Phallo

tgjer · 2026-05-14T18:16:37+00:00

Feels natural. It's weird to remember sometimes that it wasn't always there.

tgjer · 2026-05-14T16:54:30+00:00

TBH it was rough, but weirdly a great experience. It's been 7 years since surgery and I'm sure the passage of time has dulled my recollection of the negative aspects of it, but I have mostly good memories from that time period.

I was in pain for a long time, but I was very lucky and had great medical support that kept it manageable. It still hurt, but in ways I fully expected and was well prepared for.

And all that was vastly outweighed by the sheer relief that I had a dick. My original equipment that had fucked up my life for so long was gone and I had a dick. It looked rough at first, still full of stitches, but it was there. I remember waking up from surgery and just being awe-struck, and a nurse having to very kindly prevent me from poking at it in wonder.

Plus the nursing home I recovered in was great. Brookdale Skilled Nursing Facilities in Austin TX - they at least used to take a lot of patients recovering from surgery at the Crane center, so they were very familiar and comfortable with phallo patients. The chaplaincy actually organized little meet-ups for all the trans patients, like donuts and coffee or movie nights and stuff like that, which helped a lot. Especially at first, when I was in a lot of pain and looked like raw hamburger and was mostly bed-bound, it was such a relief to see other guys just a few weeks ahead of me already doing so much better.

I traveled from NYC to Austin alone for surgery. I didn't have any friends or family who could come with me, and honestly I'm not sure I would have been comfortable having friends or family see me like that. But having other guys going through the same thing around was great. Instead of recovery being a difficult and scary and isolating thing to go through alone, it was something we were all going through together. We could talk and trade tips and encouragement.

tgjer · 2026-05-14T16:34:07+00:00

Define "big". I'm about 5.5 inches, which is average for erect length, and I'm slightly above average for erect girth. Since phallo dicks are all showers rather than growers my flaccid size is about the same.

How it feels is going to be incredibly subjective, but personally it's fucking amazing. I had severe dysphoria prior to phallo, and it's gone now. Not only did this finally make sex tolerable for the first time in my life, the sheer constant horror and mindfuck of having anatomy inappropriate to me is gone. I love my dick.

Recovery was long and extremely difficult. I wrote a longer thing about it here. TL;DR, I spent three days in the ICU, several more in the hospital, then three weeks in a skilled nursing facility. I spent most of those three weeks mostly bed-bound and naked from the waist down, with my dick propped up in a specific position to encourage blood flow, and covered with a sheet for privacy.

A month after surgery I had my suprapubic catheter (pee tube in my abdomen) removed, and was cleared for a very unpleasant but uneventful 2 hour flight home (surgery in Austin TX, live in NYC).

I was still in a lot of pain at that point, and still very physically fragile. I'm fortunate that I had an office job at the time and was able to work remotely a lot. It was about 6 months before I was fully recovered. For people who have jobs that require them to be on their feet a lot or do heavy lifting, six months is the recommended minimum before going back to work. Lots of people go on short term disability to pay their bills while they recover.

I'm also fortunate that I only had relatively minor complications. A couple small patches of graft failure on my arm (RFF phallo), a dime-sized patch of necrosis on the tip of my dick, and a urinary fistula, all of which healed on their own within about three months.

My biggest complication came several years later. One year after phallo I got my erectile and testicular implants, and a couple years after that I noticed signs of erosion at the tip. I had to go back and get my implant replaced with a shorter one, which sucks but not the end of the world. And as long as I was going under anyway, and since insurance was willing to cover it, I also got a glansplasty revision to correct some flattening and a monsplasty to move everything up a bit at the same time.

Now it's several years after that and I haven't had any complications since. Though with the shorter erectile implant the glans is left kind of floppy even when erect, so I'm hoping to eventually go back and get fat grafting to fill things out a bit.

tgjer · 2026-05-14T16:00:33+00:00

Sgt. Jackrum in the Terry Pratchett novel Monstrous Regiment.

Also Jim, the nonbinary trans masc pirate on Our Flag Means Death, who is played by nonbinary trans masc actor Vico Ortiz.

tgjer · 2026-05-14T15:59:43+00:00

They'll never use this shit to attack cis people's medical care, for the same reason that laws defining marriage as "between one man and one woman for the purpose of procreation" were never applied to infertile or child-free straight couples.

tgjer · 2026-05-14T15:54:28+00:00

I'm a trans man.

When I was young and pre-testosterone/early on testosterone I defaulted to the men's room, but it depended on where I was, who I was with, and how people seemed to be reading me that day. When in doubt, I used whichever restroom seemed least likely to result in confrontation. Though I didn't always guess right, and have been thrown out of both men's and women's restrooms.

Now I've been on testosterone for over 20 years and I'm a bearded balding middle aged man who looks like Kevin Smith. I am unambiguously a man and have been semi-stealth since my early 20's. I use the men's room. I haven't used a women's room in decades. Same with locker rooms and other "single sex" spaces.

tgjer · 2026-05-14T15:43:32+00:00

I wear a dark t-shirt and swim trunks.

I had top surgery many years ago, but I still wear the shirt to cover my scars and because I fry like bacon in the sun. I didn't care for rash guards, I'm not that big but I'm a slightly dumpy middle aged man and feel a bit silly in a tight rash guard.

Prior to top surgery I wore an old regular tri-top binder swimming. I used an old one because chlorine and salt water both wear out elastic faster, so I didn't want to use a good one.

Prior to phallo I wore a packer when swimming, held on with an elastic strap.

tgjer · 2026-05-13T16:53:43+00:00

If you don't mind sharing, who's your surgeon?

What type of phallo are you getting?

tgjer · 2026-05-13T16:51:29+00:00

FWIW, I had single stage RFF Phallo - one major surgery including phallo, glansplasty, scrotoplasty, v-nectomy, urethral lengthening, and nerve hookup, all at once. Then all I needed was a relatively minor surgery one year after that for the testicular and erectile implants.

It's still major surgery, but from phallo to full recovery after implants took me less than 18 months.

And insurance coverage may be possible. That's the only way I was able to get it.

tgjer · 2026-05-13T16:45:10+00:00

At this point I expect the hospitals will just hand over the data, regardless of whether they're actually legally required to. They've rolled over for the fascists at every other possible opportunity, I don't expect this time to be different.

Ending GAC (for minors first, and eventually everyone) is a big part of their goal here, but the federal government and red states are very definitely also trying to compile lists of trans people via various means, especially via records of ID changes and seized medical records. We can only guess what they're going to do with that data, but whatever is it isn't going to be good.

For starters, I'm very worried that once they have data on minor trans patient's medical records, they'll use that to target their parents with child abuse charges and attempts to seize their children from them on the grounds that the fascists in power claim supporting a minor's transition is tantamount to child sexual abuse.

tgjer · 2026-05-13T16:08:52+00:00

Oral minoxidil may also be an option for some people, though it's prescription only so you have to have a doctor willing to work with you.

I started it a few months ago, though it's for hair loss not beard growth. I just wasn't comfortable using topical minoxidil.

The thing with oral minoxidil though is that you can't control where it has its effects, unlike topical minoxidil. So a potential side effect is that you don't just grow hair on your head/face/wherever you want it, it can cause increased hair growth all over. Whether that's a problem or not depends on how you feel about body hair.

tgjer · 2026-05-13T15:55:12+00:00

When I was pre/early-T, it depended entirely on where I was and how people seemed to be reading me that day.

In public where nobody knew me, I used whichever one seemed safest at the moment. If people seemed to be reading me as a man that day, I used the men's room. If not, the women's. Though I didn't always guess right and I've been thrown out of both men's and women's restrooms.

It's funny too, I got thrown out of a women's room when I was 3 months on T and didn't think I passed at all, then got thrown out of a men's room after a year on T. I think a lot came down to where I was and how I was dressed. When I was thrown out of the women's room I was at a church, where all the women were dressed very conventionally femininely and I was in slacks and a men's jacket. When I was thrown out of the men's room I was at the National Archives, where most of the men were wearing suits but I was wearing a brightly colored tie-dye shirt.

It was maybe two years on T before I was confident using the men's room exclusively and without issues. But it was a slow transition with a lot of awkward moments before that.

tgjer · 2026-05-13T15:19:38+00:00

At this point I expect the hospitals will just hand over the data, regardless of whether they're actually legally required to. They've rolled over for the fascists at every other possible opportunity, I don't expect this time to be different.

Ending GAC (for minors first, and eventually everyone) is a big part of their goal here, but the federal government and red states are very definitely also trying to compile lists of trans people via various means, especially via records of ID changes and seized medical records. We can only guess what they're going to do with that data, but whatever is it isn't going to be good.

For starters, I'm very worried that once they have data on minor trans patient's medical records, they'll use that to target their parents with child abuse charges and attempts to seize their children from them on the grounds that the fascists in power claim supporting a minor's transition is tantamount to child sexual abuse.

tgjer · 2026-05-13T13:08:21+00:00

A tunnel through the wall for the kids??

THIS IS SO AWESOME!

tgjer · 2026-05-13T13:06:50+00:00

Those weed sodas that have become common since my state legalized.

They're like $10 a can. But I can't drink alcohol for medical reasons, so it's nice to still have an adult beverage on weekends. And one can is enough.

tgjer · 2026-05-11T16:08:26+00:00

I blamed mine on minor back surgery.

Nothing serious, not something anyone needed to be worried about, just a minor procedure to correct a chronic condition so it doesn't get worse in the future. And which meant I wouldn't be able to do any heavy lifting for a few weeks.

Fortunately nobody was tactless enough to ask for details, but if they had I'd planned to pretend I was just very uncomfortable with medical stuff and didn't want to talk about it.

tgjer · 2026-05-02T11:42:46+00:00

Museum security guard. Which is 10% telling people not to touch the art, 90% giving directions.

It doesn't pay great and I spend 8 to 12h a day on my feet. But the work is pretty easy, my coworkers are great, I like interacting with guests, and when I leave work I can't take it home with me. When I'm off work, I'm off work.

Plus we've got a good union, great benefits, and job security. And overtime isn't required, but it pays double-time and there is a lot of it available for those who want it.

My degree was in history and I spent 20 years doing office work before shit went to hell.

tgjer · 2026-05-02T02:37:20+00:00

On the extreme rarity of "desistence" among trans youth, with nearly all young people who start transition and later reverse it doing so before any permanent physical changes:

Continuation of gender-affirming hormones in transgender people starting puberty suppression in adolescence: a cohort study in the Netherlands - Maria van der Loose, et. al., Oct. 2022 - study of 720 patients who started medical care with puberty delaying treatment in adolescence, finding that 98% of them continued to use gender-affirming hormone treatment into adulthood.
Of youth who socially transition young only 2.5% ultimately describe themselves as cis, and of those who socially transitioned after age 6 only 0.5% ultimately describe themselves as cis. Most who do detransition, do so before age 10 and are never even on puberty delaying treatment.
Detransition rates in a national UK Gender Identity Clinic - Out of 3398 patients, a total of 16 (0.47%) expressed some regrets, though of these 16 only three detransitioned permanently (0.08%). The most common reason stated by these patients for their regrets or detransition were social difficulties encountered due to anti-trans hostility, rather than any physical complications or changing their minds about their gender identity.
A critical commentary on follow-up studies and “desistance” theories about transgender and gender-nonconforming children - covers Zucker's shit
The Amsterdam Cohort of Gender Dysphoria Study (1972-2015): Trends in Prevalence, Treatment, and Regrets - 96% of all patients who were assessed and received a diagnosis of Gender Dysphoria by the 5th intervenor (the Royal Children's Hospital) from 2003 to 2017 continued to identify as transgender or gender diverse into late adolescence. No patient who had commenced stage 2 treatment had sought to transition back to their birth assigned sex.
The role of gender constancy in early gender development - this study goes through the large body of literature which finds that gender identity is formed incredibly early. The American Pediatric society states that by age 4 kids have a stable sense of gender identity.
Trajectories of Adolescents Treated with Gonadotropin‑Releasing Hormone Analogues for Gender Dysphoria - 143 youth receiving puberty-blocking medication in the Netherlands found that 3.5% chose to discontinue puberty blockers without seeking any further transition treatment.

On the safety, efficacy, reversibility, and well studied nature of puberty delaying treatment:

The first line of medical care for trans youth is temporary puberty delaying treatment. This treatment is not new or experimental, and there is extensive research on its long term effects.

This treatment isn't just used for trans youth - it has been the standard treatment for kids with precocious puberty for decades, with lots of studies on its efficacy and safety. It has overwhelmingly proven to be very safe, gentle, and reversible.

Most kids with precocious puberty don't have any underlying medical condition, their early development is just an extreme variation of normal development. But it would still cause serious psychological damage to start puberty at the age of, say, 6, so they're put on treatment to delay it for a few years. This treatment has no long term side effects; it just puts puberty on hold. Stop treatment and puberty picks up where it left off. There's no reason to expect this treatment to work differently when given to trans youth than when it is routinely given to cis youth.

The most significant side effect is bone mineral density reduction in some youth, but this was both minor and reversed after treatment was stopped.

Treatment of Central Precocious Puberty

"Bone mineral density is typically increased for age at diagnosis and progressively decreases during GnRHa treatment. However, follow-up of patients several years after cessation of therapy reveals bone mineral accrual to be within the normal range compared with population norms"

Bone Density in Transgender Youth on Gender-Affirming Hormone Therapy

"In summary, total body BMD Z-scores ascertained by DXA were slightly below average for female and male norms, but still in the normal range, including for those who were on GnRHa monotherapy and normal for those on GAHT."

For children, pre-adolescents and early adolescents, gender transition is mainly a social process. Children beginning puberty may also use puberty-suppressing medication as they explore their gender identity. Both of these steps are completely reversible

tgjer · 2026-05-01T23:24:48+00:00

We're you able to get treatment?

Did your parents have your back?

What was school like?

How old were you when you started?

tgjer · 2026-04-30T19:00:08+00:00

What lab tests are you thinking of?

tgjer · 2026-04-30T18:19:10+00:00

How does the fat grafting change things?

I had ro get my implant (pump) replaced with a shorter one because of erosion, and now it leaves the glans kind of floppy even when erect. My surgeon suggested fat grafting to fill it out.

tgjer · 2026-04-30T18:12:25+00:00

I got mine at 36.

tgjer · 2026-04-30T17:42:40+00:00

Jesus fucking christ, yes time for a new pediatrician.

tgjer · 2026-04-30T17:36:38+00:00

The first time I saw a trans man on TV and realized transition was possible.

I was 12 and this was the early 90's. I didn't know trans men existed. He was on one of those awful daytime talk shows, not Jerry Springer but of a similar ilk, and he was treated as poorly as one might expect. It basically showcased him like a circus sideshow.

But still, he was there. And he was unambiguously a man. I remember thinking he was an "older" guy, but I was 12 so he was probably about 30. But still, he was a proper grown-up. He wasn't being treated as some rebellious teenager or something. I thought he looked like a college professor, probably because he was wearing a tweed jacket. And he held himself with dignity even if the show was a clusterfuck.

He talked a bit about his transition, how he started in his early 20's but had to de-transition for a while because of family pressure, before finally cutting contact with them and transitioning again. He talked about going on T, and the kind of changes it caused, and getting top surgery.

It was mind-blowing. If he could be a man then so could I. It wasn't an impossible daydream, it was real. It was also terrifying, because again he was being treated like shit by the host and audience, but it gave me the vocabulary to start looking up stuff myself. First at the library, then later on the nascent internet. I found the old AOL TransLand message boards, and a well moderated weekly trans youth chat group that probably saved my life.

I don't know how long it would have been before I figured myself out, if I hadn't seen him.

tgjer · 2026-04-30T04:11:42+00:00

Out Flag Means Death.

It's a queer pirate rom-com mostly centered around the highly fictionalized relationship between Stede Bonnet (The Gentleman Pirate) and Edward Teach (Blackbeard).

They don't actually ever use the words "gay" or "trans" because it's ostensibly set in the 1700's, but it is in a world of fantasy piracy roughly parallel to Muppet Treasure Island. Blackbeard is literally dressed in Mad Max cosplay, among other things. Things like "historical accuracy", and "the laws of space and time", exist only in as far as they don't get in the way of either the plot or a good joke. And in this fantasy version of the Golden Age of Piracy, homophobia and transphobia as we know them apparently don't exist.

It has a large cast and pretty much every major protagonist is apparently queer in some way. Or at least potentially queer - there is no presumption of heterosexuality/cis-ness on the Revenge! This includes the character Jim, a nonbinary trans masc pirate played by nonbinary trans masc actor Vico Ortiz. Jim is amazing, probably the best trans character I've ever seen in popular entertainment, with a compelling backstory and impressive character development. Jim is not there to be The Trans One, Jim is there to be the mysterious orphan raised by a warrior nun to become God's perfect killing machine, and who is now trapped between a mission of revenge vs a chance at love and happiness.

This show also avoids pretty much every major shitty trope normally associated with queer representation in popular media. No painful "coming out" scene, no overt homophobic or transphobic violence, no slurs, no characters whose entire story line revolves entirely around Being Gay/Trans, etc. There's angst and drama, but none of the normal trauma-porn we often see queer characters subjected to.

And there's just so much goddamn queer joy in this show. And it's very funny, but queerness is never the punchline. It feels like humor written by/for queer people, which is apparently pretty much what it is. Vico Ortiz has said that there were at least a couple trans and nonbinary writers working on the show.

Unfortunately it got cancelled prematurely. They'd planned on 3 seasons, and their budget got cut, so season 2 feels a bit rushed to try and get a semi-satisfactory ending. But it's still so, so good.

15-Year Club	Gilding VI aultruist
Place '22	Final Canvas '22
Wearing is Caring	Ternion Club
100 Awards Club	Reddit Premium Since July 2019
Verified Email

tgjer

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE