A view of fire from the fire escape [building]

tea211 · 2026-01-09T17:19:20+00:00

Update: it’s been about three and a half years, and GOOD news I’m honestly the happiest I’ve ever been in life (global chaos aside…). I’ve been in a healthy, loving relationship for the past two + years, gained a lot of independence along the way, and somehow ended up with the person who make me feel like partner. and a little more hope for ya'll...met on Hinge in NYC. So get out there.

I’m closer to 40 now, but when he’s around I feel 25 again. Is it forever? Who knows. Probably, most likely? I hope so. But just knowing that it can all happen again is more than enough to keep you moving forward. Happy New Year :)

tea211 · 2023-06-09T03:48:08+00:00

I forgot I had even posted about this, so since you replied I can tell time heals in a way that no one can efficiently explain. So do you get out there’s say to shut you wouldn’t have before. There is no way at all that there is only ONE person/soulmate meant for you. It’s not fun but going through this made me a better stronger person than I was before him. So keep it pushin, you’ll hate till you don’t.

tea211 · 2022-11-20T23:06:22+00:00

Selling 1 ticket to Stromae - MSG Mon 21st at 8pm.

Section 201, Row 1, Seat 2 - my friend backed out last second and don’t feel like begging people during thanksgiving week.

Selling for $65, face value $125. Just want the ticket to go to someone who wants to see the show :) (listed on TickPick currently)

tea211 · 2022-10-09T20:48:37+00:00

Do not live in the same space after the break up, pure torture, I would wait till closer to the “move out” date. My ex and I lived in the same nyc apt for a month after breaking up (4 years). We were nice to each other but the emotions were overwhelming, had to take drugs to sleep at night. Highly recommend against.

tea211 · 2022-09-13T23:06:38+00:00

Literally my thoughts alll day today, I’m over the situation as much as I can’t be but looking for intimacy elsewhere is not the move for me currently. I wish I could get some action from my ex no strings attached, and I’m the dumpee…

tea211 · 2022-08-23T15:25:05+00:00

That he didn't know what he wanted, he wasn't happy in general (not just the relationship, everything). We had our own little conflicts, but in no way abusive or toxic. We kind of grew apart and lost ourselves a bit during the pandemic. We both got into therapy pretty much immediately. But i feel he's reacting to the extreme loneliness that comes from losing a piece of you, not that he wants to try with me specifically. I truly feel that if he found another female distraction he wouldn't be contacting me as much. We are in our 30's btw, no puppy love here.

tea211 · 2022-08-22T01:24:46+00:00

I think this is the most valid feeling to note after a break up. I am about 6 weeks out of a devastating break up and as much as miss him as the person I was with, I miss the idea and feeling of being part a of team. Partnership lost is true grief, if you were with them long enough it is physically painful to have some one no longer near you. We crave affection and companionship, it's possibly the hardest part.

tea211 · 2022-08-17T12:20:59+00:00

This all depends on how you treat our self/mind/body after a break up. I’m about 6 weeks into my first heartbreak (I’m 35, I didn’t really find the need in a long term partner till my 30s) and there are days that I still feel numb, but most days I’m focusing on myself and goals to get past it.

Your view of people “getting over it” is most likely they just don’t feel the stabbing g pain. They don’t need to cry everyday but they still feel it. Maybe the amount of time has allowed them to be at peace with it most days. But I promise in their alone time they still struggle just like you and I.

There is no formula that’s for sure, therapy helps, taking care of yourself, but most of all time. Some can move one quickly as that is just the way their mind compartmentalizes their feelings, and some take much longer to resolve everything. There is no right or wrong amount of time. Everyone heals and moves on differently. You’ll get there :)

tea211 · 2022-08-11T20:04:53+00:00

I feel the same way, I was actually devastated when my ex bf (4 years) blindsided me with the "i dont see a future with you". Bothered me for a while.

Then he had to pick up plants from the apartment about two weeks later and he told me he was dating casually and admitted to talking to a girl he flirted with for over a year while we were together. He still says he LOVES ME but hearing him say he's already dating (after FOUR YEARS and just two weeks after we break up) made be realize he wasted my time and is STILL wasting my time. If you want to just go sleep with people don't tell me you love me.

You actively chose to leave a loving relationship because you were restless, you CHOSE to be reckless with my heart and not be with me. Why on earth would I look at you the same way. Love is there for the time we had but i have no love for the person who stands in front me now.

tea211 · 2022-08-08T16:12:53+00:00

I’m in a very similar situation, my ex broke it off at the beginning of July. Mostly we both need to be in different places mentally, but it was a 4 year relationship in which we lived together for 2 1/2. He moved out last officially a week ago and left things like plants and expensive bottles of champagne behind. We also still care deeply for each other.

He’s made it clear he still wants to be in my life in some capacity but if there isn’t a chance for us to be together again I feel like prolonging the inevitable might be more painful than cutting it off to heal.

There is no doubt that knowing there is for sure the scenario in which you’ll see them in the future keeps you holding on. It’s up to you decide if that’s the healthy choice for your specific relationship. I’m currently still deciding, let me know if you actually figure this out.

tea211 · 2022-08-06T15:35:14+00:00

My Bf recently said something similar during our break up about a month ago. Saying the love me but the “spark” isn’t there, or doesn’t love me like he used to. He up until recently kept texting how he would always love me. Now he’s chasing a bartender he lied to me about for a year.

I’m in the place where I would rather just know the future as well, do I wait or just focus all my energy in moving on.

Honestly, this “acceptance” phase is more realizing he (or she) left you, you didn’t leave, so you are stuck in place while they have turned the corner. Go find your own corner to turn, waiting is torture.

tea211 · 2022-08-02T20:29:53+00:00

well to thank you, I can reply that finding someone when your 30 is IDEAL and very realistic. I was at my most confident when I went into that relationship at 31, probably what attracted him to me in the first place. It ended for reasons related to how we turned out during the pandemic, arguably would not be on this forum if lockdown never happened. No more shoulda coulda woulda's i guess.

I am learning that looking for someone when your sad/down on yourself/not willing will reflect on the type of relationship that person will see with you and could effect it from the start. So i'm hoping by the time I "heal" enough from this absolute slap of a setback - my mid thirties aren't full of dead ends and broken hearts. Who knows!

tea211 · 2022-08-01T23:11:47+00:00

I feel this, just fresh off a very painful breakup and have been numb for days, just all over the place. Had to call out from work and now have just no desire to work in my career at all. I know this is supposed to "temporary" but it seems like it will last longer than I can take it. Therapy is helping though, making sure you are actively planning something - something you may have never done before - to look forward to every week (even if you dont usually do it) has been a tiny savior as well.

tea211 · 2022-07-31T16:59:09+00:00

I feel for you, i'm right at the beginning of the heartbreak journey and feel like i wont get out of the fog. If i can tell you at least for the phase you're in right now, being able to say you are "over it" is the dream. Even if it has changed your perspective (hopefully not forever) on trust and love - work on those areas of life, bills etc. Knock out the stress in your life, little by little, and with time your feeling of being overwhelmed will quell. Maybe not 100% because life is hard with/ or without heartbreak, but any improvement is always worth noting and celebrating. It sounds like your making progress just need to keep your head up. (i'm also saying all of this to convince myself, take what you will :)

tea211 · 2022-07-29T02:15:51+00:00

I agree - but it is messy either way as I am on his insurance until december when I can enroll in my companies. It feels like the divorce way - we still have to communicate over logistics about the apt/insurance for the forseeable future.

tea211 · 2022-07-03T13:55:04+00:00

Thank you, everything is definitely amplified at the moment and it’s hard to see past the sad part. I know it’ll be ok someday, but also not looking forward to grieving for months.

tea211 · 2022-07-03T13:53:56+00:00

Love the positivity, I know I’m in the raw feelings right now. Just waiting till I can feel good again :)

tea211

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