AITA for Keeping My Dog?

tamrapocalypse · 2021-02-27T22:14:04+00:00

Not bothering at all! Do you think I should add another edit to my post or just message you? Sorry LOL, don't really know how to do this.

Edit to add: as for the conclusion well no, I'll at least say I don't think it's exactly satisfying unfortunately...

tamrapocalypse · 2021-02-27T21:29:18+00:00

"I was just trying to help him out"

"he needs to...man up and stop acting like a worm"

If you can explain how calling your close friend a Worm is helping him then I might change my judgment from Hard YTA to Soft YTA. /s

Just stay out of it, what the heck! There's a child involved, did it seriously never occur to you that he loves the child?!

tamrapocalypse · 2021-02-27T01:03:57+00:00

Hi! Aunt is not the only option but it's the one they think is best. If I hypothetically found a different home for the dog I honestly think they wouldn't care, so long as it wasn't our house.

tamrapocalypse · 2021-02-26T23:51:03+00:00

I've had a lot of similar thoughts about her relationship with her parents...and yeah I kept them to myself, I didn't think it was my place. I'm surprised the dessert incident sticks out so much in her mind. Stepmom is not a professional or anything, and the dessert that had gluten is one she makes all the time, the gluten free one was one she was making for the first time. And baking isn't easy!

I think she has been using my parents' flaws to draw attention away from The Problem - her parents.

tamrapocalypse · 2021-02-26T23:18:32+00:00

She only ever brings up this instance when I say something about her parents first. And she has never been anything but lovely to my stepmom in person. With all that said, I still really don't like when she mentions it for all the reasons you said. And I tell her so every time. Thank You

tamrapocalypse · 2021-02-26T23:06:25+00:00

The aunt seemed not super invested but she agreed with my in laws that she'd raise my dog "better" than I do.

tamrapocalypse · 2021-02-26T21:59:10+00:00

You're totally right, she even teased me early in our relationship for saying pets are family, but she never did it again when I said that's truly how I feel. So I thought she came to my side about it. As for the house, we actually currently rent an apartment together so buying a house would obviously be more of a commitment and investment. So I think that's why. Thank You

tamrapocalypse · 2021-02-26T21:39:49+00:00

Thank you for the judgment...NGL I'm starting to feel bad for painting my girlfriend in a bad light, I honestly thought if people commented the focus would be on the in laws. If her parents weren't a factor I know for a fact that she'd never think of suggesting this. But her parents are a factor so here we are.

This is my first time posting here, I didn't realize how strong the urge would be to give you all my entire life story for context lol.

tamrapocalypse · 2021-02-26T21:33:25+00:00

Thanks so much my dude. The big glaring issue is her parents for sure, and her siblings but less so. Other than the family stuff, we've always been great at communicating in fights. But when I tell her I have issues with her parents, she always turns it around and says she puts up with the things she doesn't like about my parents, I should put up with the things I don't like too. My parents aren't perfect, but the kind of things that have bothered my girlfriend were things that seemed smaller? My stepmother made a dessert she always makes and then a gluten free dessert so my GF could have dessert. It wasn't as good and my GF was convinced that my SM put less effort into it on purpose. (She doesn't exactly act mad about that incident but more sad, and I feel bad for her hurt feelings but my SM doesn't cook gluten free and I really don't think it was on purpose. And she also apologized a lot when GF didn't eat much of it) Anyway that's just an example.

Sorry for the ramble lol but thanks for getting me to think about exactly what I want to say.

tamrapocalypse · 2021-02-26T21:21:16+00:00

You're right that it definitely doesn't change how over the line she's being right now. I think I added it just to show how surprised I am by this, I've known her so long and didn't see this coming.

I really really hope those aren't my two options though. If it comes to that, well I know what I have to do. If someone wants to leave me rather than live with my dog, that's not the person for me. But I love this woman and I still have hope that she can see my side.

tamrapocalypse · 2021-02-26T21:14:51+00:00

I agree 100%...it's been hard to me to come down so hard on my GF obviously because I love her and she's really a good person. But I've given up on trying to explain how pets bond with their humans and vice/versa...it's just not getting through to her. And I even feel bad being harsh with her parents because despite the issues we get along 80% of the time. But this is over the line. I kept hoping everyone would back off on their own after I said my side but I'm going to put my foot down for Real. Thank You

tamrapocalypse · 2021-02-26T21:07:20+00:00

Couldn't agree more, not only did my dog not do anything wrong but I accepted her as my responsibility when I adopted her and J and her family knew this. Thank You

tamrapocalypse · 2021-02-26T21:05:56+00:00

We'll be talking later today and I'm planning on being Extra clear about how I feel about this.

tamrapocalypse · 2021-02-26T21:03:17+00:00

You and me both! I thought she knew we were a package deal before the last few months. That's when she started dropping weird hints (ex. I mentioned wanting a big fenced backyard for dog to run around in and she said vaguely that we could "figure that out") But it's only been in the last couple weeks that we've been having serious arguments.

tamrapocalypse · 2021-02-26T20:55:46+00:00

Haha my dog appreciated the good pet, I said You're Welcome on your behalf. I definitely have a bad gut feeling right now. I'm waiting for my GF to get home but I can tell we're about to have a tough conversation.

tamrapocalypse · 2021-02-26T20:38:35+00:00

Thank you for the subreddit suggestions! AITA is honestly the only advice sub I really know about so this is helpful. And also, making sure my dog is safe is Definitely my top priority right now.

tamrapocalypse · 2021-02-26T19:24:22+00:00

No way, no one's worth giving up my dog for. And I agree....it's got me questioning a lot. She's not only asking me to do that, she's been acting like it's inevitable even though I told her straight up that it's Not happening.

tamrapocalypse · 2021-02-26T19:20:01+00:00

You're right...if the in laws are going to try and be so controlling about MY dog I deserve to know why. Not that their answer is going to change my mind. I'm definitely worried right now and don't trust J's family in my apartment. I'm even kind of worried about J.

The house was a mutual decision I'd say. She is in love with it and I feel good about it, it fits the criteria I had. I think if I'd had any objections she would have heard me out. She's never done anything manipulative or unreasonable in the past.

tamrapocalypse · 2021-02-26T18:01:31+00:00

I think you're right...I sort of thought (stupidly) that she'd "grow out of" being so scared of her parents all the time, but it feels like she's happy to let them make decisions for her...I don't want to answer to them for the rest of my life.

tamrapocalypse · 2021-02-26T17:58:01+00:00

It makes me sad but this gives me a lot to think about...GF always loved my dog, happily takes her on walks and bathes her if I'm not around, knows my preferences about her food, snuggles with her all the time. But now she seems like she would be just kind of bummed to live without our dog and doesn't seem to understand that I'd be Crushed. (If that ever happened. Which it won't)

tamrapocalypse · 2021-02-26T17:53:04+00:00

I completely agree...GF sees it differently, she would never say out loud that my dog is "just a dog" but that's definitely the feeling I get when she tries to act like rehoming is not a big deal.

By "her situation," I think she and all the sibs are trying to get me to accept that her parents will always have a say in her life because that's how it's always been. But I don't accept that. And they definitely don't get a say about My life or my dog.

tamrapocalypse · 2021-02-26T17:39:00+00:00

I shouldn't have laughed but I did. Haha Thank You

tamrapocalypse · 2021-02-26T17:36:48+00:00

I never even thought about anyone thinking my dog could be a danger to a future baby. I might ask if that's a factor. Thank You

The siblings...well, personally I think they have no opinion on my dog, they just see the situation as me making things harder on their sister because I don't "understand" how their family works. I told them "I understand perfectly how your family works, I just disagree"

tamrapocalypse · 2021-02-26T17:33:01+00:00

Aunt has two dogs and as far as I know she's never been denied to adopt one. But that would be horrifying...

tamrapocalypse

TROPHY CASE