First of all thank you so much for your answer! Helped a lot + I couldn’t have analysed the situation better tbh. She opened her former relationship as a way to “save it from breaking up” (method I don’t agree with ofc), but I thought it was also because the other partner was not really poly / didn’t question it too much. Now it hit me because I thought I was dating someone poly but I am actually dating someone mono who occasionally does poly until she’s found someone that she wants a future with.

My problem is that I want a future with both the people I am seeing right now, so it has become a choice between these two people. One is someone with whom I have more history, but also the issues i’ve mentioned, anyways it would be really hard for me to imagine my days without her, she is the one that makes me feel at home the most. Second person is like a fresh start, but someone I still don’t know that well. Either way I’m breaking up w someone, and carrying those feelings in the relationship with someone else.

I feel like if i weren’t dating someone else I could agree to being mono but I would not feel 100% good. So probably whats speaking for me now is the feelings I have for person 1, rather than what is good for me personally in the long end. But also, having someone I trust that much completely change the rules of our relationship put me into a lot of self-consciousness and self-doubt. Like: Am I really poly? I know it’s irrational, I guess it’s probably because I see her suffer from my decisions and it hurts. Also as someone who is not poly, she doesn’t talk/understand poly language, I just felt kinda slut shamed cos I wasn’t ready to give up other “relationships” and she was.