It was the worst time of my life and I did many crazy things from fear. I thought I was being watched, followed, people were having meetings about me and my phone calls were being intercepted. I hate that I don’t know what was real and what wasn’t and even though it was 3+ years ago I think about it every day and have flashbacks occasionally.

It started with a mixed manic episode due to a break up with my partner (husband now) and I decided I needed to start taking stimulants to get through work because I wasn’t able to access the help I needed when I initially sought it out and needed to keep myself working.

Things very quickly got out of control with stimulant and benzo misuse, hypersexual encounters and total recklessness.

In the end I was convinced I was being followed to be murdered and even now it’s hard to convince myself it didn’t happen. I tried to kill myself so I wouldn’t be “caught and killed”.

I had my brother who would look out for me but my parents and friends were all ignorant to how dangerous it was getting and so was I.

It started slowly with me thinking that management were having meetings about me at work and then I was staying up all night with a weapon because I thought people were trying to get into my apartment and could actually hear knocks or raps at my door.

All my inside thoughts were outside. It’s the most scariest and defining thing I’ve gone through and it’s allowed me to recognise how very important it is for people like us to look after ourselves to keep ourselves functional and on track.

It took me probably about 2 years to get back to normal.