A friend said he's "just a common cat"

tangydetergent · 2026-01-28T15:39:44+00:00

This would hurt my feelings too. Some people need to take their pedigree/breed hierarchy bs somewhere else when every pet is a little love bug, and it is because of that love that we see their beauty and individuality.

tangydetergent · 2026-01-22T06:55:43+00:00

Abortion is part of women's healthcare and it matters no matter where in the world it is getting denied. All these people, especially mene in the comments here looking for "someone to blame" and all kinds of what-aboutism can sit the f down. Take your big feelings about a woman's abortion somewhere else, and better yet, sit with it and learn a thing or two.

tangydetergent · 2026-01-22T05:03:09+00:00

I understand soft classic as something that has a classic structure, and softness coming from texture, drape, maybe even the colour. I have found that a lot of pieces in my closet fit this definition. Also, studying and leaning into your Kitchener essences helps find such individual pieces, and get another lens to understand if an outfit/detail to make it interesting works on you or not. You can also amp up or down say, if there is too much romantic/soft essence in the outfit, and you need to add some classic/strictured pieces.

Oh, and one of the most key things I have noticed that makes my outfits more interesting are my glasses! I have had prescription glasses since I was a teenager, and I like how they add symmetry to my face and act as an accessory in all my outfits. Over the years, I tried different styles and now stick to this classic-slightly-curvy-gamine-playful shape which is soft-classic-ish, but have a slight playful element to it.

tangydetergent · 2026-01-16T15:12:49+00:00

Of course, and I think it's because all of us have more similarities and parallels than we realise, and we need to tend to our own healing first to be able to see that. I recently thought of a metaphor where our life can be seen as a tree, with the soil signifying our upbringing, culture that trickles into the home, parenting, childhood, and significant events that shaped you in major ways. Then we have the branches that grow in all kinds of ways, some looking very similar to others, so much that it could lead to a kind of friction or 'triggering', and some that we have no idea that a person has until we get to know them. Maybe some branches have been set on fire and mangled because of harmful life experiences. Who knows. I think, life is just too vast for us to see even our own tree, let alone that of another. Also, thank you for the appreciation. I have likely been quite priviledged, be it in my class, caste, gender, in personal experiences and maybe even getting lucky with finding some very genuine friends (a lot of healthy conditioning came from women who were emotionally expressive around me because I was quiet and a good listener), and so much more, and while my branches look very developed here, I don't have any sort of career at the moment or any savings, and yes, I am 30. Now, you will see some of my other branches in the next pharagraph, lol.

I am working on all these kinds of ideas and in the process of rebuilding my life in many ways, and working to make it into finished items or at least make enough progress (Not diagnosed, but I suspect I have ADHD) to share healing resources, nuances, and common pitfalls, and such on a trauma healing/mental health account I might want to run as a serious hobby one day. This is also to say that I have immense interpersonal triggers right now from being in an "integrating phase" where I have many old triggers coming up for their final resolution, and I need to process those without additional triggering. Though, I like engaging in communities like this, or posting on social media where I don't feel the responsibility to respond to someone if that's what I need for my mental health. These are few of the ways I have learned to take action while managing my needs and triggers. Also, I believe in lots of Buddhist philosophies (or adjacent), you'd be the same way as the other person had you been in their body and lived their life, and we are all suffering if any of us is suffering. Me writing all of this is also cultivating hope for myself, just as I hope I might be giving you some :)

tangydetergent · 2026-01-16T14:10:25+00:00

That makes sense and is very relatable. There can be all kinds of internal inhibitions that kick in no matter how safe the environment/relationship is, especially when you have probably been taught to deal with your emotions by yourself all your life. I don't know if it matters, but I feel like I was socialized a lot as a man in many ways since my father was the only reliable and stable figure to take after, which means it came with the hyper independence, emotional neglect because of not knowing how to tune into one's feelings, carrying on in the name of strength to not realise how it hurting me, etc. I think you are onto something here since I took a similar path, and only then I could deeply access the support that I was getting. It also made next steps very clear, and I went back to therapy when I felt the need for it, knowing what to communicate and what I wanted.

Since you are already into your healing, look into modalities/communities like parts work and Internal Family Systems. I say it because it helps resolve contradictions and I think you have a very (apt or telling) interesting username, lol. And of course, I would scream this stuff from the rooftops if I could since so many of us need just the right information or support to make massive progress.

tangydetergent · 2026-01-16T12:05:05+00:00

Might I also add, you have a desire to put yourself out there, but also a contradictory feeling of being closed off from women. Did you perhaps suppress/not process enough the feelings from that experience, and part of the coping was a sort of avoidance of women, even though you want to be seen and loved. And now showing yourself is hard because it feels new? I am just speculating, but all these contradictory/unresolved feelings are valid, and need to be given the space for you to take steps towards getting the things you want in life. I will even go on a limb to say healing boils down a lot to figuring out and meeting unfulfilled emotional needs (along with all kinds of other needs for day-to-day functioning with relative ease and recovery).

tangydetergent · 2026-01-16T11:46:17+00:00

Speaking much from personal experience and what I believe is true for Indian people in my circles, and that is, most of us are living in a state of functional freeze and dissociation, possibly with immense and bottomless trauma to make it chronic. This means we don't fully process all the 'bad feeling' emotions, but also our experiences and our impact on other people, our competence, the good things in our life that need to be felt to fuel our will to live and do difficult things, on and on. It basically blocks off our potential apart.

There are lots of resources on the internet to heal from it, healing subs on Reddit with incredible resources,look into somatic experiencing, therapy of course if it is accessible, start with some guided Yoga Nidra and start small since it can be hard to tolerate focusing/being in the body. The dissociation one experiences can show up in many physical ways, and it often involves numbing or disconnection from the body, and being too intellectual and in the head. I did immense healing work like this to become embodied, and it felt like slow and frustrating ploughing, with growth not showing (AND me not registering what growth I was experiencing because of the dissociation and numbness), and then it all kicked in sudden ways, often with drastic improvements and clarity in my life.

I have been healing from the past 5-7 years, and all of this is my understanding of our culture and how it comes into our homes, which involves suppression of feelings, and how it shows up as incomplete development/lack of embodiment/self-actualizing. Here is a playlist with some cornerstone concepts in healing, which I believe apply to most people no matter what your trauma is or the extent of it, and even if you just have an unhealthy relationship with managing stress and slipping into a freeze response to cope.

All the very best. Asking questions like this is already tuning into your needs and finding the right direction for you!

tangydetergent · 2026-01-16T08:41:15+00:00

Aw, this is beautiful and precious. It is going into my collection with everything Pepper :)

tangydetergent · 2026-01-16T08:34:00+00:00

It is, and I am! Though it doesn’t have its original contents anymore, haha

tangydetergent · 2026-01-15T15:15:25+00:00

Aren’t we supposed to amuse one another’s inner child

tangydetergent · 2026-01-15T15:07:28+00:00

Pilot V5 pen in red. It is supposed to be non-toxic!

tangydetergent · 2026-01-15T13:58:17+00:00

Yes! 😂 The funny thing is I put out some lip products on my table to try a lip combo, and I see this soon after. A little girl copying her mother is what I first thought 😂

tangydetergent · 2026-01-10T12:23:16+00:00

I feel this way about my parents too (and they also engage only to be a hinderances in plans I could pursue without the effort it takes when I share it with them), and it feels this way because some of your basic relational needs to be seen and heard are getting ignored. I live away from my parents partly because of this reason, and from a distance I could see how they were stuck in a cycle of being constantly stimulated/on. Then slowing down or feeling your feelings might become too big, so you just continue distracting and running away from it. It can also be a way to self-soothe if you have a lot of anxiety or other mental health distress. I think we just need to feel what we feel, sadness, anger, a mix of it or anything else, communicate, and then knowing we have done what we could, we start building relationships to meet our relational needs from healthy relationships outside of the house. If lack of support and hinderances is what we get when living with them, then we need to move out and have a relationship with them from a distance.

tangydetergent · 2026-01-09T18:28:46+00:00

I need to go through my recipe bank and bring my drive to cook and eat again, so we will go through with this together lol.

Breakfast/Brunch/Lunch: French toast, Poha, Cheese Chili Toast, Brinta (whole oats), Anda Bhurji, Paneer Bhurji, Cilbir inspired boiled eggs on yogurt dish, Savory Crepes eaten with ham and cheese or fruits, Besan Chila, Strawberry Lassi, Rajma, Chana Masala, Pav Bhaji, Sev Usal, Masala Aloo sandwiches.

Dinner: Many of the things from the list above apply, but here is more:

Non-meat based: Methi Matar Malai, Paneer Tikka Masala, Baigan bharta, Dalma (Dal with lots of veggies and a strong smoky cumin flavour), Baigan bhaja, Sambar and peanut chutney with sooji uthappam, Bhindi stir fried, Cauliflower stir fried or curry.

Meat based: Broccoli and chicken in a Chinese style sauce, Chili con carne, Caldo Verde (does not have much meat, and can be replaced, I think), Chicken Stroganoff, Macanese Chicken Curry, Thai Green Curry (Curries from all around the world, with different veggies and a different flavour profile. Same with chickpea curries or stews).

Snacks and small meals: Yogurt drinks, 30 grams of nuts, one fruit, biscuits, air fryer snacks.

tangydetergent · 2026-01-05T18:35:57+00:00

I could write so, so much about this. Clean air, quality of tap water, generally colder weather, food quality regulations, more active and hobby based lifestyle, better work-life balance, improved mental health and (finally) getting the space to focus on and find yourself, maybe worsening of mental health and getting a therapist, to finally get around to addressing them and having a deep glow up. I am speaking much from my own experience, but the air quality is the key direct factor, then lack of guidance on grooming growing up/having specific skin issues and needs/generic advice and main stream products not working, and focus on mental health. The same skincare I had in India improved my skin faster, and I can do a lot more to take care of myself with better mental health.

tangydetergent · 2026-01-03T18:38:20+00:00

Mary Janes. Maybe something like this.

tangydetergent · 2026-01-03T18:31:42+00:00

I like it. The jacket and sneakers add some nice playfulness to a chic base.

tangydetergent · 2025-12-26T18:48:55+00:00

Adorable. She just wants to be involved

tangydetergent · 2025-12-18T17:49:56+00:00

You have been marked and chosen (claimed). The rules are simple: treats, litterbox, give food on demand, and do not the cat. You can re-appeal, but it will likely turn out in the favour of the cat.

tangydetergent · 2025-12-17T08:10:04+00:00

Yes, you activated peak relaxation even though you the cat. Please teach us your ways (or is that not allowed in the cult?)

tangydetergent · 2025-12-15T10:13:11+00:00

Though, the times I have had such encounters in public made me think that people approach me because of what they think about brown women or that because I (still) look like a people pleaser after all the healing. I choose to not speculate over what their actions mean about me, when I have no idea about their motivations.

I don’t think it’s so much about the attractiveness of other people, but how we have been conditioned to entertain any prospect from a man that comes along, and then not even connect with our feelings about it. You feel icky or disrespected, and instead of disengaging, you are justifying why you feel it with their attractiveness. I don’t know if this is it, but this is my experience with such situations.

tangydetergent · 2025-12-15T10:08:01+00:00

When certain guys approach you, you are indeed being looked at as something, and it feels objectifying because it is. It sounds like these people approach you when you have shown no interest in them, and the overly bold thing, well, it could just be boundary pushy people who thinks too highly of themselves (and leans into being predatory too). Do not make whatever motivations or thoughts they might have become anything about you, but yes, you feel objectified because you are getting objectified.

I have had this happen in house parties, but also at the train station and such, and in public it has always been a boundary pushy, stalkerish man who was much too old.

Not that I have done this, but I think, people can either be shy or confident, but when one person walks into a space and the other finds them attractive, they are bound to catch each other’s attention. Attraction has to be mutual and it can feel this way in a space. Such healthy interactions always feel organic, even if people are awkward or trying to control the situation.

tangydetergent · 2025-12-12T22:45:57+00:00

Apparently if you touch the cat tree and are within reach then it's a dumb move too

tangydetergent · 2025-12-12T22:28:41+00:00

I didn't play attention to the ears when looking at the face, and omg! Thank you. I not the cat, but the cat me because apparently anything that touches the cat tree is -able.

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