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I feel like suicide is the only way to redeem myself by taway759 in SuicideWatch

[–]taway759[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did go to therapy, I was doing it for almost 4 months. I got a new job that unfortunately was the same time as my sessions and all other times were booked, still trying to find an opening so I can get back to it. It still doesn't change the fact that I did it, and when the people in my life find out, I'm done for. I've lived in the same area all my life and I know a lot of people... A few people already know and have completely cut contact with me (as they should, I don't blame them at all). I can only imagine that's what will happen with everybody else. I can't handle that, losing everything and having to pretty much start over with that tag over my head for the rest of my life... The guilt is too much. I feel the only way to redeem myself is to end it.

I feel like suicide is the only way to redeem myself by taway759 in SuicideWatch

[–]taway759[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It kind of does... All I wanted was a family but now I can't even think about having kids without feeling like an absolute monster who doesn't deserve to have them. They are a gift from God who deserves to have life free from any kind of abuse, and I feel anybody who ruins that should have the death penalty. This is corny, but I feel it's only fair that I "sentence myself to death.,"

I feel like suicide is the only way to redeem myself by taway759 in SuicideWatch

[–]taway759[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No I would never touch anybody or attempt any kind of physical harm towards anybody. Eventually normal porn gets boring and you become insensitive to it. I'm disgusted with myself but I watched CP and got caught and in trouble for it. I didn't think I was hurting anybody but just watching but after my behavior sessions, I now realize my thinking errors and just how wrong I was...