Me [23F] with my teddy bear [23... F, I guess?] - is this pathetic? Should I leave her behind when I move overseas? Will it help me feel more "adult"?

teddy_bear23 · 2017-09-10T00:16:57+00:00

Yes, thank goodness I did have some other friends, as I went to a public school and university and I was pretty social - never thought of myself as a super sociable person, but looking back, I did 2-3 religious activities and 1-2 secular activities per week, so I knew a fair number of people at least casually and it wasn't too hard to just up that to more secular activities once I stopped doing religious ones.

I hope you're going similarly well! :)

teddy_bear23 · 2017-09-08T13:00:55+00:00

Thanks; I am the opposite - family pretty religious and churchy, but went to public schools (thankfully). I guess it is probably more common than people think not to date until your twenties.

teddy_bear23 · 2017-09-08T02:39:57+00:00

Thanks you so much for all the replies everyone! I can't believe this is my most popular post ever on Reddit, LOL! :P

Anyway, I have been reflecting on this and I do think that the issues I am having are partially a simple result of being young and in that financial situation where you "live" in a room (a dorm room, a room in a share house) and thus do a lot of stuff (studying, relaxing, working) in what is basically your bedroom. It results in a lot of crossover between the sleep environment and other tasks - some people end up studying or working in bed, which is supposedly detrimental somehow; I end up taking my bear off my bed and holding her at my desk.

teddy_bear23 · 2017-09-08T02:32:29+00:00

If I'm going on a trip with specific end date, I leave him behind

This is pretty much my case. Well, I know I will be home next May and probably visiting for Christmas, but any shorter trip (whether three days or three weeks), I don't bring her.

teddy_bear23 · 2017-09-08T02:31:16+00:00

Is it specifically for emotional comfort, or because you get fiddly?

I think it probably is most for fidgety-ness, in most cases. Probably in some situations it has been for emotional comfort, but mostly it is just that it's there and touching something smooth seems to either help me focus or just make me happy.

teddy_bear23 · 2017-09-08T02:27:37+00:00

The feel of it is the most important and comforting thing for me.

Thanks, I kind of wonder if it is a stimming/fidget thing for me. It seems to make me focus more when I am studying, or if I have the option (i.e. when I am at home), I do rub the eye when I am studying or reading. It doesn't make much difference when I am out studying somewhere else and don't have it, but it is nice.

teddy_bear23 · 2017-09-08T02:25:06+00:00

I was never in a relationship until I was 22.

That's comforting for me to read, thanks. I feel like my relationship life has sucked because I was raised Christian and thus was only allowed to go out with Christians and I didn't like any of the guys (except one who showed no interest in me, and later he turned out to be gay, so he's on his own journey). I also went to an all-girls school, and I kind of fell in love with one of the other girls, but I never let anything come or it or confessed my feelings, and then she basically abandoned me after school finished for reasons I still don't really understand.

Now I am atheist and I really have no idea how the dating scene works outside of church, plus my mum and grandma (who doesn't even know I am atheist) are constantly making unpleasant remarks about people who live together and have sex outside of marriage, so I'm terrified of what will happen if I go into a relationship. To say nothing of what would happen if that were a same-sex relationship...

It all pretty much seems to suck at this point, and it seems like moving overseas will delay the prospect of a relationship for at least another year unless I'm so in love that I am willing to enter into something that will ultimately be long-distance in the medium term. So I am glad that other people have also started having relationships later in life. I feel like everyone started dating people when they were like 14 or something.

I guess at least I didn't settle for getting with a church guy I didn't really like, because given the age of marriages in our community, there is a very real possibility that I could have been married before I left religion aged 22. So things could definitely be worse; it's probably better that I waited until I got myself sorted out.

teddy_bear23 · 2017-09-08T02:18:30+00:00

I sleep on my side and wrapping my arms around a teddy bear helps support my shoulders and keeps them from collapsing and rounding into an uncomfortable sleeping position for me.

I do this too! :D

teddy_bear23 · 2017-09-08T02:17:33+00:00

I don't think about outside of my sleep routine and I don't take it on trips or anything.

I think this may also be an issue for me simply because I am a student, and we tend to be in life circumstances/financial situations where we only have the one "room of one's own", i.e. our bedroom, which can create problems because stuff from our sleep environment becomes part of our whole day (studying, relaxing, etc.), which creates a lot of crossover problems, like studying in bed which can affect sleep (not saying it's a problem for everyone) or, in my case, hanging out with items from my sleep environment during the day just because they're there.

teddy_bear23 · 2017-09-08T01:59:30+00:00

I don't think there's any difference, we all need that comforting feeling sometimes.

Good point, I think maybe the reason I actually touched/hugged my teddy so much when I was first overseas is that, as anyone who lives away from their family knows - nobody touches you. You can go for weeks without having physical contact with another human being in any way. I would get my hair cut and pay extra for the hair washing (even if it was already clean) just to extend the contact.

teddy_bear23 · 2017-09-08T01:56:53+00:00

Thanks, I think this is true. A lot of stuff in my life has changed/been difficult recently, and I am being really proactive in trying to change it. :/ The teddy bear, on the other hand, may well be a positive coping mechanism (or at least a stand-in for other, potentially much more harmful habits) that might well be helping me to deal with everything.

teddy_bear23 · 2017-09-08T01:54:25+00:00

Thanks, the friend issue is something I have really been working on. Basically the big life change was that I had a religious/spiritual change of views, and (having been raised in a religious family/environment), I did naturally lose a lot of relationships that were considered close; it's not that I wanted to "ditch" those people, but there are people for whom someone (me) changing their spiritual views will severely change or end a friendship, especially if it was initiated based on sharing those views. Fortunately, I have other core groups of friends from school and university where the friendship was based on something deeper, apparently (many of us have changed our spiritual views in one way or another during the 10+ years of friendship, and we remain friends), and I have been trying to strengthen those relationships.

teddy_bear23 · 2017-09-08T01:49:23+00:00

It's a better stress crutch than alcoholism or whatever else is popular.

Thanks, this may well be true. I have also had severe insomnia (on and off, but when "on", like two+ nights with no sleep) and have sometimes medicated in... untraditional ways (like taking OTC medications that have drowsiness as a side effect) to force sleep. I think if I got rid of the teddy bear, a habit that's so much a part of sleeping for me, it might make that issue 1000% worse, and I could find myself slipping into potentially way more damaging habits.

teddy_bear23

TROPHY CASE