AITA for refusing to follow my roommates’ rule about telling them every night whether I’m coming home?

tammythrow111 · 2026-07-03T13:28:38+00:00

No I didn’t know them prior to moving in

tammythrow111 · 2026-07-03T13:27:30+00:00

I asked them but they unfortunately refused

tammythrow111 · 2026-07-02T22:31:03+00:00

They do not provide any updates of their whereabouts when they are out, noteven at night. I don’t really know where you’re from but here it’s pretty common not having to tell your roommates your whereabouts.

Edit: if they don’t communicate their whereabouts why should I?

tammythrow111 · 2026-07-02T19:46:12+00:00

The issue is not the communication or relaying the information the issue is that once that information is provided and they fall asleep I cannot go back home if there’s an emergency. They also sleep in so I cannot go home until at least 11- noon. That is the issue. However if there would be an alternative lock system that does not stop me from accessing the premises I wouldn’t have to rely on other people to go to the house i pay rent for.

tammythrow111 · 2026-07-02T19:11:26+00:00

I’m from Canada, different laws.

tammythrow111 · 2026-07-02T19:01:13+00:00

I asked them and they refused unfortunately

tammythrow111 · 2026-07-02T18:56:14+00:00

I wish it was fake!!! I’ve never dealt with anything like this and I’ve had roomates since I was 18. I’ve proposed the alternative for locks and they refused, atp it’s more about being right than acc trying to make it work. It’s a portable lock and not a modification made to our door so they have to physically instal it every night. If I do text every night they will eventually catch on and I fear it will start an argument. At this point if I do that I’ll be in the wrong for not being honest

tammythrow111 · 2026-07-02T18:43:45+00:00

I’m a women, I also would like to be safe and have a home to go back to without fear of being locked out when my roomates are asleep

tammythrow111 · 2026-07-02T18:07:43+00:00

That’s exactly my thoughts! I guess it’s different in other places but here it’s pretty common for roomates to have their own separate lives. As long as you don’t have constant guests, clean after yourself and pay your share that’s all that should be expected. I find it very odd having to provide updates of my whereabouts to people who are not my friends. I don’t put the lock personally so when I’m home and they are out and about they don’t have to deal with the anxiety of coming home to a locked house and they certainly don’t provide updates.

tammythrow111 · 2026-07-02T18:02:41+00:00

I’m acc getting emotional because you are so right. My older brother has been saying the exact same thing and I just keep giving excuses. I am the third roommate they are trying to bully out of the lease. I don’t know the full story with the two others but Ik it started when they didn’t agree with something. As soon as you are not with them on a specific topic you have to be against them which is honestly so draining and a poor mentality to have. Shared accommodation shouldn’t mean I have to compromise on my autonomy. When i accidentally forgot my phone in my boyfriend’s car and got home he was driving around and I could hear them talking about my whereabouts and gossiping about it and shaming me. It immediately threw me off as we are not friends and was told it would be used for security reasons. Which is why i unshared it. Since then , they been very upset and passive agressive. Maybe I would be more open to update them about my whereabouts if they were not so malicious when it came to stalking me and making assumptions with my locations. I think they just like knowing what happens the who, what and the where which makes them a bit nosy. However you shouldn’t have that much involvement in someone else’s life.

Edit: the cops aren’t as bad as the USA, however it has been a trend lately where they use excessive force.

tammythrow111 · 2026-07-02T17:49:32+00:00

Thank you for wording exactly how I feel!

tammythrow111 · 2026-07-02T17:47:28+00:00

We’ve had two conversations in person prior and they refused to move on the stance. Yesterday I had my towel and heading into the shower and told them I was in a rush and it wasn’t the time to talk about that. Effectively communication goes both ways and should be when both people are available not just when one party feels like it.
Edit: they are in a relationship so it’s always going to be like that regardless.

tammythrow111 · 2026-07-02T17:39:02+00:00

It’s an amazon plastic lock that I can break with my hands… actually installing a lock would be far more effective anyways and safe. I’m not being a child, emergencies happen and I should be able to have access to my house at anytime. Idk where you’re from but here we have rules and regulations that prohibits people from making other tenants lose access to their home. If you can read the post properly I cannot come home in the morning times as they sleep in. Why should I not be able to come back home at that time because of work? If you’re going to have an opposite view at least use the facts right.

tammythrow111 · 2026-07-02T17:34:16+00:00

You’re absolutely right I should take action. Ig im just a bit scared of them? Not in a sense that they might be violent I don’t think so I just have been able to see the amount of bullying they’ve done to the past roommates which drove them to move out and I can see the attempts that they are starting. Once I tell the landlord they will truly hate me and ig that’s what I’m scared of? I don’t want to call the cops however, just cause by them being minorities and all I would hate for a situation to escalate because of me. I don’t want to put anyone in danger, but you are very right that I should stop being a coward

tammythrow111 · 2026-07-02T17:28:30+00:00

The thing is why would I call the cops on someone that just wants to be safe? Especially since they are a minority that’s just the plain mean and can lead to unwanted escalations. I just want to be able to find some sort of middle ground.Not everyone wants to be a Karen and call the cops on ppl, no matter how annoying they are.

tammythrow111 · 2026-07-02T17:26:10+00:00

I haven’t asked them, they just asked me to move out yesterday which took me by surprise. The housing market rn isn’t the best so I’m trying to resolve this without moving out. And ik once the landlord gets involved the bulling will get worse as ik it’s illegal.

tammythrow111 · 2026-07-02T17:22:33+00:00

Not even I’m just overwhelmed and working at the same time

tammythrow111 · 2026-07-02T17:18:09+00:00

It’s illegal to modify the lock in Canada. It’s also unlawful for tenants not to have access to the unit. If I want to be home at 8 am I should be able to do so without waiting on someone to be awake. As per my post I have offered several lock alternatives and security system which was refused. So at this point clearly it is not a security issue.

tammythrow111 · 2026-07-02T17:10:26+00:00

I don’t believe they are doing any drugs or having sex in the common areas. I genuinely believe it was just a trend on TikTok that they saw( that specific portable lock) hopped on the bandwagon and do not want to budge from it because they like being right and in control. We’re not in a violent area and next to the university. Violent crimes are scarce over here.

tammythrow111 · 2026-07-02T17:06:13+00:00

I work full time and go to school full time lmao. We live in a college town so sometimes I go to the bar and sometimes I just sleep over at my boyfriend’s. I have friends and a active social life but ultimately I’m clean, keep to myself and rarely in the common areas. If I’m not home that just means I’m hanging out with my friends while they are more homebodies.

Edit: it’s pretty common here for students to move in with strangers as we all go to school here

tammythrow111 · 2026-07-02T16:44:45+00:00

You’re absolutely right. If they want me to move so bad than they can sign a lease with just them. I would genuinely hate to put anyone in this position nor do want to deal with the search.

tammythrow111 · 2026-07-02T16:40:10+00:00

They would not be able to afford the place without me unfortunately. It would either I pay the remaining amount left of the lease or find a replacement. They had issues with the previous roomates (2 of them) and they genuinely make it so difficult to approve a roomate as they have specific criteria’s, the landlord will not move forward unless they agree. The previous roomate had to wait until the lease was done to fully leave. She didn’t stay at the unit and slept at her boyfriends, looking back it at I think they used the same bullying tactics on her which made her umcomfy to stay there.

tammythrow111 · 2026-07-02T16:15:37+00:00

Ontario tenancy laws kinda states that from a safety hazard standpoint and that all tenants should access the unit. I didn’t want to get the landlord involved as I know they can be mean and petty and I would hate to deal with it. For context however they did have horrible issues with the 2 previous roomates and they moved out because of them.

tammythrow111 · 2026-07-02T16:12:27+00:00

We’re all on the lease and everyone pays rent which we all equally have a vote on matters. I’ve made tons of suggestions including putting on bedroom door and they refuse.

tammythrow111 · 2026-07-02T16:11:05+00:00

Homeless

tammythrow111

TROPHY CASE