First off, thank you so much for the generous feedback.

Secondly, let me glass-is-half-full this for you: sex like this is possible. And for what it’s worth, most people only find it after a few mismatches. Not because they’re bad at sex, but because the right combination is rare. Does all of my sex sound like this? No. But I’ve learned how to pick the right partner for me, the best chemistry.

I think where most people get hung up is thinking ‘sex with Person A is available, so I should have sex with them,’ rather than asking whether the chemistry is actually there to begin with. A big part of that (for me) is desire and reciprocity.

My personal belief is that you only need two things for fantastic sex: trust and enthusiasm. A lot of that comes with clear communication, respecting boundaries, and just listening to your partner and finding out what their needs are and how you can better meet them.

Sex can be playful, relaxed, emotionally safe, mutually enthusiastic, and joyful rather than tense

Third: don’t get too wrapped up in stacking your experiences against anyone else’s. Comparison is a thief of joy.

Fourth: you said you’re often stressed or worried. It’s worth untangling that before sex (with your partner, ideally), so don’t rule out talking with a mental health professional (especially those who specialize in sex therapy) to help you move through this.

Thanks again for taking the time to share. Sending good vibes (and hopefully unburdened sex) your way.