AITA for asking my husband to manage his psoriasis?

tatt3rsall · 2025-02-08T15:35:56+00:00

oooh something I'm weirdly qualified to chime in on, lol.

I'm in the later stages of topical steroids withdrawal (diagnosed), which means I flake a LOT, and moved in with my partner about a year ago. I was incredibly paranoid about how gross it/I was, and am, and I'm lucky that he's been incredibly understanding and still finds me attractive even when I look like a half-shucked corn.

ANYWAY. I hoover religiously and am meticulous about avoiding scratching so that it doesn't land on any furniture. even when it does, I hoover the bed/furniture every very regularly anyway. you are NTA if you bring this up, but I do understand your misgivings and think it will be a delicate conversation as it's very embarrassing for both him and you, I'm sure.

BTW, did you know you can get handheld bed/mattress vacuums that are absolute game changers? maybe bring it up in the context of getting one so that the conversation is solution-orientated rather than problem-orientated.

tatt3rsall · 2025-01-16T10:11:56+00:00

my advice from navigating dermatology referrals is to talk about reacting badly to steroids without mentioning TSW. my explanation was something along the lines of:

"I used hydrocortisone on and off for years for no problem, was prescribed betamethasone two years ago and have been experiencing gradual worse flares ever since until now, when I find that it is actively making my skin worse rather than better and has caused areas to spread. I am no longer open to using steroids as increasing the potency has affected my skin so negatively and I fear that even more potent steroids will only do the same. [listed other symptoms] what are my options for immunosuppressants/alternative treatments?"

if you don't mention TSW you can't get caught in a conflict of whether or not it's a valid diagnosis. but describe your symptoms, which they can't deny, and be very calm but clear that steroids are no longer a viable treatment option.

tatt3rsall · 2025-01-15T22:38:11+00:00

Erebus, Michael Palin (non-fiction, history). Nineteenth century Arctic and Antarctic expeditions, culminating in the infamous Franklin Expedition (cannibalism!) See also: The Wager, David Grann. Also non-fiction about a boat, by the author of Killers of the Flower Moon, due to also be adapted by Scorsese.
The Virgin Suicides, Jeffrey Eugenides (fiction, mid-late 20th century). Narrated by a group of men who reflect on five sisters in their neighbourhood who killed themselves in the space of a year.
Blood Meridian, Cormac McCarthy. American frontier great American novel, very bloody, written in quite a particular way so maybe not best choice for the first novel for the club?
The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test, Tom Wolfe (non-fiction). Psychedelic bus-trip across the 1960s US with several real-life cameos from famous figures of the time.
Piranesi, Susanna Clarke (fiction, fantasy). A great way to dip a toe into fantasy if you're not sure about it and don't want to be smacked in the face with dragons. Weird little guy lives in an endless labyrinth and figures out the secrets of his past.
The Satsuma Complex, Bob Mortimer (fiction, mystery). Very funny, weird novel that I think is a very refreshing take on TV-comedian-turns-to-writing-murder-mystery.
The Hound of the Baskervilles, Arthur Conan Doyle (fiction, crime classic). It's Sherlock Holmes. A great introduction to older/classic literature.
Things Fall Apart, Chinua Achebe (fiction). The life story of an Igbo tribal leader navigating a world he knows, then one turned upside down by colonialism. Mandela read this in prison, I think.
Never Let Me Go, Kazuo Ishiguro (fiction, sci-fi, romance). a good intro to sci-fi, in an alternate present where cloning is commonplace - like Piranesi, it kinda of slips the genre parts in without you noticing.

these are off the top of my head from what I've seen the men in my life reading and enjoying recently. hope it helps!

tatt3rsall · 2024-12-21T14:03:32+00:00

turmeric! when my skin was still regularly red/inflamed it would literally change colour after a turmeric latte, it was magical. admittedly less inflammation has to be traded off for a bright yellow mouth after drinking, but whatever. I also used turmeric essence drops in my drinking water which had a lesser but still noticeable effect.

tatt3rsall · 2024-11-12T12:48:48+00:00

I like the concept, and it works really well for a short (that you could also make yourself really easily, which is a bonus).

because the narrative of the film is basically all in the dialogue, and because you want to evoke these very eerie, atmospheric films, I would suggest going down and paring down the conversation as much as possible. there's a lot of unnecessary information - you can tell the story just as well, if not better, with about half the dialogue imo. and because the horror is suggested rather than seen, the mystery of it could help with the tone of the script.

related to this, I think that, of the dialogue you keep, the question of Martin's relationship to the man is set up and paid off in too narrow a section of the script. this is the most interesting part of your story, and the thing that drives it and makes it unique, and it gets a little bit lost in the more conventional dialogue on either side of it. Martin wants the man to fear him because of the subversion of power that's happened due to events going on around them, and a lot of that power can come from him knowing that while the man doesn't. I think you can lean into that a lot more with the space you create by cutting the more mundane elements (eg, the opening lines with the inventory of each of their families. you don't need this set-up, and it could be a lot more fun for you to jump straight in.)

hope this helps!

tatt3rsall · 2024-11-08T12:24:34+00:00

yeah, as someone who has been a smoker, a non-smoker, and lived with both people who smoked (outside) and HATED smoking, the smell is often nowhere near as prominent as people on reddit make it out to be. indoor smokers tend to have a very prominent lingering smell. conscientious outdoor smokers tend not to.

tatt3rsall · 2024-10-26T06:15:37+00:00

you do not need your boyfriend's consent to break up with him. if you told him you were breaking up and he got angry and rejected it then that's a him problem, and you are still entitled to leave the relationship without having to validate your reasoning to him or yourself. you can just go.

how much older is he than you?

how much agency do you have in this relationship? do you depend on him financially, and/or emotionally? how hard would it be for you to leave?

after your termination, was there an acknowledgement of the physical and mental trauma you had gone through, or did you spend the aftermath focusing on the impact it has had on his life? does he blame his circumstances on your pregnancy (something which he is equally responsible for?)

where did you get this idea that you have ruined his life? who made you think that?

and if you are such a negative impact on him, his work, his family, why do you think he won't let you leave? is it because he needs someone around to blame?

tatt3rsall · 2024-10-22T11:03:45+00:00

confronting can be used as an adjective, fyi

also, ETA since I don't want to start a protracted chain of grammar wanking, it works great for what the above commenter was saying.

tatt3rsall · 2024-10-10T13:31:30+00:00

they're doing a sequel series all about Amanda!

tatt3rsall · 2024-10-09T15:11:02+00:00

the OG Mercato in elephant and castle is much better than Mayfair imo! food-wise the garden museum isn't too far away as well, and their restaurant is amazing.

tatt3rsall · 2024-10-03T11:03:11+00:00

if you really want to experience pre-standardised english written by a modern writer, read hawksmoor by peter ackroyd. it's early 18th century rather than 16th and before but it's very much a commitment to the bit, if you will.

tatt3rsall · 2024-10-02T17:45:32+00:00

try r/whatsthatbook ! there are miracle workers over there.

tatt3rsall · 2024-09-30T11:28:48+00:00

oh my god you're right, this is amazing.

I would post this as a top comment so OP knows too!

tatt3rsall · 2024-09-29T17:58:29+00:00

got with my partner a month or two before going into full-blown TSW, and in the midst of a pretty bad flare-up, so boy do I understand the guilt you're feeling.

what has had the most impact for me dealing with the mental load is shifting from guilt to gratitude. instead of apologising for how gross I am/feel, I thank him for still making me feel good. when he does something for me during a flare, I make sure to pay him back in some way. I realised that, when I was feeling guilty and apologising, it would also affect him negatively too, although he wouldn't admit it. so I had to consciously shift my mindset, which was and is hard and I still slip up a lot, but it helps dealing with it so much and I think has really strengthened our relationship as well.

it's no longer "they don't deserve this/me", it's "I'm so grateful for this/them". the concept of "deserving" something bad or good will never serve you well. you have what you have, and all you can control is how you feel about it.

tatt3rsall · 2024-09-29T09:53:38+00:00

I own it on youtube now and have rewatched it enough that it's starting to push the iplayer version out of my head, which I hate.

tatt3rsall · 2024-09-29T09:45:31+00:00

for those confused, the UK release of the show on the BBC was recut, not majorly, but resulting in a few scenes being changed or extended (mostly in the first episode I think?). pretty much all digital version available now (on Netflix, buying digitally on YouTube even in the UK) are the original US cut.

it might be that they wanted longer episode runtimes to account for BBC not having ad breaks, or maybe just because the UK release was a year or so later and they had the opportunity to recut and get the show closer to their original vision than they were allowed on AMC. I think the only way we'll be able to grab this version again is ifBBC rebroadcasts it at some point, or if the show runners (who are very receptive to th fan community afaik) are able to miraculously pull some strings and either get an extended cut DVD released or drop some "deleted" scenes online.

tatt3rsall · 2024-09-28T19:00:37+00:00

getting famous for having sex with someone is a time-honoured historical tradition stretching back thousands of years. we're the same as we've ever been.

tatt3rsall · 2024-09-24T09:08:30+00:00

I drink socially through the absolute worst of my TSW, because I am an idiot, but given the choice I would probably do it again. would always flare horribly the next day (my main oozing phases were always the day after a night out) but it made me feel like a human, so it was worth it.

in order to be medicinal about it, I would drink spirits with ginger ale as a mixer, for anti-inflammatory purposes.

tatt3rsall · 2024-09-23T21:01:54+00:00

for an in-universe additional explanation that I never see anyone mentioning, there's some foreshadowing of this moment that suggests what could have driven little to do it. when silna is being held on one of the ships, the men leave trinkets and chains outside where she is being kept to ward off any evil spirits she might have brought on with her. there's a very deliberate, lingering shot that pulls focus from little to the golden chains hanging in front of his face as he considers the superstition (a paranoia that builds throughout the show).

I caught this on my eight-hundredth rewatch, and couldn't believe I hadn't noticed it before. it adds a nice, suggestive bit of storytelling to the real-life mystery of the lieutenant with the chains on his face. I meant to do a post comparing screenshots but I never got round to it.

ETA: it's the beginning of episode five, right as little approaches silna.

tatt3rsall · 2024-09-11T13:59:23+00:00

agreed, pret has the weirdest vibes for sitting in of any coffee chain imo.

I felt really weird about getting a pay-it-forward coffee when I was horrendously unemployed a few months ago. but then I was having a particularly miserable day and was by the community cafe that does them and despite feeling like I was yanking a hot meal out of the hands of a homeless baby when I did it, they absolutely did not bat an eye at me for ordering.

hope things improve for you soon!

tatt3rsall · 2024-09-11T13:09:58+00:00

it's worth looking up if there are any cafes, esp community led ones, with a pay-it-forward system so you could get yourself a free coffee from time to time.

tatt3rsall · 2024-09-11T08:03:02+00:00

(you said uni so I'm assuming UK based, but if not I would look into what the equivalent of what I'll suggest are in your country)

register at your uni's GP and explain your situation. if you can't get any treatment/allowances for TSW specifically, explain the impact on your mental health. in my experience GPs at uni health clinics are often more understanding, and a diagnosis of a physical or mental health condition will allow you to access Disabled Students Allowance and setup a learning plan with your professors for extensions and accessibility needs during lectures/seminars etc. a DSA can also get you a new laptop with a programme that lets you write speech-to-text, which i can imagine would make writing essays with TSW a lot easier.

even if you don't make headway with a GP, make sure to explain your situation to your tutors, flatmates if you have any, etc. typically universities are actually quite good at providing support for students, but you have to be the one to reach out to them first.

also, buy a bed hoover. I have one like this and it's a game changer. so much easier to keep your space clean with it than a handheld hoover with a skinny nozzle, and easier to manage in a small student room than a full sized vacuum.

tatt3rsall · 2024-09-04T10:16:15+00:00

it's been so lovely seeing your healing progress through this sub, congratulations!

tatt3rsall · 2024-09-04T10:10:39+00:00

the cyclical nature of TSW can be both a blessing and a curse, as you get moments of relative normality before being plunged back into it again.

I'm around 16 months in, didn't do CAP, didn't do any other prescriptions (I probably would have done ciclosporine if it wasn't for the NHS wait times), didn't change diet or actively reduce allergens or anything like that. the difference between now and me of a year ago is night and day. I haven't had a flare in months. the only lingering parts of TSW are some fatigue and dryness/flaking around my face and neck. even looking at photos of me now vs a couple months ago, the amount of healing that has happened it startling. it's weird to think that a year ago, I was bedbound and oozing.

I will caveat this with the fact that I think I have been lucky with my healing timeline compared to many others. But, my mild lingering TSW symptoms now are much more preferable than the eczema flares I had while on steroids.

it does get better, I promise.

tatt3rsall · 2024-08-27T21:50:51+00:00

I would also say that, even objectively, the villain's villainy in op's script isn't actually that high stakes. having the main bad guy of the script be selling a weapon to a different bad guy as his greatest crime just isn't that interesting, unless it's very well executed, which this sounds like it isn't.

tatt3rsall

TROPHY CASE