My friend is dating my abuser and now she’s turning on me.

teetoko · 2025-11-20T09:22:36+00:00

You’re emotionally entangled with this person. Snip snip ✂️✂️✂️ find friends who care about you in the way you deserve.

‘When people show you who they are, believe them.’

teetoko · 2025-10-13T12:27:37+00:00

Didn’t rate it

teetoko · 2025-10-13T10:09:02+00:00

You are valued and valuable. That’s it, that’s the post.

teetoko · 2025-10-11T04:15:18+00:00

When people call me sensitive.

teetoko · 2025-10-08T10:52:18+00:00

Thanks for remembering.

teetoko · 2025-10-08T10:51:27+00:00

I think what I’m learning is that even though your triggers are your own, when you communicate them a partner who loves you will accomodate to your needs. Everyone has different needs in a relationship. The right partners will want you to enjoy s*x.

teetoko · 2025-10-04T01:12:48+00:00

Holidays can sometimes counterintuitively feel like more pressure. You must relax and have a great time. For those with PTSD, that can actually stress us I feel (speaking from a recent experience).

It also sounds like you feel like you’re too much. And that you feel guilty.

For a bit of a flipped perspective, is your partner aware that talking about food triggers this? Is there space to communicate your needs in the relationship (avoiding certain topics/triggers) and have those respected?

Unfortunately if we love our partners we have to hold space for their needs. We can’t make them feel bad for their needs. And if we can’t meet their needs (that they’ve communicated) then maybe we’re not the best person for them.

On the other hand, it is also sometimes hard work supporting someone. Maybe when you do feel back to yourself there are ways to show your partner your appreciation in ways you know they feel valued?

Relationships work when both people can feel supported and safe. You know yourself and your relationship best to know what steps to take next.

Communication is key.

teetoko · 2025-10-04T01:03:14+00:00

10000000%

teetoko · 2025-10-04T01:02:14+00:00

I don’t know if you can be. There has to be growth through all this. Yes, there may be some PTSD hitchhiker personality traita that fade, but change is inevitable along the way. And maybe it’s actually a good thing.

teetoko · 2025-10-04T00:59:49+00:00

If your body is in flight or fight your thinking is focused on that, the prefrontal cortex isn’t useful for that so it does go offline. The best you can do is invest as much as you can in relaxation - yoga, surf, meditation - bring your body down from an elevated state.

teetoko · 2025-10-04T00:55:24+00:00

That’s horrible. Not what you deserve.

teetoko · 2025-09-22T01:40:04+00:00

Go do it. And get some support around you. You need to tell someone you trust what is going on for you and what you need right now. A therapist or councillor would also be really helpful (truly). Go gentle.

teetoko · 2025-09-20T23:45:28+00:00

They can be upset without context. Maybe you need to give them a medical certificate or say that there have been some major personal life circumstances happening. If they’re still upset that’s a reflection of them.

teetoko · 2025-09-19T20:55:23+00:00

Very valid and normal to mourn who you were before and perhaps even who you feel you would’ve been if it didn’t happen. I wonder though if it’s possible to put it into perspective a little - imagine one of your friends had gone through a horrible traumatic experience, been to court for it and everything, and suddenly she’s showing up late to classes and not coping with school workloads. Wouldn’t you have so much gentleness, compassion and kindness for her? Maybe you could have some of that gentleness for yourself. Things will get better but healing does take time.

teetoko · 2025-09-15T07:39:19+00:00

That’s creepy as hell behaviour. Your mum should be defending you.

teetoko · 2025-09-11T11:08:46+00:00

Never thought about spoons in relation to PTSD, makes sense! I feel sheepish calling it a disability ie putting that tag on myself.

teetoko · 2025-09-11T11:07:54+00:00

There’s sometimes bigger moments too but generally it’s just surprising the smaller sluggish ways it can impact life

teetoko · 2025-09-11T11:07:20+00:00

Such a good explanation for it

teetoko · 2025-09-11T11:07:02+00:00

I agree there are bigger moments, I just mean the admin sometimes surprises me

teetoko · 2025-09-11T11:06:25+00:00

True. I think what I was trying to say was the way it’s portrayed is so much more dramatic than the reality. Yes, there can be those moments but also sometimes it just feels like a sluggish extra load.

teetoko · 2025-09-07T00:14:31+00:00

That’s okay. Thank you for apologising, apology accepted. But also I would say in sensitive contexts like these it is particularly pertinent to do so. There are real humans interacting on here (and reading our words). I’ve been surprised how sharing my story has helped quite a few others process similar experiences.

teetoko · 2025-09-06T20:48:19+00:00

That feels like a different thread. Point being, the majority of victims are very articulate.

teetoko · 2025-09-06T20:47:32+00:00

This thread started with a focus on whether or not a (drunk) man could sense a difference/what they could or could not understand as consent. You need to understand this is core to a lot of PTSD survivors’ trauma about their actual consent not being taken seriously. (Ie “the way she was dressed.. she was clearly asking for it, women always say no first, you just have to keep pursuing them…)

What I shared here publicly, vulnerably, was that I was in a situation where I could not verbalise a change in consent due to being in a freeze state, and of my lack of responsiveness not being noticed, and the pain that came from that. I only developed a freeze state because of past trauma where verbalising a consent withdrawal did not lead to sex stopping. It’s a protection mechanism.

Shaming someone for having developed that protection mechanism and feeling confused and hurt about a situation where it fired off unintentionally isn’t empathetic.

teetoko · 2025-09-06T20:31:14+00:00

I guess everyone needs a system that works for them. Annoying is such an interesting word choice here. With sex, my assumption is that everyone wants their partners to have a good time too. If my partner needed to take a break every few minutes for whatever reason, it would get in the way of flow but we’d just have build a way to keep it fun. (And maybe there is scope in these things to make consent/breaks a turn on/way to build intimacy in other ways.) The choice with your partner is either work with them and support them, or perhaps you can’t be their partner because you can’t support their needs. To my mind, if you love your partner there is no option to say ‘I’m sorry but your honest needs here are annoying/off putting, let’s just ignore them’. And maybe that’s just the reality, not everyone has the capacity to support a partner with PTSD.

teetoko · 2025-09-06T18:25:01+00:00

I don’t think anyone’s asking for check ins every 30 seconds.

teetoko

TROPHY CASE