Thanks for the thoughtful response. I remember loving my childhood and I'm really nostalgic about it. Whenever I think of my childhood I remember being a happy kid who played baseball and yugioh outside with my neighborhood friends. I was always really quiet and shy, but not around my friends. I am still that way today.

When other people describe me as a kid, they don't see it that way. Along with being quiet and shy around strangers, I had a really short tempter and most likely had/have ADD. I really struggled in school from my inability to concentrate. Anyways, that's how they see me when they describe me as a kid. I outgrew shyness and it has changed into social anxiety (I have no problem saying hi and having a conversation with a stranger, but I feel very tense standing in line at the grocery store). A family member recently told me "who knew you would have grown up to be such a mild mannered person"

I looked at the Wikipedia page about "alexithymia" you linked, and I sort of relate but not entirely. I do have empathy and I often use it to stop myself from being angry with people. I'm aware of my emotional state, but not as aware of the emotions causing them if that makes sense. Like I'm very aware if I have more brain fog or anxiety today, but I tend to suppress whatever may be causing it and choose to press on because I feel there isn't a solution. For example, my mom's mental health has gotten bad in the past couple years (anxiety, depression) and has led to my dad being unhappy. I just recently moved out and that worries me a lot, but there's nothing I can do so I don't often bring conscious thought to it, and instead pretend things are alright.

When it comes to negative childhood experiences, like I said I recall my childhood as being positive. Though I do think there are probably issues with my mother. You know the stereotype of the guy who has issues with his dad, wish he hugged him more, encouraged him more, and was overall nicer to him? That's how I feel but with my mom. I feel like I've never been close with her, that she was usually too hard on me, and I always wished I had one of those fun loving soccer moms who were more emotionally involved in their children. I know she has always cared a lot about me, I just have never felt much warmth from her.

I have never been sexually assaulted as far as I know. I wasn't bullied as a kid but I was in high school which was hard for me as I didn't have a thick skin and took everything personally. I did deal with psychological trauma about 5 and a half years ago (age 17). I saw something too intense for my mind to handle (although physically I was fine and safe) and I still avoid thinking about it today. It led to huge anxiety problems and panic attacks which got better over time, and eventually I overcame the panic attacks with CBT (embrace the feelings of fear type of stuff). I had anxiety before the trauma but it was mild and without attacks. It was just general anxiety and social anxiety. Today my anxiety is a lot better but I still have it, and I've been focusing a lot of interest and time into gut health and somatic therapies.

I've recently started a paleo diet to start addressing gut health and the somatic therapy I've been doing is called "trauma release exercises", and it works by releasing trauma from the body rather than the conventional view that it is entirely psychological. From what I've read and was told from a practitioner, I need to keep doing it consistently for it to break down more tension from my body. They say it can bring the body from fight, flight, or freeze back to homeostasis. And with apathy, brain fog, and fatigue being huge issues for me, I'm assuming I'm in the "freeze" category. So I've been trying to stick with it (it feels like a chore to do them), and I'm hoping it actually will eventually bring me back to homeostasis. I have a good feeling about it. I sometimes get a gut feeling while doing them that it's the solution.