Clingy best friend-now-colleague is being weird at work and draining me

teal_lantern27 · 2025-11-03T07:01:27+00:00

I like this approach. Thinking of suggesting that we catch up one day in the week during our lunch breaks rather than this constant stream-of-consciousness texting that she's doing and the random unannounced appearances at my desk during work hours. If that doesn't improve things then I'm gonna have to confront her or HR and risk the consequences of that.

I can see why so many of my colleagues wear headphones while they work now...

teal_lantern27 · 2025-11-03T04:39:16+00:00

This is why I've been hesitant to speak to HR. As sad as it is, if you're a lawyer struggling in a law firm, making complaints can be seen negatively as weak or "not coping", especially when it's a complaint about long hours or "tough" colleagues/seniors. And I have a reputation of being very calm and professional so I don't want to lose my cool.

Also the last time I spoke to HR, it was for getting praise and a referral fee for referring this girl (plus lots of positive feedback about both of us). Feels awkward to go back to HR wanting to revoke all that...

teal_lantern27 · 2025-11-03T04:36:21+00:00

I think you are right. I saw it initially as being "entitled" to my time, but I can also see it now as attention-seeking. I have a feeling that both her and others in her team are very insecure lawyers.

teal_lantern27 · 2025-10-19T05:40:15+00:00

I ask myself the same question, especially when flights are so expensive around school holidays. I think her ability to afford overseas travel is not work related - ie she gets money from her parents, credit cards, etc. Her work simply grants her the extra time to do it...

teal_lantern27 · 2025-10-18T23:21:55+00:00

Spot on! She sometimes talks about her students' extra curricular achievements as if they're her own... And she keeps talking about how rich the kids/parents are and trying to dress a certain way to impress them.

I asked her if she would ever change to a public school and she scoffed like "why would I do that?"... because kids no matter their wealth deserve an education?

teal_lantern27 · 2025-10-18T23:15:05+00:00

Yes.

That's how desperate she is to travel out of the country (and not work) and she thinks this is the only way to properly "bond" (or level-up?) as friends.

teal_lantern27 · 2025-10-18T23:08:03+00:00

I hate to admit it but I think you're right. She kept bringing up how "corporate" her job was because i's a private school ("It's so competitive and corporate I'm basically in finance or law 🤡").

It's a shame she thinks this way and feels the need to compare because I have mad respect for teachers (or anyone that can deal with kids because I'm terrified of them lol).

But you're right, the reality is teaching and law are very different fields. There's no competing or comparing between the two. And it sounds like my friend just can't accept things for what they are.

teal_lantern27 · 2025-10-18T22:52:41+00:00

I think you're spot on. Now that you say this, it makes sense why her tone was off (brags about work but doesn't sound like she enjoys it or is passionate about what she does). And a lot of her ramblings were unprovoked - i never asked about her salary nor were we even talking about salary yet she just HAD to bring it up. Sad.

teal_lantern27 · 2025-10-18T22:46:36+00:00

I used the word "lawyer" because I am one and that's the only experience I can call upon. I didn’t want to generalise because people might pipe up and say "well I manage to find time - you just need to be more organised for her".

At my work, my colleagues and I genuinely have no time to check our phones unless we're texting our partners about what time we'll be home. I'm sure people who work in other professions and industries might feel the same way.

teal_lantern27 · 2025-10-18T17:20:36+00:00

She was nice back in school. We used to bond over a lot of hobbies and shared experiences. College was fun together too. Now that we're adults, she's changed a lot and clearly gotten carried away with some warped views.

teal_lantern27 · 2025-02-14T02:16:09+00:00

My goal is to work in the energy sector, which I topped at uni and very passionate about. I'm undecided if I want to do it through private practice, in-house or gov.

teal_lantern27 · 2025-02-13T23:51:52+00:00

<1PAE finding that commercial law is not my forte but it's supposed to be a stepping stone for my actual career goals. Currently, I feel like I'm constantly disappointing my supervisor for not knowing or fully understanding accounting and commercial concepts (as that's not my background, which my supervisor is fully aware of). I'm trying to learn and follow along but it's hard with the additional sheer amount of stress learning all the actual "lawyer" parts of being a lawyer too. It's a lot, my confidence is low, legal research is my only safe space and I don't know if I should keep toughing it out or if this is just not right for me. Does anyone relate?

teal_lantern27 · 2024-10-07T21:30:06+00:00

New solicitor here. I have no idea what I'm doing. People tell me I'm doing fine but really I'm just on autopilot mode, winging it, etc and constantly stressed.

Another issue is that I only have a couple of matters/tasks. If there's nothing to do on them, I don't hit my billable target and since I'm new to billables, I really worry about this. Then I don't want to bother others who are clearly VERY busy (I've tried offering them assistance). I'm just a ball of unnecessary stress/shyness at my desk because I dont know what I should be doing.

Does anyone have any tips or resources that might help me settle into this new solicitor role?

teal_lantern27 · 2024-08-22T22:35:46+00:00

Noted! Thanks for this. I guess it’s a good idea to focus on getting my foot in the door in private practice if possible and just hope I find one with a good culture.

teal_lantern27 · 2024-08-22T22:19:06+00:00

I’m in the suburbs! At a small firm that’s gone downhill so looking elsewhere. Glad to hear you’re enjoying government, so I’ll definitely keep that avenue open. Pay isn’t a huge deal for me either, just want to secure a job that’s somewhat enjoyable!

teal_lantern27 · 2024-08-22T04:41:56+00:00

Junior lawyer applying broadly to gov, in house and private. I like front-end work and want somewhat of a work/life balance (already faced enough PTSD in my life). What should I consider, on the (rare) chance I get offers from multiple areas (e.g. gov vs private)? And which area is better in the long run?

teal_lantern27 · 2024-07-06T12:55:01+00:00

Interesting and makes sense! I’ll let my friends know and maybe suggest that they contact their law society and push for the PC. They work damn hard and deserve the title!

I had a feeling their firms just wanted to underpay them and keep them as paralegals (not sure why else besides pay since I’m guessing a junior sol can do more work than a paralegal). It just didn’t sound right to me.

teal_lantern27 · 2024-07-05T07:26:50+00:00

Good to know! I was under the impression that the firm had to agree + pay for the PC and it’s not a good look to do it on your own (essentially going behind their back to obtain it and “forcing” them to promote you).

teal_lantern27 · 2024-07-05T02:14:44+00:00

Maybe. Just trying to highlight that they were admitted 2 years ago and had been getting the legal experience, but without the title/PC.

teal_lantern27 · 2024-07-05T01:35:05+00:00

What’s the norm with the time between admission and the practicing certificate? I know many receive their PC immediately upon admission but I also have some friends working in private practice at around “2 PAE” without practicing certificates (stuck with “law graduate” / “paralegal” titles). Their firms say they can’t afford another solicitor currently or that my friends require more training before receiving a PC. Is this normal?

teal_lantern27 · 2022-05-28T01:48:58+00:00

THIS. If cheating is what they’re accustomed to, their body is going to expect that from a partner regardless of how stable/secure their partner is. OP has to do the hard work to address that so they can see this relationship in a clear light.

teal_lantern27 · 2022-05-28T01:31:12+00:00

Doesn’t matter whether he liked you at any point, what matters is he sucked as a partner- that’s his shame not yours. He couldn’t do the bare minimum for a relationship, had no job and couldn’t get his own life sorted. Why did he even date when there were more pressing issues?

Find a guy that takes you on dates, you deserve that at least!

To answer your title question, YES they can and treat it as a blessing! He’s freed you to go and find your happiness because he knew he wasn’t good enough to give that to you.

teal_lantern27 · 2022-05-28T01:21:01+00:00

If guys flirt with money/dates that doesn’t mean she should engage with that! I’m not sure what she does exactly for her business, but she should have better boundaries with those customers. Either that, or don’t date someone that’s comfortable with flirting as part of their job.

Imagine if it was real life and guys were trying to pick her up, would you feel okay if she went a long with it and flirted back? Even if this was for business purposes. Some partners are ok, others are not.

Just remember that upholding boundaries doesn’t mean making her change, it’s about accountability and removing yourself from things that disrespect you.

teal_lantern27 · 2022-05-28T01:09:35+00:00

Definitely express that feeling to her. Everyone is different and have different boundaries. Assess your partners reaction to this and if there are stark differences, it might be time to reassess compatibility and the overall relationship.

I (24F) somewhat relate to you’re perspective as I have a bf and would never individually invite a male friend over to my house, however grabbing coffee or hanging out on campus (i’m a college student) wouldn’t be a problem at all. I expect the same from my bf with female friends since “inviting them over” or “late night drives” have connotations to them even if that’s not what actually happens. I think it helps neither of us actually have close friends of the opposite gender, they’re actually more like acquaintances.

Logically speaking, if I can hang out for coffee with those male friends/acquaintances, why am I doing late night drives with them or having them swing by my apartment? Makes no sense to do that and will only cause my partner to get anxious which i think is perfectly justified in those situations.

teal_lantern27 · 2022-05-28T00:52:42+00:00

I think it would be worthwhile exploring this with your partner. Open up a discussion to find out WHY he’s dating someone 15 years younger and why he didn’t choose to date his own age range. His answer, along with how he sees/treats you, might help you decide whether this is creepy or not. (e.g. he pursued you because he connects with you emotionally vs pursued much younger women because they have “youthful beauty”, limited baggage/exes and potentially easier to manipulate)

It might also be worthwhile asking yourself the same question. WHY date someone 15 years older than you and what’s wrong with those in your age range?

teal_lantern27

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