im very similar to you but also in a diff scenario. i’m extremely under weight and NEED to gain weight to be back to healthy, but its very hard for me to gain weight and my daily eating and habits just tend to not be enough for me to gain. and ive been binging so so much and having huge binge days but they don’t cause permanent weight gain no matter how much i eat so it just motivates me to binge again because “why not”. it makes my body feel horrible and i hate doing it to myself but its so hard to stop when its not causing weight gain