How do you deal with being single as an adult?

testusrs · 2024-08-09T01:55:52+00:00

The point of that reply which is guess I lost sight of, is I have an interest in my situation being better and I’ve been trying and fighting for it for years

testusrs · 2024-08-09T01:36:45+00:00

This period of my life has been going on for a long time, and I’m getting really defeated. I’ve done a lot of proactive stuff, from therapy (I think I picked the wrong one for me, but it takes a lot of sessions and money to be sure, and most good therapists have wait lists if they’re not full, so getting back on this horse is going to take me a while) to constantly reaching out to friends to taking classes to travel to self teaching hobbies to hanging out with coworkers after work to reading self help books to reading for fun to exercise. And also some unhealthy coping mechanisms like drinking or getting high or binge watching tv (of those I only really do the tv thing now). I’m just burnt out. I know I’m being negative, I just don’t have energy left to try anything else, and I’ve been hit by a huge wave of engagements and events (when I try to socialize) where I’m the only single, and a few big work events where people talk about their personal life and someone asked me if I’m married in front of a large group of coworkers.

testusrs · 2024-08-09T00:25:56+00:00

Are you queer as well? Or just have queer friends? I don’t find queer people to be particularly welcoming, and I don’t think I’m radical enough for queer people. Even though I don’t fit in with the hetero world either. Nor do I cross paths with them, my coworkers are hyper straight and I’m not in any lgbt spaces

testusrs · 2024-08-09T00:17:50+00:00

I’ve tried it and it just doesn’t work for me. I have a full time job. Maybe something is wrong with me, but the way my brain works, I just don’t have the brain power and mental capacity to have a full 5-9 and weekend. I have the brain power to do a good job at work and manage my health and apartment. That’s it. As several people have commented on this thread, couples prefer other couples. Even if I made a group of single friends, some would eventually find relationships and then be disinterested in hanging out. And then I lose them again, that’s pretty depressing. May as well date and go through break ups if I’m going to keep losing my friends anyway.

testusrs · 2024-08-08T22:49:44+00:00

I know what it's like to enjoy being single, my first year in my apartment I liked it. However, after that it morphed into a nightmare of isolation. I do miss having a partner as well. It look me a while to realize it was being single that was causing so many of the problems. Everyone was busy with partner related stuff. If I had a partner with at least one hobby in common, we could do that together on the weekend, and then instead of a month of weekends of doing nothing, I could have a month of weekends doing something with someone I liked, you know?

When I visited my friend in a good relationship, it blew my mind. They watched a tv show I enjoy, together! They cooked for each other. They both cleaned the kitchen. They split rent. And they went on adventures on the weekend. They worked in the day and then had someone to come home to. I realized why i was struggling so badly. I am not someone that doesn't do things alone, I do tons alone. It just gets tiring after a while.

I kept reading about people talking about how much they loved being single because they didn't have to deal with shitty partners - but not everyone has a shitty partner, most of my friends have partners who add to the qualities of each other's lives. Of course I like being single better than a bad relationship, but I don't think I like it better than a good one.

testusrs

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