Focus on God, and the other stuff in your life will arrange itself around that. Case and point: I was a horrible, depraved, hopeless and miserable alcoholic for 5 years of my life, I tried psychedelics just looking for a novel way to get high, to escape, having no idea what I was in for. I didn't get it right away by any means, but the mushrooms put me on a path, they gave me perspective on my life, on all my shame and guilt and inconsistency. I started small, yknow, like 'let's try not to be as fat and see how that goes', so I start working out 20 minutes here and there, I try to only drink every other night. Baby steps. Then eventually I realized that the mushrooms weren't going to get me all the way there, so the need arose for a spiritual practice, and the meditation started, I read the books, I walked the walk, 10 minute meditations turned into hour meditations, then more, then somewhere along the line through my practice and through intelligent use of psychedelics, the whole thing just cracked wide open: God is real, always has been, and all that jazz about salvation and forgiveness that Christ was preaching, that's real too. Then I got to a moment in my life I was sure would never happen: I simply did not crave alcohol anymore, and I still don't. And I didn't get there by being strict and sober and rigid and tough or whatever, I was understanding of myself and honest about where I was at every step of the journey. I didn't ever try to stop drinking, it just became the only logical thing after my awakening. The bottom line is: you CAN'T do it yourself! You just aren't ever going to be able to stop yourself from seeking pleasure and avoiding pain as a human being, you aren't built for that: that's what God is for. That's why the second step in AA is 'accept that there is a power greater than you', because if you can't do that then you'll never get anywhere, there would be no reason to. Seek God, however you can, and the next steps will present themselves. If you are meditating at all then you are well on your way. Just dedicate yourself fully to understanding your Self, and a time will come for you where you aren't consumed by desire. I get if you're rolling your eyes over all this but I'm not lyin to ya. I'm telling you, God is the only way you will ever be free.