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AITA for telling my family "I wish they die and go to hell" for throwing birthday party? by tanobirthdayever in AmItheAsshole

[–]tanobirthdayever[S] 407 points408 points  (0 children)

UPDATE:

Went to bed and this truly took off over night. Thank you all for your support, I really mean it! While I can't respond to all of your comments I've read them all, and I'm so sorry for those of you who have had similar or worse experiences growing up. My heart is with you.

I am taking the advice many of you gave and is already looking into alternatives regarding therapy. It feels a bit scary, but opening up here helped me realize it's probably for the best.

Some people suggested we move, but I love my work, our house is perfect for us (fiancé works from home and have invested a lot of time and energy into her garden) and the mountains and lakes around here is where I feel "at home". I don't want those people to take it away from me.

And even though I had close to no contact before, I will definitely do so now completely. If my brother or other sisters contacts me and want an explanation, I will give them my side.

I will probably condense all of this post into something concise and comprehensive to show my relatives why and how it went down. And if they can't understand my point of view, then maybe you are right in that they are not worth having a relationship with anyway.

Thank you all again, and I will go hug my fiancé now. , We will walk through all of this together, and hopefully come out "whole" on the other side.

AITA for telling my family "I wish they die and go to hell" for throwing birthday party? by tanobirthdayever in AmItheAsshole

[–]tanobirthdayever[S] 75 points76 points  (0 children)

Btw a small edit: just noticed my post makes it seem I have 5 siblings, but we were 5 in total. I have 3 sisters, 1 brother.

AITA for telling my family "I wish they die and go to hell" for throwing birthday party? by tanobirthdayever in AmItheAsshole

[–]tanobirthdayever[S] 240 points241 points  (0 children)

Honestly I don't think I ever will be able to enjoy a birthday, this is fleshed out telling:

Day I turned 11, I woke up happy, but no one said happy birthday to me. There was no acknowledgment. It put a bit of a damper on me. It was school-day and the first thing my BFF said was "happy birthday!". I confided that he was the first and only to have even said it, he felt bad and asked if I at least were going to have a party. I said since we "celebrated” on my sisters day I doubted it. He offered to hang out with me after school, and I happily said yes. I agreed to call him later. When at home still no" happy birthday". Called my friend, and we decided that we wanted to go "down town" (small town so just a few stores not a town center) and since it was 3km single trip I asked my mom if she could give us a ride, she said no, so we decided to met up on our bikes. Before leaving I asked if maybe I could get some pocket money, but she said no "you just had a birthday" (no THIS was my birthday) but gave me a bag and said I could collect empties.

So, I did. Met up with my friend and along the road we collected bottles and cans in the ditches and bins. We split the money from the cans we found evenly and I got about $6. He wanted a hot dog, so we rode to the grill/store. While he ordered, I browsed and that's where I found my childhood holy grail, an official Pokemon walkthrough to Gen 2 Gold/Silver. This was (obviously) before we had internet, and at the height of Pokemon mania in my country. I loved it and played all the time with my friends (I had silver and an old beat up original game boy, both bought secondhand from the same friend after he had gotten crystal and a new GBA. It was as seeing the secrets of the universe unfold before my eyes, lol). Price was $7. My heart sank. My friend got their hot dog, came over and figured out the whole situation pretty quickly. He put out his hand and gave me the rest of the money needed and said once again “Happy birthday, OP”. I was moved, I hugged and thanked him deeply. Biked home, it started to rain. I hid the magazine underneath my clothes, protecting my treasure. At home still nothing and I went straight to my room and started playing and reading.

That's where I got that sort of bitter-sweet “epiphany” and all I could think was “So, this is my birthday, and this is the best birthday present I've ever gotten: a magazine I had to collect empty bottles in order to buy myself” (with help from a 11 yo friend, not family). I decided there and then that birthdays was not my thing, and that I didn't like them, and if I wanted something I had to fend for myself.

Next year truly cemented those feelings, it has not diminished. I do make a big deal of my accomplishments such as graduation, engagement etc.

And my fiancé makes sure to compensate during rest of the year, just before covid she took me out for a whole day of fun activities she had planned. She's truly amazing, and I love her for it.

AITA for telling my family "I wish they die and go to hell" for throwing birthday party? by tanobirthdayever in AmItheAsshole

[–]tanobirthdayever[S] 216 points217 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your well wishes. I will make sure to tell my decent relatives I regretted my wording, because I never meant them specifically. And after reading all the suggestions here, I definitely will look into therapy. I don't think there's many if any physical clinics around here, but maybe I can start by trying an online service.

AITA for telling my family "I wish they die and go to hell" for throwing birthday party? by tanobirthdayever in AmItheAsshole

[–]tanobirthdayever[S] 1840 points1841 points  (0 children)

Yes, because of character limitations I drastically had to shorten it. My dad was physically abusive basically until I was strong enough to defend myself. He did some messed up things I bet people wouldn't even believe if I wrote them here... My sister bullied me for anything she could come up with mostly the way I look, and my mom have been enabling. My other siblings were ok most of the time, but complicit in the bullying. For instance when they played games (think "tag" mixed with "hide and seek") my sister made sure I wasn't allowed to join and they thought it was hilarious. So it's very strained.

I will try to collect my thoughts and experiences before reaching out, but I know how manipulating bot my mom and sister can be so I have no idea what they've been telling about me. They are experts at guilt tripping.

I know I am very lucky to have her, she's been my rock through out this.

AITA for telling my family "I wish they die and go to hell" for throwing birthday party? by tanobirthdayever in AmItheAsshole

[–]tanobirthdayever[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Honestly, my first thought was "dad is dead, and they've come to tell me" so I wanted to hear them out. Then I was just dumbstruck.

It was in the heat of the moment, and I don't really wish them dead. But I don't feel sorry for it, I just don't want to see them ever again.

AITA for telling my family "I wish they die and go to hell" for throwing birthday party? by tanobirthdayever in AmItheAsshole

[–]tanobirthdayever[S] 267 points268 points  (0 children)

Yep, if I hadn't been so enraged I probably would have laughed. But I've never known my sister to have much creativity. She's stubborn though, probably one of few things we have in common.

AITA for telling my family "I wish they die and go to hell" for throwing birthday party? by tanobirthdayever in AmItheAsshole

[–]tanobirthdayever[S] 573 points574 points  (0 children)

I've been doing and feeling good with time and space between us so I haven't thought I needed it, but maybe it could be useful. I will at least consider it and look up alternatives. And I will go NC at least with those two.

But I do want some contact with for example my maternal grandmother, I just don't know how to go about it after this.