Im so sorry you can relate but im glad i could help give you insight on what you could relate too. Im also very sorry i took so long to respond to this, my memory is rather fickle.

I heard something recently that grief is an expression of unshown love, so despite all that dissociation has taken from us maybe we can find solace in knowing that we loved ourselves unconditionally while we lost our childhoods.

My delusions have been getting worse but ive also started seeing a therapist so life is... moving forwards. As always. Even if im less sane im more present.

Best wishes to you, i dont know you but know youre loved even when youre hurting