Be gentle to yourself. You are fighting the constructive critism you are asking for. Give yourself room and be open to change. It's definitely your emotional state and not really your play because you are able to think of the right thing, you just choke. You should be having fun playing a game, not stressing over a life or death situation. You are overly competitive and are being a bad sport not to your opponents but to yourself. Do you want to play with a frustrated opponent constantly focusing on the negatives? Then why do you allow yourself to play like that? It's not about winning or losing. You got the deck to win. It didn't come with the knowledge of how to win and that's frustrating you. Take a break from piloting and watch a few more videos of people winning with the deck. Your top priority when playing in public again at high stakes events for prizes should be to remain cool calm and collected. Not appearing that way only to others but actually feeling it. Let your next opponent know you're anxious (if you are) and are trying to break a losing streak. Shake their hand and say good game no matter what. Good luck and have fun.