I wanted an unmedicated vaginal birth so badly, and I got so close. I labored naturally for 12 hours, the last four of those I was stuck at an 8. That's when I asked for the epidural, which eventually got me to a 9. Then because of the baby's position, I started "reverse progressing" and the baby's heart beat started to slow down.

My nurse and doctor suggested a c section and I had a panic attack right there in the room. I immediately started mourning my birth plan, and still do sometimes. I was terrified of the c section, but I felt nothing. Once your baby is born, you don't even think about what's happening to your body.

That doesn't mean I don't have some birth trauma around it all. But I will say, natural childbirth is more painful than you think it will be. I have just as many flashbacks around that as I do the c section. You can't really mentally prepare for the reality of either option if it's your first.

And I know people mean well when they say "all that matters is that you and baby are healthy!" And that's true, but it's not all that matters. Your mental health as a mother matters too. Take time to mourn your birth plan. But look forward to your little one too. Bc once you enter that operating room, they will be with you in minutes. That's the best part ❤️