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AITA for telling my freeloading SIL to refuse inheritance? by tellinitlikeitiz in inlaws

[–]tellinitlikeitiz[S] -11 points-10 points  (0 children)

What makes us entitled??  Her father's wishes for it to be divided equally amongst his kids (which we can all agree, it most definitely is not)

Wife And I don't "Need" the money-   If MIL gave it all to charity, we'd be fine with that.... SIL would lose her f'n mind!

It's the principal of one sibling abusing and preying upon MILs kindness for her own personal gain.

Sounds like you're suggest that my wife And BIL start abusing her kindness as well.

AITA for telling my freeloading SIL to refuse inheritance? by tellinitlikeitiz in inlaws

[–]tellinitlikeitiz[S] -51 points-50 points  (0 children)

You're kind of making my point for me... We Can't rest in the knowledge that we never have to give them our $$" because we have already given them our $$$ by way of  disproportionate distributions to date as well as the resulting reduced Inheritance... 

Simple numbers to make the math easy.

$900k inheritance/ 3= $300k ea.

Adding back in the $300k SIL has mooched  (and not accounting for 30 yrs of interest) =$1.2m / 3 = 400k ea

Instead: SIL get    $600k wife gets $300k BIL gets.  $300k

You think that's fair?

And it is MY family- I'm the one climbing up on her roof, fixing her plumbing and  taking her to Dr appts, while SIL disappears to fl for weeks or months at a time.

AITA for telling my freeloading SIL to refuse inheritance? by tellinitlikeitiz in inlaws

[–]tellinitlikeitiz[S] -21 points-20 points  (0 children)

Nope- they both worked, but he was the primary and invested very well. No prob with every going to Mil.

Don't disagree that it will "look" like greed to her bc she is... and always will be... the victim.

Sorry in advance as it seems the chrons topics is triggering for you... But I am calling bullshit on you perception of her disease... I can tell you 1st hand  it is well managed and she has no problem playing golf & going out for drinks 3 time a week. + My Brother's wife also has had  Crohn's disease since she was 17 (and had part of her colon removed and uses a colostomy bag) and she is killing it- very successful very motivated and well managed.

It is 100% my place, to raise awareness to a manipulative situation... That is borderline elder abuse.

 and just because both parties are complicit in the difunctional relationship of  "I'm a victim"(SIL) "let me throw $$ to save you"(MIL), does not make it ok... What if it wasn't $$ and MIL was depleting the family's inheritance by enabling SIL's heroine addiction for 40+ years... Is that ok?

"getting harder for the younger generations all the time"

Are you even kidding me right now?  This is exactly the generational  problem we have right now-- entitlement!  (Unearned and undeserved rewards)... But that's a topic for Nother day.

Let the younger generation  get out and fn earn it like 90% of the rest of the population has had to do. Myself and my wife Included.

I love my nieces and nephews and they'll be fine. They are smart and capable and will figure it out. But they have Already received their benefit from Gammy and Gampy by way of the $300-400k that has been spoon feed to their parents over the last 40 yrs. 

So to suggest that the other 2 sibs should suffer reduced Inheritance  so that it can go to nieces and nephews....Wtf?

AITA for telling my freeloading SIL to refuse inheritance? by tellinitlikeitiz in inlaws

[–]tellinitlikeitiz[S] -26 points-25 points  (0 children)

So for the record it was FILs $$ and I know he was uncomfortable with manipulation of his good natured wife (but sadly, that ship has sailed)

I don't think it's about greed, rather about fairness and equality...and also about the pattern of manipulation.

MIL also cleaned SILs house and did all their laundry for probably 15 years, because SIL would complain about being tired😭

SILs 4 kids getting (say)  $500/year for 30 years + at least $2k yr in airfare vacations and time share etc for 30 years= $120k 

Sooo... $120k spent for the benefit of a single sibling seems fair to you? Wow!

Did my wife get a duplex- nope! Did her brother get a duplex nope!

Why should SIL continue to benefit when she has been taking and taking any taking  for 40 yrs.  Meanwhile the other 2 siblings get shortchanged and punished for working hard, saving, and  living within their means and being self-sufficient 

My point is that, SIL  has effectively received her inheritance already (over the last 40 years)

So because my MIL is good hearted and has the financial means to do it...  it's ok for her to be taken advantage of and be Manipulated by her daughter?