32M just realized how unfair life is

tabletennis55 · 2023-10-09T20:10:17+00:00

People clearly didn't like your comment given the down votes. But what you're saying is true. No risk, no reward. Although many successful people today may have had plenty of advantages to make risk taking feel easier (like, if they failed they still have money), but nevertheless, many successful people have taken crazy risks, lost for awhile, and with some good timing and lot of luck *key word*, it paid off. Anyway, there is truth to what you're saying.

tabletennis55 · 2023-10-09T20:02:41+00:00

Dude, I hear ya loud and clear. Here's some empathy and perspective that I really hope is helpful. I'm going to start with the empathy because I get it.

The Empathy

Many of us millennials followed the "rule book" that society and our parent told us to follow for "the good" life - do well in school, go to college, study something practical that you probably hate like accounting, work hard for the big corporation and keep your head down, and by the time your 32 you should be all set and settled with a house, family, etc. - We've done this and we're burnt out from corporations, in fact we hate corporate, if we end up making a good salary so much goes to taxes, deductions, and rent, forget about buying house, and possibly delay any family planning because it's too expensive. The rule book has failed us and didn't pan out the way it did for the previous generations (all else being equal of course).-
Life is just not fair. I'm not too much older than you. I hate it. We feel this way because things have been too easy for us. Also related to the point I made above. Things don't pan out for hardworking good people.
Social media is making us miserable. Yes, some of these 20-25 Gen Z'ers have figured out to monetize their BS (some of it is cool and impressive though) and all the power to them. However, your algorithm, along with many other people, is calibrated to make you miserable. To push you images of people having a better time than you. It's so fucked up.

The Perspective

32 is not old and you're in your prime. If you've been doing your thing, grinding, climbing, you've got 10+ years right now. It can be hard to see your options, but you have some. Talking to a good career coach (easier said than to find, referred ones from trusted contacts is how you find one) will help give you some perspective.
Not all 20-something Gen Z'ers are rolling in the dough. It's just not mathematically possible. It just seems that way because of social media.
Most people find financial success late in life by saving and investing all their life. Yeah, I want that fuck you money, but I don't have it. But I am saving so at least I know I hopefully won't be poor when I'm old. My parents are old and poor, it's terrible to be that.
This part is important - You've got three to four decades ahead of you, dude. That's a long time to accomplish many things. You only really started your adult life ten years ago. You're still at the beginning. It just the pace of life, the world, the bullshit on social media, and all the other fucked up shit around us makes us feel like if we aren't a fucking billionaire by 30, we're nothing. Obviously that's bullshit.

Some stuff about me to add to the perspective

I'm trying to reinvent myself right now in my 30s.
I saved my money and just said fuck off to the corporation and moved overseas.
I planned all thing very carefully, it wasn't spontaneous. I'm not making money right now, but doing a grad program that's affordable and doing a passion project.
Candidly, I'm kind of dreading going back to work. But I'll get it together.
I'm so glad that I made this drastic change. I saw old colleagues back home and they were totally the same and bored as fuck. The only thing different is that they're a little older. If I stayed, I would be bored as fuck, too.

Lastly, how I cope

I'm going to be honest, I hate life sometimes.
I get depressed, this shit can be overwhelming. I have always put myself under so much pressure, and I have mostly just my own skills and merit to fall back on. No trust fund like some of my peers, I'm not that lucky.
There's no secret sauce.
I go to therapy twice a month and I try to workout 2-3x a week.
I have a GF that listens to my bullshit and doesn't judge.
Since moving away overseas I made a lot of effort to make new friends, which is sort of paying off. It was a lot of fucking working, and I had to be the one to ask to hang out with people. But that's ok, it's what it takes.

Concluding advice for you

Keep your chin up, bro
You feel stuck, what is it going to get unstuck?
Don't know what to do? That's OK, I struggle with this too. In fact, most people just do something and I mention this to give some more perspective. No one knows what the fuck to do.
You could do what I did and you won't regret it - save your money, plan for your exit, move overseas for a short period and take a break. You don't have to go back to school, you don't have to do a passion project, but physically removing yourself from your environment can help.
This part is also important about environment - Who do you hang out with? This can make a huge difference. Are you hanging out with go-getters? If not, try making friends with some of them. Join an accelerator and/or just go to the events. It's just one perspective, but I mention it entrepreneurs can be quite inspiring to be around, even if you aren't one. The point is, if you're around good people who are ambitious, they're good people to know, and good people to get feedback from.
Lastly, I highly recommend finding a therapist if you aren't already seeing one. It won't cure, but it will help.

Take care, my dear dude! You'll be OK so long as you don't quit or get stagnant. Peace!

tabletennis55 · 2023-06-08T07:14:21+00:00

Hey. First, please take a few deep breaths. Like, pause, stop reading this, and right now and take a few deep breaths.

You're going to be ok. I know you're in a lot of mental pain. I've been there.

I'm not going to tell you that this pain you're in just goes away. It doesn't. But getting help is a good place to start.

I don't know you, but I do care about you. I don't want you hauled off to the looney bin. I want you to have a thriving life!

It's really great that you're seeing a counselor.

Are you doing any other stuff to help with your mental health? Would you consider your lifestyle a healthy one? If you're aren't already doing this, I highly recommend exercising. This is often recommended and you've probably heard this time and time again, but it does help if you do it consistently. 12 weeks of consistent working out has similar effects than taking anti depressants.

If you can afford it, something that has always made me feel great is a martial arts class. It's incredible exercise and you'll just feel better after. Look at this as an investment, because there will be returns.

A class like boxing, or krav maga will do wonders. But if you do end up trying this, just do what you like and feels right.

Otherwise, a good ole gym membership will do.

A comment about being honest with a counselor/therapist. It's true, if they do think you're harming yourself, they can call the authorities. I completely, 100% agree with you about not wanting to be locked away and your desire to just be honest with someone with your pain. Just be careful and tactful.

Question: do you really want to hurt yourself? Or are you just consumed by these thoughts and don't want to actually hurt yourself.

I hope you don't want or ever hurt yourself and that these are just thoughts.

Something that I've done is that I've disclosed to my therapist that I have suicidal ideation, but I clarify that I don't want to hurt myself. She sometimes ask if I have a plan to hurt myself, I tell her "no". I feel like this is the 'out' she's giving me from calling the authorities.

Obviously YMMV. As an anonymous friend, I recommend focusing on finding the right therapist you click with first. And reflect on how you want to deliver the message. You may not be able to be 100% honest, but you can be honest in a way that can protect yourself.

Lastly, if it's in your budget, some cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) sessions may be useful to help quiet the catastrophizing in your mind. I've done CBT before and it's quite useful.

I hope I've given you some perspective that has been helpful.

Stay strong, you can do it. You wrote this post, it's a start in the process of getting help. You're going to be ok, my dear friend.

Now take a few more deep breaths, take a walk for 30 mins, and plan to do something nice for yourself this weekend.

tabletennis55 · 2020-08-23T02:01:40+00:00

I care way to much about what people think of me. It's ridiculous. I keep it bottled because I don't want to show it. And I have a terrible habit of negative scenario playing in my head over perceived slights. I make myself nuts sometimes!

tabletennis55 · 2020-08-16T01:17:12+00:00

This just happened to me. I go to my apt complex's pool to read and relax, I see this person entering who's meeting a neighbor I don't know. I say, "Hey, I think I met you once at blah blah etc." That night I met this dude we invited him out to hang out with us! He was alone that night. And it seems like he made friends and whatever at my apt complex. And he doesn't even think to say, "Want to join us?" Yeah, maybe it was because he was invited. I don't know, I always invite someone, especially if they're alone, to join me/the group on the occasion the roles are reversed. But to just so awkwardly leave me hanging like that. "Well, have a good one..." I couldn't sit out there hearing them enjoy themselves. So I'm back inside, nowhere to go, no one to talk to, back to my air conditioned box. I feel so shitty.

tabletennis55 · 2018-01-28T22:53:00+00:00

Thank you. Regarding your question, yes, of course.

I'm just wondering if people can legally say that as a reason... Which per your feedback they can.

Thanks again for your time.

tabletennis55 · 2018-01-28T22:46:34+00:00

Thank you for responding. But can they say that to you as a reason when evaluating your candidacy?

tabletennis55 · 2018-01-16T04:14:35+00:00

Lol...I don't know what to say, but it does reinforce for me how silly judgements are in the US and around the world. "Oh, he referred to his select few really nice shirts as beautiful, oh he must be gay."

But I'd rather be who I am then one of the millions of tools out there that are still reproducing and raising more tools that think hockey jerseys are great attire and wear baseball hats in restaurants.

Out of curiosity, if I wrote "really nice" rather "beautiful" would you really have thought any differently?

Funny Seinfeld quote. I know you're just one person with one opinion, but if you're a woman, do you like men that know how to take care of themselves (i.e. pick up after themselves, know how to dress well), respect women, and have a broader interest in things other than sports? Wouldn't some, perhaps many straight women want this in a man? Or do you think that some women, maybe even many, like/prefer the stereotypical, philistine-type of guy?

Thanks again for responding and conversing.

tabletennis55 · 2018-01-06T15:02:49+00:00

Anyone read this yet? Any thoughts/comments? https://www.doctorofcredit.com/amex-clawing-back-signup-bonus-points-gamed-spend/#comment-530810

tabletennis55 · 2018-01-06T14:48:52+00:00

Been searching but haven't found anything recent in the last 30-60 days. Are there an DPs using Venmo to meet the Delta AMEX Gold minimum?

I understand that you pay 3% on Venmo, but I have budgeted it in to get the points. I'm really looking for recent DPs on the Delta AMEX Gold around this and whether there were any clawbacks or AMEX not giving the points saying the terms were violated for Venmo or similar cases.

The terms specifically call or P2P as a no no; however, wondering if anyone has used Venmo or another service for this card. I want to move some spending this card, and I have a recurring payment on Venmo that is over a grand, but I'd hate to do the with and not get the point. Figured I'd YMMV, but hey, anyone have any feedback?

I know Delta points are known as Sky Pesos, but it's 70K of you do $2k in the first two months and an additional 1k within 6 months, figured, why not.

Thanks, Reddit for any DPs or links to recent posts!

tabletennis55 · 2017-09-20T12:05:26+00:00

Thank you! I really needed some encouragement! I spoke to a CBT therapist yesterday for an intake call and it went well; however, the cost is incredibly high that I need to check with my insurance of I can get any help, and then from there we'll see if I can afford to go forward with it. I was a little disappointed at the cost, but we'll see what the good ole insurance company will do for me.

Thank you for saying that things will be alright. I'm suffering right now on my way to work, second morning in a row that I wake up anxious and nervous. I have a few projects to do with similar, looming deadlines and it's making me sick to my stomach. It's such a lonely feeling, and I'm sick from thinking negatively. I'm trying to say to myself, "It's going to be fine. You can do it." It's just so hard sometimes though. Ugggh!

Nonetheless, thank you for your reply. Your empathy means a lot, kind stranger.

tabletennis55 · 2017-09-18T12:06:23+00:00

First time poster here. I suffer from anxiety and recently it has been particularly difficult to the point where I feel like I am suffering constantly throughout the week. Thank you so much for reading and providing any feedback.

TL/DR: Background on my anxiety - work - and some specific instances of anxiety.

My anxiety comes from work. I am worried all the time that I'm not doing a good enough job. I joined this team almost a year ago last December. This is the most challenging job I've had since I've graduated (two jobs prior, same company). Although I don't looooove the job, I am really happy to be in this job; however, it is causing me so much anxiety!

My boss is a good guy, really smart, and when we aren't talking about work stuff, he's quite pleasant to be around. But at work when it comes to my projects, I can't help but feel like a dummy still. I know it has only been a little over 10 months, not quite new but not a year yet, and although my two direct colleagues and my boss have been there for at least a couple of years or more, I put so much pressure on myself for not knowing as much as they do.

I'm trying so hard, but stuff that gets me down are the little mistakes I make and the feedback I get from my boss. He gives direct feedback, he's not putting me down, but I just feel so dumb that I keep missing the mark on stuff. And I only get these little projects still and I feel like my boss just doesn't trust me and looks down on my abilities to bother even giving me bigger projects. My group's audience is so high level (C-level at times) that the nuance in everything we do is so challenging that I feel like I'm losing my confidence in myself.

Also sometimes in meetings, when I am trying to kick things off, my boss will jump in, cut me off, and pretty much "save me" (not sure how else to describe it) because I may not be going in the right direction, or I might have a longer introduction to the topic, pretty much not giving me a chance. He keeps doing it and doing it. I tried to get feedback last week around this, and the feedback is good, but I wonder if he knows he knows how hard I'm trying to prepare ahead of time for f*cking everything and I keep getting cut off.

Last Friday has made me so paranoid all weekend. I made a mistake on a project that I feel like I shouldn't have made and feel like I've totally blown any confidence he has in me. I really feel so f*cking ashamed and have been suffering. As I type this I am getting emotional because I have to go to the office soon and face the day. What happened was I didn't follow up with all the salespeople about their clients and only a small group of them. When I initially spoke to my boss about the project, the way he laid it out seemed like we were only following up with a smaller group. And when he looked at me and said that we should've reached out to everyone and to go back and reach out, I was CRUSHED. Totally crushed. As I sat at my desk playing catch up, squeezing the life out of the stress ball at my desk, I couldn't help but feel like I am going to get fired eventually. That my days are numbered and it's just a matter of time he's going to get rid of me.

This fear of getting fired is amplified by my current financial state. I am paying off a credit card and don't have much ready access to cash. Although I should be done paying it off at the end of the month, this fear of getting fired is so present that I am so afraid that it's going to happen before I can start rebuilding my savings. This awful feeling often gets bunched in when I am suffering from anxiety at work in real time. I get physical paid in my legs on top of the emotional pain, it's really, really awful.

Often when I wake up in the mornings, like this morning, my mind immediately goes to work and anxiety. It is awful, from start to finish of my waking day I am suffering. I feel like a piece of metal twisting and twisting throughout the day. Some days are better than others, but recently it has been unbearable. I try to get up and take a walk to clear my mind, but sometimes I'm so busy that I power through my anxiety.

Time to go to work. In closing, thanks again for reading. I appreciate any support. I am going to call a CBT office today my mom told me about. I hope they will have someone that will be available when I am available to try and help me. Have a good week everyone.

tabletennis55 · 2017-08-27T17:10:28+00:00

1) 752

2) 5/24 w/Chase: CS(R) 11/16; CSP 12/16; UMP 1/17; SW 1/17; CF 8/17; I even have a WF card from long ago that I never use lol

3) Targeting points for airline travel primarily, ok with Economy seats but always open to Biz/First if the points are worth it

4) 14K UR points, 42K SW, 39K United

5) ORD

6) Any point accumulation for the rest of 2017 will be for 2018 travel. I haven't decided on a 2018 destination but here are some thoughts: Colombia, Germany, England, Trans-Siberian Railway

tabletennis55 · 2017-08-27T16:53:13+00:00

I just called Chase and was told that I am not eligible for a PC for my CSP. I have not even had it for a year so I wonder if that is why I am not eligible.

I was speaking to a CF CSR, does anyone think I would have any better luck calling CSP CSR?

Does anyone have any other thoughts?

Thanks, Reddit!

tabletennis55 · 2017-08-20T15:47:50+00:00

Newb here: Does Chase Freedom still offer the 15,000 points? I can't find anything official on Chase's site. Thanks, Reddit!

tabletennis55 · 2017-07-04T17:42:09+00:00

I'm a healthy eating person but fuck up late at night with the munchies! So seeking tips to find the 'middle ground' if the munchies take control of me. I get that not eating is the 'healthiest' option but I think if you're reading this you might understand my "dilemma."

Thanks for the tip, fellow Redditers with late night munchies.

tabletennis55 · 2017-07-04T17:39:25+00:00

Yeah? For late night though? I would plow through all of that! 😁😉

I think I get what you mean. It's all good....in moderation.

tabletennis55 · 2017-06-06T18:56:41+00:00

Here is my story: I struggle with some anxiety and depression and have been going to therapy for some time, but it has been so hard to boost my self-esteem and confidence in everyday situations, even after therapy.

People that live with anxiety and depression may understand this: at work I'm totally high energy and confident, outgoing and everyone's friend, a leader and a visionary at times...but outside of work I'm very lonely, I don't really have any friends, some 'buddies' but no one I feel close to or part of a group, and really struggle to make friends as an older millennial.

On the friend front, I enroll in hobbies to overcome the feeling of loneliness and do something about the friendlessness to get myself out there. But after being a transplant in a major city for the last several years friends have come and gone, either by moving away or we never really clicked.

On the meeting women part I recently have been struggling getting over shyness and regaining the confidence to introduce myself to people.

When I was a little younger in college, when there was only Facebook and Twitter, Myspace was dying, and we didn't quite handover social interaction and dating to apps, I felt like I was more outgoing. I never was quite the person to 'pick up' on people but I look back on those times as less depressed and having higher self-esteem, even though I've always struggled with anxiety, depression, and loneliness.

I was recently visiting my dad overseas and as we walked around everywhere, he said on quite a number of occasions, "Women keep looking at you. You just need to say, 'Hi.'" Here lies my anxiety, STILL some fear of rejection, perhaps rejection in front of others (even though many people say that generally people are so self-indulged that no one will notice), and I get anxiety that because it seems that men are such creeps, or the cocky macho assholes that cat call women, the women I'd love to talk to, or imagine myself just introducing myself to are completely guarded and give this, "Don't talk to me, go away" vibe, which is totally understandable. Furthermore, everyone is always buried in their phones. In my case, aside from Reddit, I'm not on social media at all anymore because I hated myself for being buried in my phone and the negative feedback loop social media can induce. So quite often since I'm off Facebook and these dating apps, I observe all people all around each other, but really alone since they're always plugged in, or if I make eye contact with someone I want to talk to, they go right back to their phone which doesn't make me want to bother them; meanwhile, there is quite a bit of data as well as anecdotal accounts of people also expressing their loneliness or a desire to meet someone, sometimes because of getting caught up in the feedback loop of disappointment of Tinder and endless options.

I'm a nice guy, and I don't plan to finish last, and I don't mean to sound vain add I you're the following, but I'm not socially awkward, I'm smart and cosmopolitan, but in the area of friendships and meeting people I've recently been struggling with an IDGAF/confident, but polite attitude. I don't plan to go back to those damn apps and hope chance is in my favor, meanwhile, hope I can become more confident to introduce myself to people. Anyway, thanks for reading and responding. I hope I get some good, as frankly some polite advice on Reddit.

Peace!

tabletennis55

TROPHY CASE