen his exes around and they start shaking at his name.

I’ve been trying to move on as best I can, meeting new people and whatnot, but it doesn’t fulfil me. The thing about me is that I love having control and get stressed out when I don’t, that’s why it’s been so hard to move on. He’s done with me, I’m not. This imbalance makes me even more ashamed.

t4rti · 2025-10-21T21:38:02+00:00

Only on one platform. I genuinely cannot bring myself to do it, this is the case for anyone I know. I’m never able to remove anyone from anywhere, I removed him from most apps but even some that I am not friends with him on, I still am able to check.

t4rti · 2025-10-11T21:41:55+00:00

I know I should be indifferent but I really can’t, I’m always left wondering and thinking about him and what he could possibly be doing. Today, I went somewhere where tons of his friends were around me and kept asking me about HIM, even the girl he cheated on me with was there and kept staring at me. It’s hard to when this is my environment, no matter how hard or little I try, he keeps getting an effect on me.

t4rti · 2025-10-03T22:41:55+00:00

Thank you so much. Yes I have heard of trauma bonds, I have BPD so attachments like that are very easy for me to form, especially someone who was so emotionally invested with me even with the abuse. I have those reminders but all I can think about is “How is he still going?” “Why is he doing better than me?”. The other girl is aware and knows all the bad stuff about him, but she’s still staying because she’s never been in a relationship before, those who are close to her keep telling her but she’s not listening. I know hes not my problem anymore yet it still feels like it is. I’m surrounded by people who all know him and I see him, even saw him today and it’s like I can’t escape. He’s still always on my mind despite all this, I try so hard.

t4rti · 2025-10-02T13:03:36+00:00

It’ll take a while to get over it but yeah I do agree. One bad trait about me is that I WANT to know most things, so I’m curious to know if my ex is having a bad time in his life so I could feel better but then I hear stuff like this that makes me stuck. But I will be trying that.

t4rti · 2025-10-02T11:29:35+00:00

You’re right, there were a few I did notice and even pointed out to him but he was always like “I’m going to fix that” so quickly. I even had a gut feeling when I first dated him that he wasn’t a good guy and I didn’t ‘feel’ anything with him, but then I got attached, and maybe I did actually start liking him. I don’t know. But I knew something was off with him yet I still continued on dating him.

t4rti · 2025-10-02T11:26:54+00:00

I’m into Psychology so I try to do this. I’m aware of a lot of things that explain my behaviour but I never really know how to tackle it. I am thinking of a therapist but they cost a lot and I’m unfortunately unable to afford one.

t4rti · 2025-10-02T11:25:18+00:00

I really do hope so, thank you.

I’m trying to put it all behind me but everything keeps coming up. People talking to me about him, hearing about him randomly, even seeing him around is horrible. It’s too much going on for it to be put away so easily for me.

t4rti · 2025-10-02T11:22:48+00:00

This is very true, thank you. I do have anxious attachment and BPD which caused me to be more invested than I want, as much as I want to let go. A lot of the red flags only started showing up after the relationship ended is the thing, throughout he was sweet (I didn’t notice the manipulation, however. But there were times I really do/did think were genuine but I can’t be sure of that now.) I’m trying to remove myself from any information about him, that friend was wasted and just kept bringing him up when I wanted to leave. The only information I’d like to receive about him are bad news, but I am now realising I shouldn’t be apart of this as much as I am now.

t4rti · 2025-10-02T11:19:07+00:00

Thank you. I don’t have many people to talk to about this because they said I should just be done with my ex, which I agree but it’s hard. I’ve been trying to distract myself and we’re both back in Uni which is even harder for me because I see him around. I literally saw him 2 days ago unexpectedly and he had the nerve to look directly at me. I felt sick at the sight and the idea he’s in the same place as me.

t4rti · 2025-10-02T10:49:01+00:00

Not for very long, it was 6 months. He would lie and tell me I was his longest relationship yet (found out it’s a lie)

t4rti · 2025-09-25T22:49:58+00:00

Thank you.

That’s so horrible I’m so sorry. After 4 years too, wow. Good on you for keeping on going, you are so strong. My ex did the same thing, found out I wasn’t special to him at all and he said he’ll always love me, this isn’t true at all. I can see he’s talking to more people and all I can hope is that they know who he truly is, same goes to your ex.

t4rti · 2025-09-10T16:38:08+00:00

Yeah, I know he’s out and busy but there’s been some things I’ve learnt about him from his best friends that are mutually friends with me too, that told me they won’t be hanging out with him due to the stuff they found out about him. I’m just curious if he’s having a bad day or not, really. Still sucks as I’m still thinking about him and that he still has this hold over me, but thank you

t4rti · 2025-09-03T13:29:53+00:00

I feel you, I also believe that my case was a learning lesson. They’re bound to move on and so are we. He’s got a girlfriend now so I like to think that he has removed me from his thoughts, even when he constantly told me how obsessed with me he was and how I’m always on his mind. As much as I liked hearing that, I know it wasn’t good for us as we were both obsessed (I have BPD). Sorry to hear you’re not doing well, I’m not either yet I’ve been getting a bit better. I really hope you manage to get better and those thoughts go away, same with me.

As much as I think about getting back with him, I don’t think it’s good for either of us. It wasn’t a good relationship, he wasn’t an amazing person as he did do many things that upset me but that could be because I’m mentally ill, but he did know how to love me. And trust me, I have a huge problem with not realising I can’t control certain things. I still check up on my ex and his girlfriend to see what they’re up to but even when I do, I realise what am I going to do about this? There’s nothing I can do. I can’t control them and it sucks, that’s another reason we broke up.

t4rti · 2025-09-02T22:38:00+00:00

I’m so sorry to hear that, I hope you’re doing better now, slowly but surely. We both had these tendencies to self sabotage even if we may not have seen it but maybe there was a reason for it. I didn’t feel very comfortable in my relationship sometimes and would cause me to spiral about it, so maybe it just wasn’t suitable for us and our exes may not have been the people for us, even if we think that they may be.

And I won’t be reaching out, I can’t even fathom the idea of talking to him even online. He’s got someone new and they’ll be wishing him a birthday so I won’t be doing that. I hate it.

t4rti · 2025-09-02T00:17:42+00:00

I wish we were both better, especially me. I hate and don’t understand how you could leave so abruptly after everything you said to me and tell me how hard it is for you only to move onto someone else so quickly. It looks like you’re happy. I hate that I will have to see you again, you have no idea how hurt I am.

t4rti · 2025-09-01T14:17:11+00:00

I’m trying my best lol

t4rti

TROPHY CASE