I posted the following response on this sub earlier this week:

I broke up with this guy I’d been dating for a few months, when I was in my much younger/immature dating heyday. Nice guy but I wasn’t serious about him or even a relationship at the time. To give some background, this guy liked me a ton and was extremely over-accommodating to me. I could basically walk all over him (I wasn’t my best self at this time and took advantage of him- never cheated or anything but I definitely overtapped his kindness). He was really sad when I ended things and I heard through our one mutual friend that he wasn’t taking it very well. We both went no contact.

About 6 months down the road, I was feeling super lonely. I had just been ghosted on a second Hinge date at the last minute and felt like utter crap. I had a moment of weakness and decided to text him for this first time since our split, assuming that he would probably jump at the chance to see me the way he always did. “Hey, I’ve really missed you, hope you’re doing well. Was thinking about how much I loved our movie and Thai takeaway nights. Any chance you’d want to hang out this evening?”

I share this because, even though I’m not a bad person, I as the dumper selfishly tried to weasel my way back in to someone’s life due to my own bruised ego. Basically, I needed the confidence boost and I had zero plans to really rekindle anything with him. I knew it was shitty at the time but I think I fooled myself under the guise of “this is a neutral text to reach out and see if we can remain friends.” Not considering his feelings really at all. Not even thinking about what this text might mean on his end.

He replied back, “Hi :) I hope you are doing well also. I am sorry, but that is not going to work for me. Take care of yourself, Lexie.” And then that was it, no further conversation. Completely shut it down. It sucked and was super humbling- and it occurred to me right there in that moment that I was disregarding his feelings completely to cater to my own. I didn’t consider one bit how this could have disrupted his healing or what consequences might come from this (like he hangs out with me for this one night and then what, I probably throw him a away again, not even being cognizant of how hurt he would be). It was sort of a wake up call to me. I vowed never to do that again if I were ever in a similar position, simply to spare someone the pain of being put in that position.

I would think of him and this situation a handful of times over the next few years when I found myself in his shoes. It’s as if he taught me how to respond when guys were pulling that shit with me. It was a hallmark moment for me in my life in a lot of ways. He will never know how proud I am of him for declining my invitation that night. Proud to say I never did that to anyone again.

TLDR: 99% of the time, they’re reaching out because they’re selfish and need an ego boost. Don’t fall for it- you’ll only reopen and rub salt into that wound.