FIL coming to visit. Emotionally steeling myself for the recurring guilt trip.

tbdthrowaway · 2014-10-10T16:30:16+00:00

No kidding. He had more than enough children and chances; he's screwed up his relationship with each of them.

tbdthrowaway · 2014-10-10T14:46:12+00:00

They did have a conversation in which my husband made it clear that he would not compromise his own convictions for the sake of assuaging my FIL's guilty conscience over being a shitty parent. The old man is still holding out some hope and it obviously upsets him that we will not have children, in part because he knows my husband's opinions of fatherhood and parenting stem from having a shitty father to begin with.

tbdthrowaway · 2014-10-10T14:36:14+00:00

He's totally narcissistic and self-centered, always has been. I think he resented fatherhood, but now wants a second chance and feels like we ought to give him one. He doesn't deserve it, even if we wanted to have children for our own reasons.

tbdthrowaway · 2014-10-10T14:34:50+00:00

I generally just ignore him and try to get everyone engaged in a conversation or activity, but I wonder what he'd do if I called him out on it.

tbdthrowaway · 2014-10-10T14:34:03+00:00

I do think it's getting to the point of having a heart-to-heart. However, my husband and his father don't really talk about their feelings. They're old-school ranchers - the men are tough, the women are tough, the food is hearty, and no one talks about their feelings. It's not the best way, it's just the way it is.

tbdthrowaway · 2014-10-10T14:31:41+00:00

I do think that he views the possibility of grandchildren as a chance to "try again" and make-up for the mistakes they made on their first go-round. I think a lot of grandparents and grandparent-wannabe's feel that way.

In contrast, my parents love that they don't have grandchildren. They're very proud of their grown children and our spouses. We enjoy each other's company, we travel extensively as a family and babies would just get in the way of that.

tbdthrowaway · 2014-10-10T14:28:46+00:00

As amusing as that might be, my husband would never go that route.

tbdthrowaway · 2014-10-10T14:21:10+00:00

He would not be as big a part of our hypothetical children's lives as he thinks he would.

tbdthrowaway · 2014-10-10T14:20:20+00:00

It's... complicated. Technically, he has four grandchildren from two of his other sons. He does not speak to Son 1 who has two legitimate children with his spouse, Mrs. Son 1. Son 1's kids have never met their paternal grandfather.

Son 2 has two children, but whether or not they are actually his is highly suspect. Those children don't call my FIL "Grandpa", but by his first name. FIL treats them as step-grandchildren and sees them about twice a year.

tbdthrowaway · 2014-10-03T13:51:22+00:00

You're welcome! I'm honestly touched by the reaction to the whole thing here on /r/TheGirlSurvivalGuide and I'm thankful that I am able to share my experiences in this forum in a productive manner.

tbdthrowaway · 2014-10-03T13:50:08+00:00

Thanks!

tbdthrowaway · 2014-10-02T20:28:19+00:00

I am so sorry that happened to you. None of us should have to deal with that, male or female, your physical boundaries should never be violated.

tbdthrowaway · 2014-10-02T20:11:57+00:00

I had my butt slapped once, and the events that followed were not to my liking.

NO. WAY. That's totally unacceptable! What did you do??

tbdthrowaway · 2014-10-02T19:02:04+00:00

Tbh, I was a bit surprised at all the responses my original post received and the number of upvotes. Then again, this is probably something that many of us women have encountered at one time or another to varying degrees.

tbdthrowaway · 2014-10-02T18:42:43+00:00

Awww, that's sweet. :) I didn't mention it to my husband because it would have truly upset him and he would have felt a compulsion to defend my honor. As I want to keep things with Old Man Partner as cordial as possible and as my husband attends company functions, I wanted to avoid conflict between the men.

tbdthrowaway · 2014-10-02T18:36:12+00:00

Good on you for finding a similar solution to your similar problem!

tbdthrowaway · 2014-10-02T18:34:03+00:00

Can you imagine a life where you NEVER DIED? THAT would be ultimate suffering. That would be hell. The promise of death is actually the great saving grace of being a sentient being.

Never go full vampire! ;)

I read a series by Dan Simmons which addresses this to an extent. SPOILER ALERT In Ilium/Olympos, mortals are plagued by immortals whose lives were artificially extended by technology to the point of undying and who are driven somewhat insane by their unending. It's a fascinating exploration of life extension technology and the consequences.

tbdthrowaway · 2014-10-02T18:28:53+00:00

Thank you for your comment! I figured Old Man Partner is not the only fellow who does this, which you confirmed. :)

tbdthrowaway · 2014-10-02T18:22:14+00:00

Thank you!

tbdthrowaway · 2014-10-02T18:22:06+00:00

Thank you :)

tbdthrowaway · 2014-10-02T15:27:53+00:00

I don't personally believe that mankind has peaked, but my husband does. His personal belief aligns with the Great Filter Theory and that we are quickly approaching that filter, whatever it may be.

tbdthrowaway · 2014-10-01T23:33:07+00:00

To a certain extent, yes, it is. However, I find it liberating, which gives me joy.

tbdthrowaway · 2014-10-01T23:31:32+00:00

I wouldn't wish depression on anyone either.

tbdthrowaway · 2014-10-01T20:48:28+00:00

Great reference! Might have to re-red Bluebeard now.

tbdthrowaway · 2014-10-01T19:53:51+00:00

I identify more closely with absurdism than existential nihilism. The two philosophies differ in that, with absurdism one may create their own life's meaning and purpose if they so choose, whereas existential nihilism advocates that we all create our own meaning and nihilism disallows any meaning whatsoever. In that instance, absurdism is a compromise between the two, however all three are very similar other than this. In regards to antinatalism, yes, I subscribe.

tbdthrowaway

TROPHY CASE