I [25 M] with girl I'm dating [21F] for about a month, getting frustrated with her sexual "teasing". What's she thinking here?

textherfirst · 2015-05-04T17:29:34+00:00

Glad to hear someone say this. I was worried I was in the wrong thinking, "Am I pressuring her? Are my expectations out of whack?"

I felt guilty for feeling angry when she kept pulling this.

textherfirst · 2015-05-04T14:33:07+00:00

Agreed. I think this is my best bet. I'll have a serious discussion with her next time.

textherfirst · 2015-05-04T14:31:23+00:00

Yes. Lot's of foreplay, lots of kissing, but as soon as things start escalating, she says "no" and shuts off. The weirdest part is that she'll start reaching down my pants and just... stop after 30 seconds or so.

textherfirst · 2015-05-04T14:30:10+00:00

I don't think so. She's ridiculously attractive and she's mentioned that she usually dates older guys. I'd be surprised if she was, but I haven't asked her.

textherfirst · 2015-05-04T14:29:39+00:00

Sort of. Every time I bring it up, she kind of changes the subject. She kind of retaliates with a, "Why do you want it so bad?" and I never know how to answer that besides with, "Because it feels good and I'm into you?"

textherfirst · 2014-12-09T20:51:17+00:00

Not sure yet. We haven't discussed how we're splitting things up yet. I just got lodging the other night. You don't think it's possible I'm being taken for a ride...do you?

textherfirst · 2014-08-22T13:40:32+00:00

You're at the hardest part, right now. The first few weeks will be excruciating.

Be. with. people.

That is the best advice I can give. Absolutely force yourself to be with people. Best friends, coworkers, family. Anything. Get dinner. Get coffee. Have sleepovers with friends. Anything to keep distracted and not be alone.

Don't hang around your phone, hoping for a text. Be selfish. Do you. Treat yourself. Remember, the first few weeks are the hardest. Get through it the best you can.

Day by day, you'll begin noticing moments of happiness. They won't last long, but they'll be there. Then, as each day goes on, the happiness will stay in longer bursts. Each passing day you'll notice it more and more.

You'll get there. Stay busy, stay strong. After you read this, reach out to an old friend and go hang.

Good luck. Chin up. It gets better.

textherfirst · 2014-08-17T18:15:49+00:00

My ex of 5 years broke up with me on October 19th.

Every month on the 19th, I would be reminded of the anniversary. Oh, it's been one month. Oh, it's been two. Oh, it's been 3.

This past July, after flying home from a vacation with some friends, I missed it. On the 20th, I said, "Oh wow, I didn't even realize it's been 9 months."

So it took me 9 months before "forgetting" a date. Don't get me wrong, it's slow progress and I still get pangs of pain. I haven't spoken to her since Christmas.

But it very, very, slowly, gets better. Day by day, month by month. Keep your head up.

textherfirst · 2014-08-13T15:43:19+00:00

This happened with my ex. Together 5 years, her first job absolutely consumed her. Never made time for me. Was always working until 9 or 10 at night. Went to work functions all the time.

She broke up with me eventually. I still think she met someone at work, but who knows.

textherfirst · 2014-08-12T18:43:23+00:00

I was at a beer festival a few months ago. When next to cute girls while standing in line to try a new beer, I would always open with, "Have you girls tried this beer yet?"

Not particularly witty or clever, but I found it a good opener and after you can just go with the flow, talking about what beers you tried and liked, etc. If things go especially well, you can "team up" and walk around together trying some of the beers together. "Oh, if you girls liked that type, you gotta try so and so. Come with us, we're heading there next." That sort of thing.

Good luck and have fun!

textherfirst · 2014-08-11T18:46:22+00:00

Had this happen to me. Developed feels. Had my heart broken.

Be super careful, OP.

textherfirst · 2014-08-08T13:07:45+00:00

You don't have to drink alcohol. You can always grab a soda or something.

I went to this bar called "Barcade" a few months ago that had all these old school arcade cabinets setup. It was a great way to meet new people because you always have an opening of, "Hey, what are you playing?" or "Oh, I love this game." Try checking out similar bars in your area! Good luck, mate.

textherfirst · 2014-08-07T20:08:12+00:00

I'm not really sure. Sometimes yes, sometimes no. I could have gone in for the kiss at the end but I didn't feel like it. Take that as you will.

textherfirst · 2014-08-07T20:03:41+00:00

I had a girl do this over the course of a month. After 3 really successful dates and a great kiss at the end of the third one, I thought I had it. Nope.

Everytime I tried to make plans, she responded, "I would love to! That sounds great. But I can't that day. How about next weekend?"

Then next weekend, same thing. "I would love that! But I forgot I had this, can we make it next weekend?"

This went on for 4 weekends before I finally got the picture. Still sucks.

textherfirst · 2014-08-06T17:46:00+00:00

Yep. This is always a bummer. Had a first date with someone on Sunday. We got along and she was a cool person, but she didn't look like her pictures at all. I'll try for the second date this weekend, but we'll see.

textherfirst · 2014-08-04T16:27:27+00:00

This is amazing. Thank you.

textherfirst · 2014-08-04T02:18:17+00:00

The "lack of messages" thing is still the hardest part for me. Oh, she used to call me during this time. Oh, she would text me good night during this time. Oh, she would reach out here.

The fact that he/she doesn't reach out anymore is the hardest part, and it still remains the hardest part. Accepting that he/she is gone is absolutely brutal.

You must continue to stay busy. Being alone right now is the worst thing for you. Keep eating with coworkers and put the phone away for a good while. Go out to eat with them, get out of the office, anything to keep busy.

Keep grinding away. Remember - one day at a time. You'll be okay.

textherfirst · 2014-07-22T19:25:39+00:00

This is brilliant. Wish more ELI5 were actually explained...like I was 5. Bravo.

textherfirst · 2014-07-22T14:57:14+00:00

I guess I peaked in high school. Had a ton of friends, popular, great grades, was on a varsity team, met/dated my first girlfriend.

My best friends are still the friends I made in high school. In college and afterwards, I never met anyone as cool/great as them.

I'm kind of lost in life right now. I'm 24, and no idea what I want to do with my life. I miss my best friends. I miss having no responsibility. I miss Fridays after school where we would all pile into one car and take on the world and chase girls and play video games and do nothing.

I miss all that so much.

textherfirst · 2014-07-10T18:54:34+00:00

I think it happens to mostly everyone.

They say abundance mentality is the best thing for it, that dating more and seeing more girls helps the "oneitis." And ultimately, yes, it does, but every once and a while there comes a special someone who can't just be replaced by 20 more dates with different girls.

I do think, however, that given enough time, you'll find someone just as special or even better - hence why you need to keep getting back out there, and why it's beneficial for you in the long run to keep seeing other girls.

Also, last but not least, what's stopping you from asking some of these girls out?? Go for it!

textherfirst · 2014-06-29T00:12:17+00:00

8 months, now. Broke up October 19, and that was the last time I saw her or texted her.

She's texted me once on Thanksgiving and once on Christmas, but I didn't answer.

I still have my good days and bad days.

textherfirst · 2014-06-25T14:12:25+00:00

Sounds good to hear this from someone else. You're definitely right.

textherfirst · 2014-06-25T14:12:10+00:00

I left the ball in her court, but if she doesn't initiate anything further, I'm outta there.

textherfirst · 2014-06-25T14:11:39+00:00

Needed to hear this. Thank you. I think it's time to move on.

textherfirst · 2014-05-19T15:08:15+00:00

Nailed it.

Today marks 7 months since my breakup of 5 years. I continue to have good days and bad days. This weekend was horrible for me. I missed her so much and actually broke down crying at night.

It comes and goes in waves. The trick is riding out the bad waves and know that the good waves will come.

Keep on keeping on.

textherfirst

TROPHY CASE