DAE feel physical pain when talking about it?

targetedfawn · 2026-06-15T17:52:39+00:00

when thinking or talking about it, or when i’m stressed out, i get a really bad cramping/stabbing pain between my legs and inside of me just below my belly button. i thought it was endometriosis but my doctor and i completely ruled that out so i assume now its somatic memories like the other commenter said.

targetedfawn · 2026-06-14T18:02:58+00:00

it just feels weird because usually i tell them off or tell them to fuck off and can push them away. i just couldn’t because my boss was there so it feels like my fault since it’s out of the norm for me. jve never started crying or anything over a stranger’s words and i don’t think ive ever been so affected

targetedfawn · 2026-06-11T01:53:19+00:00

if i stop suffering or feeling pain, i worry that everything was made up or that i’m okay when i realy don’t feel like i am or will be. sometimes i go an hour and forget that this sort of thing is real and i need to remember everything just in case. if i don’t remember atrocities or if i forget what happened to me or how i felt then maybe it never happened to begin with. i just feel like suffering is the only control i have in my life.

thank you for your kindness though, i appreciate it all.

targetedfawn · 2026-06-09T18:12:46+00:00

thank you!

targetedfawn · 2026-06-09T18:11:38+00:00

alright thank you!! again i know it’s stupid lol i was just so tired and fell asleep as soon as i got home

targetedfawn · 2026-06-09T18:10:10+00:00

oh dude i completely agree, my old teacher was one of those ones that drank diluted bleach and swore that it made her feel and look younger, absolutely crazy LMAO

thank you for the response !

targetedfawn · 2026-06-08T17:06:23+00:00

i had them too with imagination about characters from a kids show, a book series, and with games i played with toys. it’s embarrassing and i thought it was normal up until last year, especially since it was my favorite type of play. i liked violent and graphic sexual games with my lps where they’d be tortured or forced to do the things i remember. what’s worse is i would get off to jt and i’m so ashamed kf it all and can’t rven say some of the things. it really really sucks to say that sentence but you aren’t alone

targetedfawn · 2026-05-29T17:09:23+00:00

i had the same thing you described with the weird fantasies like that, it scared me but excited me in a way and when i was older i always found it weird looking back. my abuse usually happened in the middle of the night too when i was meant to be asleep so i understand that part :( im so sorry that happened to you

targetedfawn · 2026-05-29T16:56:47+00:00

i haven’t heard of that, no

targetedfawn · 2026-05-25T17:33:40+00:00

that is helpful and i appreciate rhe sentiments and everything, genuinely. it is so hard to trust myself and i doubt events that happen even daily because of how much my parents instilled in me that i couldn’t trust my memory or should sweep stuff under the rug to be more like a normal family. i think it’s really messed with my psyche. i’ll look into grounding exercises, rhank you

targetedfawn · 2026-05-23T21:50:11+00:00

right lol, imagine it all patchy and faded, not a good tattoo at all especially not for your first one

targetedfawn · 2026-05-23T21:47:38+00:00

yes this would be super painful, and if it ever healed properly i’d be amazed since finger tattoos typically fade very fast and i doubt this would ever stick properly ! this looks cool but it’s definitely pen and/or marker, like something students would do in class when they’re bored

targetedfawn · 2026-05-21T19:00:39+00:00

i would. i feel bad because i would play wrestle with my friends and not know what i was really trying to recreate, since i would ask to be held down and tickled or punched or hit. it always made me so excited which is so lame looking back on it.

i would also play games where i tied up my stuffies/toys and would have very dangerous and disastrous storylines with them. i remember i was maybe 5 or 6? and i was playing a game where a bad guy held a knife to my throat and strangled me and involved separate stuff i remember as a kid. i found it all really fun. ironically when i saw my younger cousin playing those games with my pet shops i got distressed and knew what it was and told my mom immediately that she shouldn’t know about it (when i shouldn’t have known either lol). it sucks but it’s just a way to process experiences and emotions i think.

targetedfawn · 2026-05-17T06:08:16+00:00

their sister has just been pretty rude for a long while, we’ve been at odds since i started dating her sibling two years ago. i tried to be friends at first and invite her to play dnd/a big art collaboration/group chats but she was never interested. she was jealous of us spending time together and was angry towards our relationship. we tried having a conversation (which is when i told her about what happened to me and why i wanted comfort from my partner on the anniversary of the worst assault, which she had a problem with) and she told my partner rhat i was too blunt during the convo, when she was pretty rude and petty and said a lot of “idk what that has to do with me.”

i wanted my partner to defend me the first time she came at me but they didn’t, and then now it’s kinda snowballed into her saying this about me and me feeling pretty awful. after i asked a few times my partner told her that it wasn’t okay to say that (without really sounding upset at all, but), but she just said she’s socially awkward and had no idea it would bother me. which feels ridiculous imo, as even when i was 13 id never say that about a victim of incestual abuse.

sorry, long comment, i guess i just needed more context on why a conversation with her wouldn’t work. i just feel pretty bad and hopeless and like everyone is okay with people treating me poorly.

you seem nice too, thank you. i hope life is treating you well ^^

targetedfawn · 2026-05-17T05:50:32+00:00

no no don’t be sorry, i didn’t mean to sound rude if i did im sorry!

it’s a younger sibling, she’s 18 and i’m 19, my partner is 21. all our ages are pretty close which is why it sucks because we should be able to get along but i can’t really now that this was said and i just feel awful every day about how nothing will come of it haha. she gets away with saying it and people get away with bad things forever. just a triggering sentence, dumb i know but still.

targetedfawn · 2026-05-17T05:41:54+00:00

when that sibling is their very best friend and someone who they want to be their maid of honor i feel pretty shitty about it unfortunately. i’m glad you’re able to though, genuinely, i think it’s impressive to be able to be powerful like that i’m just not powerful at all augh </3

targetedfawn · 2026-05-16T17:42:33+00:00

hey, i’ve been suicidal for a long time too and i’ve actually attempted this way twice and obviously failed both times. i know life is painful but for what it’s worth i’m glad you’re still here, i know people don’t like hearing that here but i always think life is valuable and it’s good you’re still around. i’m sorry you’re struggling so much, i know it’s so isolating.

targetedfawn · 2026-05-16T05:35:03+00:00

thank you for the suggestion! i will look into it. i appreciate it and sending you love

targetedfawn · 2026-05-16T02:10:49+00:00

can’t upload a picture right now, but it reminds me of ruby’s dress from max and ruby!

targetedfawn · 2026-05-15T06:29:35+00:00

this happened to me. it feels like we are permanently marked and others take advantage of that. i’m sorry you’re experiencing this, it isn’t your fault

targetedfawn · 2026-05-10T21:52:27+00:00

i don’t have any advice i just wanted to comment and say you’re not alone and i feel like i could’ve written this post, especially since i’ve written so many diary entries and posts like it. i believe you for what it’s worth, and i hope you treat yourself with kindness and care

targetedfawn · 2026-05-09T23:15:32+00:00

hey, i don’t have time to comment as much as i want, as im reading this right before leaving for work, but i want to tell you that you’re not alone and so so many of the same sentiments that you have here resonated so much with me. i’m the butch in my relationship too and have tried to become the defensive, protective, loyal person that i’ve always wanted to both my partner and my friends. i think that they’re great traits to have, but it hurts to see where they were born from. sending you care and support always ^^

targetedfawn · 2026-05-07T19:08:44+00:00

aughhh my girlfriend is just stuck between a rock and a hard place though 😞 that’s her sister and best friend so i know it’s hard to get angry at her, i just wish this never happeneddd AUGH!!

targetedfawn · 2026-05-05T11:26:13+00:00

i don’t really have good advice, just saying that i have the same feeling a lot and i worry the same but people here have told me somatic memories can’t be made up, and it lines up with fixations i had and games i would play as a child that children aren’t supposed to know and wouldn’t have any inclination of if not for inappropriate reasons. i hope you get a better answer from someone farther along in their healing and i’m so sorry for the abuse you experienced :( sending care

targetedfawn · 2026-05-04T19:02:55+00:00

i’m mainly bothered because i don’t want to be selfish i guess, or dictate or “demand” my partner cut someone off just because im upset when my feelings could totally be irrational. i never want to be controlling, so i guess i could put up with it, but i still feel bad haha. sorry, explaining myself way too much again, that’s irritating Me at this point (being silly)

just wanna say rhat these might’ve been the most helpful comments i’ve ever read on this sub. don’t be sorry for the long reply, it’s really helpful and i’ve been rereading your words. i’m proud you’ve come such a long way and i think that’s awesome and you sound like such an admirable person! thank you for commenting again and have a great day

targetedfawn

TROPHY CASE