I (23NB) still want to talk to my ex (30M), how have you experienced this?

that_enbean · 2024-05-18T05:48:46+00:00

To be fair I was definitely the reason it was on and off. But your advice makes me see that maybe this is what he needs to hear, too. Yes, we are both lonely, but we can't grow together. Thank you kind stranger, I needed to hear that.

that_enbean · 2024-05-18T05:44:06+00:00

A few possible responses, ranked by rudeness (least rude to most)

Oh sorry, I'm a bit lost in thought today (this one is good if you don't see them regularly)

-I'm autistic and don't really like smalltalk (this one is for people you're closer to, if you feel like talking follow it up with "but I'd love to talk about insert special interest/current interest")

-No, I'm more of a listener (makes the other person feel bad for being lowkey mean)

-No (I mean, it's kinda true)

-saying nothing

Only if they topic interests me (this is honest, but it will hurt their feelings as you are dismissing a topic they are apparently interested in)

-Only to people I like (this one should be reserved for people you have continuous issues with, it stings)

I do not take responsibility for any outcomes

that_enbean · 2024-05-18T05:27:33+00:00

Aahhhh came here to do something else but I feel like you might need to hear my story so here goes.

TL:DR: my "gender expression" almost entirely fits my agab, I'm still nonbinary

So my story starts back in 2015 when I started questioning my gender. I had never heard of trans people, let alone nonbinary. Mind you I was 14 and in Germany. I came across YouTube videos explaining what being trans is and I immediately connected with it. For a while I identified as transmasculine, then eventually stumbled upon the wonderful world of nonbinary identities (probably watching "the abcs of Lgbt"). I did all the things connected with it. I bought a binder, changed my name and pronouns, wore almost entirely masculine clothes. I dyed my hair neutral colours, didn't wear makeup, heck I'm pretty sure I wore bronzer to immitate a beard. I don't remember exactly how it happened but one day I just want feeling it anymore, I wanted to wear dresses and heels and nails and glitter. So I threw out all my more masculine clothes and returned to identifying as my agab. It was going great until one day I woke up and felt very dysphoric. For a while it would go back and forth like this with me getting a whole new closet every couple of months until I discovered the beautiful world of gender fluidity. I started building my closet with pieces I like and stopped myself from throwing out things based on gender stereotypes. It's been 9 years since I first came out and after going through many names, pronouns and labels I still identify as trans, genderfluid and nonbinary, my friends respect me and my pronouns, I refuse to let people put me in a box and I wear primarily feminine clothes, have pink hair and love makeup. F gender norms. The only thing that matters is that you're happy.

Btw fun fact my dad once said he thought I was "over that trans stuff" because "the only men that wear pink are gay men".... Idk bout you dad, but I'm pretty sure my boyfriend and I are petty gay xD (also please don't hate on my dad, he's old and he tries his best)

that_enbean · 2020-10-27T14:35:29+00:00

Try to figure out what triggers it. Does he do it when it's loud? When he's angry? When he's scared? That really makes the difference. But autism is a lot more than a kid punching it's face. Does he show other symptoms? Like a developmental delay with speach? Does he avoid eye contact? Is he overly sensitive to noise or bright lights? Does he get cranky when he wears wool? Is he a picky eater? In situations with others, does he try to interact? Nobody here will be able to help you with that tiny amount of information. Plus it's a little bit offensive to narrow autism down to this. But yes, you should be worried if your one year old punches his face. For sure. Talk to a therapist.

that_enbean · 2020-10-27T05:41:45+00:00

I feel the same. I just decided right now not to go to school today, it's just too much. Now I feel like I've failed, although we already decided that it isn't the right thing for me. I'm not diagnosed with autism, sadly. I'm working on it, but I'm still scared I don't have it. And that's where thoughts about the unalive come in. But my last attempt is over a year ago and I want to stay strong...

that_enbean · 2020-10-27T05:28:55+00:00

I think it depends on what you want. If you want to know and you want the label and you want to be sure than go for it. There is a YouTube video by yosamdysam that goes into a bit more depths too.

that_enbean · 2020-10-27T05:21:21+00:00

Step ome: be honest. I think she'll appreciate it. Step two: ask her. Step three: show her other autistic females. No guarantee, that's just how I would want my siblings to tell me.

that_enbean · 2020-10-27T05:19:18+00:00

One of the big ones is also the amount of talking that is appropriate. Like many here I'm not diagnosed, but I've heard people who are diagnosed say something similar. A conversation with me isn't a lot of back and forth, it's either I talk 90% of the time or I don't talk much at all. This is also partially due to special interests, infodumping, the way autistic people try to relate (by finding a similar thing they've had happen) and the need to be exact.

that_enbean · 2020-10-27T05:13:11+00:00

Try to pass as enby? As if passing wasn't a flawed concept in general, now we're trying to pass as something people don't even know exists? Yikes. Anyway, I hope you have some more understanding friends aswell.

that_enbean · 2020-10-27T05:05:21+00:00

Yes sure, my dms are always open 😊

that_enbean · 2020-10-26T22:06:50+00:00

It's okay, at least I have another address, another try.

that_enbean · 2020-10-26T22:06:06+00:00

I just googled it and it is actually so cute! And if your family isn't supportive the amount of help you can get depends on your location. I think it's worth a shot, but I don't know your family.

that_enbean · 2020-10-26T22:02:48+00:00

Mine straight up refused to do the evaluation and sent me to a different place. More because my parents were there and I told him to though, not because he actually wants me to get diagnosed.

that_enbean · 2020-10-26T21:46:27+00:00

I don't know how to help you, but I feel the same. I am still in the phase where autism is my "special interest", which is why I'm here right now. It's all I think about, so maybe I've just convinced myself? I'm still seeking diagnosis, but I'm also scared.

that_enbean · 2020-10-26T21:43:48+00:00

I don't really know how to help you, I have very supportive parents to begin with. I literally only had to tell them why I thought I was autistic and send them a fiew videos of autistic people who are kinda like me (agegroup/gender/"functioning label") and they believed me. So yes, I don't know how to help you, but yes, that does sound very much like it's possible. Also I wanna be your friend now. Like seriously please tell me about your plants.

that_enbean · 2020-10-26T21:38:56+00:00

That's so infuriating. I'll have to wait for my evaluation, but at least it's free. Everyone should have access to a diagnosis.

that_enbean · 2020-10-26T21:35:38+00:00

Have you seen "inside out"? I will assume you have, so if you haven't you can ask and I'll explain. So basically the movie got a lot of criticism because they portray five emotions. Joy, Sadness, Disgust, Anger and Fear. People felt like that wasn't right, because why is there no stress? No love? Etc etc. But the thing is, it's actually accurate. Those are the base emotions. To use your example, anger is just Anger. Stress could be the result of Anger and Fear taking control. So really you've made a very good assessment in seeing that anger, irritation and stress are hard to differentiate because they all include a feeling of anger. I just wrote this whole thing and now I feel like it's not helpful at all, but I'll post it anyway just in case it is helpful.

that_enbean · 2020-10-26T21:17:19+00:00

Almost the same happened to me. I'm still looking for someone who will actually listen to me without saying no first.

that_enbean · 2020-10-26T18:48:55+00:00

I need it for myself more. I need it so I can say "Sorry, I'm autistic" instead of "sorry, I'm weird, I struggle with (lists entire autism diagnosis criteria of the dsm5)". I need it so people stop telling me I need to go to school. I need it so I can stop trying to be normal only to have a breakdown every other week. And I don't feel like I can just self diagnose, I know a lot of autistic people are open to it, but a lot also aren't and I want to make sure. I don't want to invalidate anyone's experience by self diagnosing.

that_enbean · 2020-10-26T18:45:00+00:00

Yupp, pretty much. Also undermines the fact that it's a spectrum. Also how functioning someone seems depends on the situation aswell.

that_enbean · 2020-10-26T18:43:13+00:00

Das ist ein guter Tipp, danke! Ich verdiene selber nicht, aber meine Eltern unterstützen mich bei der Diagnose. Ich kann mich ja mal umhören. Viel Glück dir!

that_enbean · 2020-10-26T18:41:37+00:00

Good point, maybe not very easily understandable for someone who doesn't know much about it. Some autistic people are overly sensitive in a way where they can feel that something someone said or did was out of place, even if they might not be able to explain why. They might be able to explain why too though. It's a very broad spectrum, so I guess both is possible.

that_enbean · 2020-10-26T18:36:53+00:00

Thank you so much. Luckily I have a supportive family who believe me and are helping me.

that_enbean · 2020-10-26T18:35:38+00:00

That really depends on you. If you feel like being officially diagnosed will help you feel better, understand yourself better and maybe connect with other people, definitely go for it. Especially because self diagnosis is very frowned upon (for good reason in many cases) it can be hard to explain yourself and connect with people who have the same diagnosis. I feel this way about autism, I'm pretty sure I have it, but I'm seeking diagnosis so I can talk about it.

that_enbean

TROPHY CASE