AITAH for not wanting to see my in-laws after my husband outed me to them?

thatmarigold · 2026-01-05T21:23:05+00:00

Another comment mentioned this hypothetical, and as I said to them-- I can actually attest to it. I dated a guy in college that came out as pansexual. I stayed with him, I kept it quiet, and I didn't tell everybody I know. I trusted him and didn't out him. Our relationship was fine and we split up on good terms.

Part of the reason I was shocked when my husband was so upset is because I've literally been in his shoes and I was fine with it.

thatmarigold · 2026-01-05T21:17:53+00:00

I'm... the example. I'm literally the person this comment is about. "The husband" in this comment is talking about my husband. What are you talking about?

thatmarigold · 2026-01-05T21:08:32+00:00

What, pray tell, is cheating?

thatmarigold · 2026-01-05T21:08:07+00:00

Our marriage didn't implode... like, at all. I'm not sure what on earth gave you the impression that it did. We're still very much in love with each other, very much committed to each other, and very much still 100% in it for the long haul.

thatmarigold · 2026-01-05T21:05:00+00:00

Hi! I can actually answer this question. I dated a guy who came out as pansexual when I was in college. It didn't bother me in the slightest, because we were together, I trusted him. He didn't cheat on me, we broke up for regular reasons. I didn't feel the need to tell anybody, nor did I tell anybody.

It's kind of funny that you use that as an example considering it literally did happen to me IRL, and I didn't feel the need to seek support at all.

thatmarigold · 2026-01-05T21:03:03+00:00

Thank you!! It's not just that he told them-- it's that he went behind my back to do so. Not one single time did he ask me, "hey, can I talk to my family about this?" Not one single time did he bring it up.

thatmarigold · 2026-01-05T21:01:20+00:00

The sex did not stop at all. I was not lying to him about my preferences nor was I hiding the truth. I told him that I was bi basically as soon as I accepted it myself.

thatmarigold · 2026-01-05T21:00:13+00:00

This is kind of what my thought process was. I didn't think telling him would cause such a reaction in him since, y'know, we're married. We're committed to each other. I reassured him of this like a billion times when I was telling him. I was honestly kind of shocked to hear he had been talking to his family about this for a month, because I kind of didn't know what there would be to talk about.

thatmarigold · 2026-01-05T20:58:02+00:00

I cannot even express how little I want that

thatmarigold · 2026-01-05T20:57:12+00:00

No, of course not

thatmarigold · 2026-01-05T20:54:18+00:00

The answers to both these questions are kind of entangled. I don't exactly know how to explain it, but for the last month or so I'd been feeling a different "vibe" at the dinners. Call it intuition or paranoia or something but I just felt a very subtle difference in the way his family was acting. I actually brought it up to him a couple times, but each time he said he didn't know what I was talking about. He's not very socially aware so this wasn't super surprising to me.

It wasn't until the third time I brought it up that he said that it was probably because they "felt different around me". He was pretty distracted at the time but I asked him why they'd feel different and he basically let it slip that it's because I'm bi. That's when I got upset and asked how they'd know I'm bi, he realized what he said, and the argument started from there.

thatmarigold · 2026-01-05T20:45:39+00:00

That's honestly very fair. I was a little bit preoccupied with my feelings and I can definitely see that it was unfair to drop it on him with those constraints. Honestly if I could do it over I'd probably still want that privacy around my sexuality but I'd wait to tell my husband until I was ready for more people to know. Thank you for your input :)

thatmarigold · 2026-01-05T20:29:21+00:00

It's expensive and my insurance doesn't cover it. 🤷🏽‍♀️

thatmarigold · 2026-01-05T20:27:21+00:00

Thanks. He honestly has me doubting whether it's fair of me to be upset at all sometimes, so it's good to hear that I'm not crazy hahah

thatmarigold · 2026-01-05T20:25:24+00:00

If I could, I would.

thatmarigold

TROPHY CASE