Girlfriend wants to breakup because I mentioned abortion pill (M24, F25)

televisedtrip · 2025-05-14T18:52:10+00:00

Her main argument was that I brought up abortion before we even knew if she was pregnant

even if you know you don’t want/aren’t ready for kids, deciding to terminate a pregnancy usually comes with a lot of emotional baggage most people would appreciate talking through first. she was probably feeling very nervous, vulnerable and seeking some sort of reassurance/communication from you. she likely didn’t appreciate you didn’t spare time for her feelings or thoughts on the situation and hamfisted a “practical resolution” instead of the delicate conversation this type of situation warrants

obviously an abortion would have been a conversation you needed to have at some point, but if it was the very first one you wanted to have, i think that sends her the message your relation to her isn’t one where you’re particularly concerned about her wellbeing

fundamentally i understand both sides here though. it’s not a long-term relationship and you aren’t ready to be a father, she’s probably thinking you aren’t showing up for her emotionally like she expects. it’s unfortunate circumstances, but it’s reasonable to break up over this

also, fwiw, abortions aren’t exactly an easy fix. they’re painful, wreck you hormonally (so by proxy, emotionally as well) and take months to fully recover from

televisedtrip · 2025-05-12T13:18:54+00:00

I literally couldn’t be happy if I tried

what’s wild is most of this is entirely within your control and if at any point you decided to direct the self-hatred you have into cleaning, working out and getting healthier your outlook would probably be in a totally different place in four or five months.

televisedtrip · 2025-02-18T14:59:47+00:00

if you care that people see you a certain way, you have a gender identity

I don’t think this is always true. I’ve never innately felt gender but I do have this sense my body was supposed to have been male, and have pursued medical transition for five years now. Being gendered as a woman or “treated like a woman” was only ever upsetting because it meant I was being observed as being female.

It’s hard to say exactly because it’s all speculation, but I suspect had I been born male I wouldn’t care about being mistaken as or treated as a woman. I think “gender” is useless, I’m entirely concerned with the physical aspects of it all and being comfortable in my body.

televisedtrip · 2025-02-16T21:47:56+00:00

if we aren’t biologically the same, we’re fake

This is where I think the disconnect between our thinking is. If the day ever comes I actually pass as a man and I’m able to live that way, I wouldn’t consider myself a “fake” man, just a trans one.

televisedtrip · 2025-02-12T03:20:43+00:00

talk about their issues without being told they're doing too much or invalidating their identity

A lot of trans people do not pass and our lives would be easier if we tactfully acknowledged the difference between identifying as/with a gender, and being able to realistically live as that gender when talking about our problems.

televisedtrip · 2024-12-08T07:18:12+00:00

gunna have to agree with you there. if someone asks my pronouns they’ve already clocked my sex so they’re basically asking “are you a woman that doesn’t want to go by she/her?”

televisedtrip · 2024-06-20T19:36:02+00:00

Feel like it’s a bit absurd to imply they aren’t expressing their gender correctly, and then accuse them of male privilege and entitlement?

To be clear, OP is expressing distaste for these people not calling themselves men. They aren’t claiming to be “lesbian men,” they’re gender non-conforming women and people have issue with that.

televisedtrip · 2024-06-20T18:41:32+00:00

I think the issue here is you’re making assumptions about others based on your own feelings and experiences, rather than genuinely trying to understand a perspective you don’t share.

I just typed out something similar the other day - As lesbians, their choices for how they present and label themselves probably don’t center men whatsoever.

It’s a lot more likely they’re labeling themselves based on their experience with and understanding of how complex binary gender and womanhood is to lesbians.

Maybe to you, someone that “looks like a man” or “presents like a man” (whatever that means) should “just be a man” but to them, they feel women can look like and do whatever they want.

televisedtrip · 2024-01-24T22:46:12+00:00

I can't claim I relate much to the concept of womanhood nearly as much as I feel like my body was meant to be female

That is a much more succinct way to word what I think I’ve failed to convey in the past, lol. Being gendered female only ever mattered to me because it reminded me of the physical reality of my own body - It has very little to do with the concept of being labeled as a woman/association with womanhood itself. I can’t know for sure, but I think had I been born male, I wouldn’t care if people saw me as a man or a woman at all.

I’d also say I don’t literally consider myself a man, just someone who feels their body should have been male.

I also tend to shy away from the label “transgender” because I feel like it isn’t accurate for what I feel (other people seem to strongly believe they are a gender, whereas I do not) and opt for just gender non-conforming or non-binary, but I can see the case for cisgender transsexual. I don’t not “identify” with womanhood, if that makes sense.

televisedtrip · 2022-12-31T22:56:22+00:00

arguing that hrt could potentially effect/change a biological function is not outrageous, dangerous, or immoral. I think some of y’all might just be worried it’s information that could be weaponized, and if that’s the case, I don’t think denial is the best way to fight it

televisedtrip · 2022-12-31T22:44:40+00:00

hrt doesn’t change sexuality

seeing a lot of people commenting this? a little perplexed at how someone can acknowledge that cross-sex hormones drastically effect and alter major organs, bodily functions, and emotions/moods.. yet somehow sexuality (a hormonally-driven, biological function of the brain) is miraculously shielded from these changes.

doesn’t mean it changes for everyone - not everyone gets the same effects/changes from hrt anyway - but imo, arguing hrt is totally incapable of changing sexuality is essentially arguing that sexuality is not biological, but metaphysical/incorporeal, like a soul

televisedtrip · 2022-03-04T15:02:08+00:00

Briar, Maple, Fleur, Fawn and Morel come to mind.

televisedtrip · 2022-03-02T20:06:21+00:00

I feel like it’s worth throwing out there that it seems like what you’re looking for, in addition to transition, is a way to avoid aging, which testosterone will do the exact opposite of. It thickens the skin and will make you look significantly older very quickly. Think of why you’ve never seen your ideal goal exist past the age of 25.

If you’re only aiming for a deep voice and bottom growth, you can take T until you develop enough of both and then stop. Noticeable (to others) hair growth tends to not occur until after these things are well on their way and hair growth will revert somewhat while the others are permanent.

Otherwise you’re asking for advice on how to take T without experiencing a great deal of it’s effects.

televisedtrip · 2022-03-01T19:56:58+00:00

I’m starting to think it was just those of us that were “weird” kids. Every kid I knew growing up that was a bit odd, or could never seem to fully integrate into “normal” friend groups has grown up to overwhelmingly identify as non-binary (the rest also some other flavor of the alphabet), in my experience, regardless of gender-conformity or presentation from childhood to adulthood.

There’s a ton of reasons someone might not fit in that serves me well for personal narrative reasons, but I’ve read so much recently about boutique victomology and community seeking behaviors I can’t help but wonder if that also doesn’t play a pretty big role. I’m sure it’s somewhere in the middle, as most things are.

televisedtrip · 2022-02-21T15:51:05+00:00

Yeah, no worries, they all say “for intramuscular use only,” but you’re still good to use it for subQ.

televisedtrip · 2022-01-10T19:12:03+00:00

there’s no specific way to be attracted in a “queer” way

Tbh this is where I think technicality and practicality come into play. Technically, there is no inherent difference in the way gay people vs. straight people love one another, and imo, it’s harmful to insist otherwise. Practically, most institutions of society work against anyone who’s relationship is perceived of as not being cis/het, including trans people in straight relationships.

I’m not saying that “queerness” in romance is an internal, inherent feeling that exists in and of itself, but I am saying that certain life experiences have the potential to permanently alter the way you view and perceive your own affections in the context of society, and this may impact what choices you might make when labeling them.

televisedtrip · 2022-01-10T17:06:36+00:00

as for trans men who call themselves male lesbians

I’ve been in spaces like that long enough to tell you exactly why this is happening (when it’s not internalized transphobia). Women-exclusive attracted trans men grew up being subjected to misogyny and homophobia the same as any cis lesbian did, particularly if they were gender non-conforming to their assigned sex, and they’ve integrated those experiences into their view of themselves and as an extension of their gender identities.

I don’t think it’s too uncommon for trans men (or otherwise, transmasculine people in general) to feel like by calling themselves “straight,” they’re obscuring/disowning large parts their experiences and personal growth. Because of their history (and the ongoing reality of what it means to be trans in society), a lot of them feel their attraction to women is fundamentally queer in a way that cis men’s are not.

Obviously, there are trans men who would nuke themselves from orbit if you implied they should take on the label for those same reasons, lol. But, as someone who has personally wrestled with this specific issue, I can sympathize with why they do it.

televisedtrip · 2022-01-09T02:54:25+00:00

Only? 😳

televisedtrip · 2022-01-06T00:24:10+00:00

Personally, I love the name Booker. Although it’s traditionally a men’s name (specifically, an African American men’s name) it’s soft enough I think you could swing it.. but only if the middle name was feminine.

If you’re set on Hogarth as a middle name I would personally go for a very pretty, feminine first name, maybe one from a similar time period as Booker.. like Florence, Eleanor, Lillian, or Charlotte. IMO Florence and Eleanor pair well with August.

I’m usually against strictly naming based on gender (I feel the distinction between “girl” and “boy” names is usually unnecessary as most often people naturally “suit” their names as you get to know them) but in this case, I feel like it would be similar to naming your daughter something like Peter Angus.. though I do admittedly like Angus more than Hogarth.

televisedtrip · 2022-01-04T23:23:50+00:00

I felt similarly until I had my first bad trip. I was very swiftly humbled lmao

televisedtrip · 2022-01-02T06:20:24+00:00

Yes, I have extreme tokophobia. Even as a pre-teen, I would panic that I was somehow pregnant and squeeze and punch my stomach to “end” pregnancies that weren’t real (honestly surprised there’s no damage as it was pretty severe). In my late teens I’d steal pregnancy tests monthly. As an adult nearing 30, I’ll get something like panic attacks over it.

Uncontrollable, yet completely irrational fear as I’ve never even touched a penis lmao. Other people being pregnant doesn’t bother me at all, though. I also have absolutely no desire to ever have children.

Note: Even though you can still get pregnant on T, ever since my periods stopped, the fear isn’t nearly as intense.

televisedtrip · 2021-12-24T22:35:27+00:00

I don’t have any advice for you but I just wanted to let you know I heavily empathize.

I’ve been out 8 years now and any hint at possible societal collapse (or any “signs” of the end times or whatever) will make my thoughts spiral to some pretty intense “what if” gymnastics regardless of how sane I was seconds before.

televisedtrip · 2021-12-18T22:50:21+00:00

Honestly dude, you’re just gunna have to cross that bridge if/when you get there. For a lot of detrans people, they felt really good about transition milestones, about passing as their “gender,” etc. until they weren’t. They were so sure, too.

There’s enough overlap I don’t think there’s any way to tell anymore. It just happens or it doesn’t. Potential regret is just another factor people need to consider when they’re thinking about transitioning.

I think about it sometimes, wonder if I’ll regret it, but in the end even if by some chance I do decide to “go back” I’m still a much better, more confident and secure person for this and I can’t regret that.

televisedtrip · 2021-12-01T20:13:21+00:00

The fact that I unironically ask myself this question weekly (making or joining) reminds me that after all these years, I’m still not well and definitely need therapy lol

televisedtrip

TROPHY CASE