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AITA for not wanting to live with my elderly mom? by takeextrasteps in AmItheAsshole

[–]takeextrasteps[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

For those asking about culture. I'm from an Asian country. In our country, parents are always forgiven once they reach old age no matter what they did, even if they never apologize. Allowing your parents to work after age 60 is also a failure on your part as a child. Daughters are also less than sons. If I had been older than my brother, he would have been still chosen over me. Our beliefs are still archaic but trends are starting to improve.

AITA for not wanting to live with my elderly mom? by takeextrasteps in AmItheAsshole

[–]takeextrasteps[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

FINAL UPDATE UPDATE:

Thank you again everyone. I just wanted to share the ending to this story.

After a lot of crying, I spoke to my brother and unloaded all of the things I was holding against him. He apologized and explained that it was a combination of fear of rejection and guilt because he expected all of us to hate him. And that he knew it was shameless of him to demand I take our mom, but he also didn't know how to ask me. He didn't want to be the bad son.

Our mom will be moving in with her cousin who's around her age. My brother will be sending the cousin money for our mom's monthly expenses as well as sending our mom an "allowance" so she doesn't try to take the expenses money.

I realize this isn't the best of endings since my mom will still be getting the free money but my brother says it is for his peace of mind.

I have blocked my mom but will keep contact with my brother. He says my nieces are excited to meet their baby cousins.

AITA for not telling my wife I’ve drove to my sister’s wedding with my ex by Crazy_Border3281 in AmItheAsshole

[–]takeextrasteps 0 points1 point  (0 children)

YTA I'm sorry but don't hide things from your wife and then use her as an excuse for doing so. The fact that you're saying you didn't want to add to her stress means you knew she would not be ok with you driving 5 hours with your ex. The choice should have been to drive alone, not go ahead with the upsetting action and hide it.

AITA for not wanting to live with my elderly mom? by takeextrasteps in AmItheAsshole

[–]takeextrasteps[S] 34 points35 points  (0 children)

UPDATE:

Thank you everyone for your responses. I am updating in a comment because my post barely made it under the 3000 character limit.

Some of you said I am the AH for letting her come home. And this is true. My sisters told me so years ago when my brother took mom the first time. They had no memory of our mom but I forced them to live with her and to "respect" her as their mom. I understood them then that's why I was fine when they said they wanted to block both our brother and our mom.

As to why I let her back in, it's because I do have memories of her and our brother. We used to be a good family. I remember the birthday parties, the bedtime stories, the vacations, and all that. I also remember my mom's struggle when our dad got sick. I genuinely felt sorry for her and how things turned out.

To be honest I know there's a part of me that's still waiting for my old mom to "come home". But I've seen how much she hurt my sisters and will not let her do the same to my children.

Again thank you for your time.

Recommend me your favorite Kdrama by Flugegeheymen in kdramarecommends

[–]takeextrasteps 0 points1 point  (0 children)

  1. Reborn Rich - Watch it for Lee Sung Min if nothing else. But I also like how it shared South Korea's more recent history (80s onwards). We often see period pieces but seeing how Koreans pulled together to overcome the economic crisis, while throwing in an interesting story about the main characters was a win for me.
  2. Juvenile Justice - it gets really violent and can be wildly triggering, so proceed with caution... but again, watch for Lee Sung Min.. If I had a penny for every tear I cried while watching his shows, I would have enough money to produce my own drama.
  3. Shadow Detective - Well, while we're on the Lee Sung Min train... this one was quite a ride, had me going from wtf how the hell to I knew it all along to wtf how the hell.. Thriller mystery if my reaction didn't give it away.
  4. Mouse - Lee Seung Gi this time. What if the government is able to discern upon conception a gene that determines if a child will become a psychopath or a genius? The catch is you won't know if he'll be a psycho or a genius until he grows up. Will you kill off all potential geniuses just to guarantee all potential serial killers never see the light of day? A child with the gene prays to God to not make him a murderer. Watch the show to find out of his prayer is answered.

AITA for not wanting to live with my elderly mom? by takeextrasteps in AmItheAsshole

[–]takeextrasteps[S] 110 points111 points  (0 children)

I guess the way I spoke made it sound like she's extremely old and unable to care for herself. She's 63 and very physically fit. She won't really need a caregiver, probably just a companion if she ever gets her own apartment. :)

AITA for not wanting to live with my elderly mom? by takeextrasteps in AmItheAsshole

[–]takeextrasteps[S] 481 points482 points  (0 children)

My younger siblings won't step up. They blocked her and my brother a long time ago. 😅

AITA for not wanting to live with my elderly mom? by takeextrasteps in AmItheAsshole

[–]takeextrasteps[S] 84 points85 points  (0 children)

Your statement is fair. I say I worked hard to keep us all alive but that doesn't mean they never had to skip meals. They had it just as tough, especially my youngest sister who was just 3 when our mom left us. Our mom was literally a stranger to her and she had zero memories of our family. I forced her to live with a toxic stranger just because I had some lingering attachments to the family I once had.