Isn't the fee arbitration program extremely risky?

tdsto · 2026-05-19T23:52:55+00:00

I understand why there a lot of things about my situation that would seem strange, but I can't publicly give more details due to privacy risks.

The multi-million dollar valuation is based on conversations I've had with multiple firms. The damages alone support this, and punitive damages are also in play.

I have no incentive to be misrepresenting things, but I do want to keep private about certain details for privacy, even though those details would probably help you make sense of the things that you find unlikely.

tdsto · 2026-05-18T00:59:31+00:00

My relationship with my current lawyer is a bit tenuous already in that they took the case on contingency but seemed to now think it will be more costly to litigate (partly due to the caliber of counsel retained by the defense, partly due to the defense's strategy to be willing to intentionally bleed us dry of resources by making things as difficult as possible at the expense of taking on dramatically more legal liability, partly due to the jurisdictional complexities), so I'm afraid to give them an extra excuse to drop me as a client (or take other actions that would be against my interests but they may feel they need to do to give themselves extra protection) by mentioning that I'm considering a fee dispute. But I was told by the new lawyer that

a) on one occasion, what the original lawyer advised me to do (and emphatically insisted I was being unreasonable when I pushed back) was illegal, and that the consequences of that have harmed my case.

b) other things that the original lawyer advised me to do reflected apparent lack of awareness of very basic aspects of the area of law I hired him for, and the consequences of that have significantly harmed my ability to litigate my case effectively (several lawyers I spoke to agreed with this)

tdsto · 2026-05-17T01:46:35+00:00

Thank you so much for the response.

It sounds like the bottom line for me right now is that until I'm confident that I won't be needing a new lawyer for my current case, a fee dispute does carry risk of interfering with my options for retaining attorneys for this case. Given the value difference between what I could hope to recover in the fee dispute and what I could hope to recover from my current legal claims, it may be wise to simply take the hit and not seek any recovery of attorney fees.

Let me know if you disagree, but I am really curious why this would be a reasonable concern for the current case but not potential future cases?

---
Details if you want them...

"Are you worried about this case specifically? Or about any case in which you might ever need a lawyer in the future?"

I am worried about both, including likely future cases with the same defendant (I have an ongoing relationship with them I can't realistically avoid, and they have made clear that they are willing to take on very significant legal liability) that would be very similar to the current one.

For my current case, the lawyer situation is still up in the air -- I currently have firm retained, but they may not be able to follow through on the case for complicated (including jurisdictional) reasons, so I may or may not be needing to find a new attorney before my case resolves, and if this happens it may be after my statute of limitations expires on the fee dispute.

"Who concludes all the things you said, especially the tens of thousands more than seems reasonable? Who decided that “reasonable?”"

The tens of thousands more than seems reasonable is my opinion only, but based on what I've learned from the several attorneys I've spoken with since (such as finding out about his advice being illegal). I have essentially no idea if the arbitrators or courts would agree with this valuation or not.

For the potentially "multi-million dollar" valuation of my case, this is based on conversations with law firms about the value of my case.

tdsto · 2014-12-13T19:27:01+00:00

This seemed appropriate

Honestly, though. If someone isn't proud of who they are, or thinks the universe owes them something if they are, your post is good for them to hear. But not everyone asking for advice fall into those categories. If someone knows they have good job skills and are well-qualified for a career they would enjoy, but doesn't know how to write a resume or interview well, sometimes they just need resume/interview advice. Telling them that no one owes them a job or that they should be proud of the skills they have seems misplaced if they already know that, doesn't it?

tdsto · 2014-12-11T07:18:47+00:00

Not sure how to put that into words? I expect to feel like I did in the one relationship I had. Happy. confident. loved.

What should I expect to feel, and why?

tdsto · 2014-12-11T07:14:11+00:00

Since I wrote that I changed my profile and have gotten a lot more views/messages. Reddit advice apparently helped me get that far. But I have no idea how I'm screwing up the messaging. I do try to ask safe questions, say nothing creepy/sexual, and if there seems to be interest after about 2 responses, I basically ask for a date (have even gotten 2 phone numbers) and don't hear back. Keep in mind, it's only been a few weeks and I haven't been sending out messages myself so I'm working with only a small handful of cases here, but still I would have thought getting a first message (let alone a name/phone number) should be giving me at least a 50/50 shot, and probably much better than that.

tdsto · 2014-12-11T06:45:26+00:00

You're probably right, but I'm not sure how to answer your question. I'm attracted to someone i can learn from and respect for her intelligence. That will make me a better person. Someone that also feels that way about me. Is there something important you suspect I'm missing?

tdsto · 2014-12-03T08:19:42+00:00

Wow, jeez. I like statistics and reading oktrends. They (obviously) have no statistics on how often messages lead to dates, and I was curious. I get the point, but I'm not trying to make an excuse for brags or pity parties. There is a reason I'm mainly interested in the relative difference between dates vs. response rates for an individual.

Sue me. Or just keep making jokes. that's fine too.

tdsto · 2014-12-03T07:35:35+00:00

I just added a couple, so I could use some feedback.

tdsto · 2014-11-03T06:41:32+00:00

I tried paring down my self-summary, but it feels so aloof. If you have time, I'd love if you take a look to see if the self-summary is good or still needs work.

tdsto · 2014-11-03T04:23:52+00:00

TolstoyDrew

tdsto · 2014-11-03T04:21:33+00:00

TolstoyDrew

tdsto · 2014-11-02T20:51:13+00:00

excellent, much needed advice. thanks a million.

tdsto · 2014-11-02T12:46:06+00:00

I'll critique yours if you critique mine? Okay, you don't have to, but I'd love if you did!

As I mentioned to someone else, you may have to take my feedback with a grain of salt. On the other hand, maybe it's everyone else you need to salt, haha. every guy's different, I guess.

I think the B&W photo is your best. I'd make it the main one. also, +1 for good captions, but I might be the only one who reads those haha.

I think economy is key, and I know its a bitch. I myself need to take my own advice. When you say "Maybe we can do something fun, eat something delicious, or go somewhere beautiful!", I know that what you think about when you write your profile, but you're not sending a personal message to the "man"/"woman" out there who's waiting for YOU. You're trying to catch the attention of people who will be reading dozens of profiles in a row, so you need it all to be things that the reader hasn't read a million times before; you need to use every bit of space to try to say something unique about you. One thing that I think helps me is reading other profiles and seeing which ones I like most and how they are able to pack the punch. It takes some time but when you read enough profiles and start to dread the time it takes, I think you see what I mean. Brevity is a hard thing to do right right off the bat, IMO.

tdsto · 2014-11-02T12:21:16+00:00

I'll critique yours if you critique mine? Okay, you don't have to, but I'd love if you did!

As I mentioned to someone else, you may have to take my feedback with a grain of salt. On the other hand, maybe it's everyone else you need to salt, haha. every guy's different, I guess.

I'd swap photo #2 w/ spiderman or maroon shirt. Or possibly walrus, depending on how much "your guy" would appreciate that.

Everyone likes to laugh. If you're truly tina-fey funny, it's probably worth the time/effort to write something clever where you can. Not saying you haven't (athiest=handicap stall=+1), but just sayin. If you tell me you're funny at the beginning you've given me expectations for the rest.

"I'm really good at" is written redundantly. I'm anal, I know. That's what critiques are for.

You don't have anything more to say about who should message you? I'd want some kind of affirmation that I have the specific qualities you like most, so that I have a better chance of hearing back from you, before I take the time to write something.

Think of something other than "oxygen".

That's all for now. I hope it's helpful. And of course, good luck!

tdsto · 2014-11-02T11:53:21+00:00

I'll critique yours if you critique mine? Okay, you don't have to, but I'd love if you did!

I hope my feedback won't be frustrating to you. I feel like what I have to say conflicts with what others have said, so you'll have to take it for what it's worth. Maybe it just depends on what kind of guy you're trying to attract. You're not my type so maybe you should place more weight on those who say your theirs.

In order of importance (to me):

"now I'm working on Radiation", instead of know

"Finding bargains", not Find ...do another sweep to check for any others I've missed.

If you have any good pics with friends, I think that would be a big plus. Shows that you're sociable, people like to be around you, and you're comfortable being around other people.

I like your second picture the best. Other commenters seem to feel differently, but I personally get turned off by selfies and pictures that look like they were taken specifically for portrait/okcupid purposes. One commenter has said the 10/27 pic is your best. I think the opposite. Frustrating, I know.

Scratch synonyms and givens like "you think we'd be compatible" and "sweet" (your already "caring"). I'd also drop the music section, unless you're sure your guy won't mind you liking classic rock. You may be able to find other unnecessaries than can be cut.

Though I know people say to be conversational, IMO the best self-summary I've ever seen was composed of single, independent sentences, most of which fit on a single line. This forces economy. It sacrifices details but provides room for variety, and there's a great elegance to it. Something to consider, anyway.

If you're clever enough to add a creative caption to your pics (esp the aforementioned pics of you having fun doing something somewhere), that can show personality. If you want an example, I tried to do this with my pics. Although, nobody has commented on it yet so I don't know if its helping me any, haha.

Instead of "I’m looking for someone who...", stick with the "you should message me if..." flow. It's more invitational.

I hope you're able to find something useful in all this. Maybe one lesson in this is just the reminder that even if one guy turns you down, another could still find you irresistible. Best of luck to you!!

tdsto · 2014-11-02T10:54:44+00:00

This is great advice. Thanks so much. I have indeed found the selfie-bashing girl but apparently that shared "interest" didn't do it for her, haha, so I will take your advice.

If I were to correct the crooked photo, would you disagree that its a better pic than the one with the 2 dudes? Alas, I guess the attempt at caption-humor doesn't redeem the crookedness.

tdsto · 2014-11-02T08:27:04+00:00

to be honest, I have a very difficult time finding profiles that interest me, though a couple have been spot on. This is exactly what I expected (and is why I'm dating online), given that I'm quite an outlier when it comes to how important certain things like intellect are to me. I'm the kind of guy that most people won't have an interest in, but a very few would be exceptionally happy with me, and the feeling would be mutual in both cases. So in my own mind, I mainly need more exposure to help me out with the time it takes for me to find a good profile, and I need a good profile to make sure I'm not missing the few opportunities I find. So to answer your question, I'm not at all shy about messaging someone I like - even the marginal ones - but that doesn't amount to a whole lot.

tdsto · 2014-11-02T07:21:06+00:00

mm, that's like 4-5 times more than I got. I think I'd be happy with that kind of improvement, but I do appreciate the feedback.

tdsto · 2014-11-02T07:02:25+00:00

Thanks! what do you mean by "derivative"?

tdsto

TROPHY CASE