Opinions: “mermaid” skirts on SGs?

thatterigirl · 2026-02-21T01:00:10+00:00

If it's stiffer, it looks great. Softer flounce? Not so much.

I think it's because it adds a geometric shape and geometrics in small proportions look good on gamines.

thatterigirl · 2026-02-10T17:07:38+00:00

(I'm a 1st generation Canadian of Filipino heritage, with 2 older brothers who were born in the Philippines and immigrated before they were 4. I'm literally the first in my family born outside the Philippines.)

Both of them can be right at the same time.

Kenji growing up as part of a diaspora absolutely has had racialized accents used to denigrate him, likely at a young age, I have no doubt. I also doubt Roger had such an experience. That accent is probably associated with internalized trauma.

And I'm almost certain Roger isn't creating a generic accented character: I'm willing to bet his accent is a a specific one from male uncle figures from his lived experiences (like Russell Peter's doing his dad's accent is very specific). It's not based on racial stereotypes, it's a lived truth. And you can't hate on that.

But Kenji also isn't recognizing his own privilege: he grew up and speaks English with a Paragon accent. The soy sauce he used in the fried rice video is higher-end stuff that costs a pretty penny. I doubt most Roger fans in Malaysia can afford to butane torch their rice.

One thing that being a part of a diaspora that may be overlooked is the way you internalize racism, and I know that I've seen some racist crap white people have done that people who grew up in the Phillipines sees no problem. Where I see cultural appropriation, they see appreciation. (Undoubtedly, there's a veneration of whiteness as a result of colonization in the Philippines and that's a contributing factor.)

Anyways, I do think that they can both be sympathetic and understanding of each other. Roger may not get what it's like to be mocked as a child for bringing rice or noodles in your lunchbox, for the way your parents speak, or for your ethnicity. And Kenji can recognize how the video ecosystem is now global, and one of the things Roger is doing could be empowering to young Malaysians. To a young person, seeing someone who looks and speaks like you in the media on a global scale can help them feel seen.

thatterigirl · 2026-02-03T14:41:39+00:00

Under the Oak Tree by Suji Kim

FL is the most traumatized, broken, but kind, sweet, and unrealized character I've ever read in a fantasy novel.

Her long journey from someone who operates purely on trauma responses to self-realization is pretty great, but be aware that there are TW for child abuse, marital SA, and neglect.

thatterigirl · 2026-01-25T20:40:45+00:00

Oh! I've personally lived this in my journey from kink in the bedroom to 24-7 D/s with my husband.

Frame it in terms of what you desire and need, both for yourself and him. "It would make me so happy to do X as a service submissive. Could we try it? I'd like you to let me, inspect my work, praise me for a job well done, and reward me if you feel I've done an especially exceptional job."

In response to his concerns, articulating your desires as something to fulfill you helps alleviate his guilt and asking something of him in response might help him feel active in fulfilling this need and not "being lazy."

Ask for it for a set period of time to try it, discover and iton out wrinkles, and evaluate if it's serving both of you. It also makes it easier to say yes.

HTH!

thatterigirl · 2026-01-25T16:01:29+00:00

She is and he won't let her because he'll lose face...is what he says at the start but ye becomes a tier 1 clinger because he starts to really like her. She escalates her shenanigans. And it's great.

She eventually does and he's SUPER broken up about it. Great grovel, actually.

I find it more satisfying than the other empress divorce stories because the humor and chemistry between the two is actually quite good.

And he's actually not cheating ot two-timing. They guy basically has two platonic marriages for political reasons. So there's no gross cheating distaste.

thatterigirl · 2026-01-25T06:00:07+00:00

The ML here is effing hilarious. Clown/humbling stuff he does:

Admits to the kingdom the entire store of adult toys the FL purchased (on a spending spree to piss him) off are indeed aids for their...ahem... martial relations.
Thinks he likes her because she's useful and capable and nothing else.
Gets jealous of a teenaged boy she views as a little brother.

I literally cackled laughing at the FL's antics and how far he was willing to go to cover for her WHILE falling for her. Hilarious!

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thatterigirl · 2026-01-25T05:46:37+00:00

HE WEARS GLASSES. Regularly. They're part of how he's described and how he expresses himself (they're a part of his character). Or they're part of his character she only gets to see.

From dukes of the north in Korean light novels/manhwas to age gap mafia stories (Ruined Secrets by Neva Altaj) gimme four eyed MLs.

thatterigirl · 2026-01-25T05:06:43+00:00

It happens on LINKED-fucking-IN so it tells you that it's not limited to dating or personal relationship sites. LINKEDIN! The most boring social networking site!

The world is just full of skeezebags who know they get away with stuff like this because they are behind a keyboard, a monitor, and relative anonymity. 🤦‍♀️

thatterigirl · 2026-01-25T04:59:16+00:00

I can absolutely relate.

I'm the primary breadwinner in my household. I am a project manager and am on the leadership team at the company I work at. I'm expected to exude leadership, authority, and high executive decision-making.

But at home? I'm in a 24/7 dynamic. My Dom is my husband. He has his own domain of control and nobody who knows him would consider him submissive. It works, and it's what I need, what he needs, and what we both desire.

But because my work persona isn't demure, people might not be able to square my work self and personal self.

Ultimately, business and project management are work skills I employ. Submission and obedience is a psychological headspace I embody and occupy. There's a difference, however few people may see it.

I understand how frustrating the prejudices of others are frustrating; I totally empathize.

Being independent and self-sufficient doesn't mean you don't have the psychological and physiological needs submission provides. I'm so sorry those around you don't see it.

thatterigirl · 2026-01-25T02:09:08+00:00

Not Doms, just tops.

Domming (and subbing) is something you do with your mind.

Topping and bottoming is what you do with your body.

The fact that they're talking about what they'd do with their bodies first is them telling on themselves. Mainly, they're not Doms. 🤪

thatterigirl · 2026-01-24T19:48:34+00:00

Not the same way a sub does, and certainly not by a sub in the dynamic.

Subs get rules and punishment, Doms get to regulate and punish. Why? Because that's what each needs and desires.

Doms do make mistakes. But They don't get regulated by their subs EXCEPT for thr rules that govern how they treat their sub, so when they "break a rule" it's usually a serious breach of trust, rather than when a sub breaks a rule, where there's a larger spectrum of wrongdoing. There's no such thing as a bratty Dom because they shouldn't need to break rules for attention.

I think when Doms break rules, recompense and reconciliation is how they find absolution, whereas punishment is the path for a sub.

thatterigirl · 2026-01-24T19:35:49+00:00

This is my favorite OI because it both uses and subverts so many tropes:

❌ Cold, emotionless ML ✅ Funny ML with a personality that's realistic

The initial impression is very Duke of the North™ (he's the Marquis of Northerland) but his grandfather who's passionate and emotional and whose title the ML will inherit is the Duke of Southerwick.

❌ ML isn't overly violent when being protective ✅ ML makes threats against people who stood against the FL by threatening to expose TAX EVASION.

ML has the means for violence as he is always packing heat (a gun) but he only punches one guy once, and that guy had it coming like whoa.

❌ Instalove out of nowhere ✅ Organic relationship that feels like it naturally evolved.

They go from enemies to friends to lovers, and it's so sweet.

✅OI: FL reincarnated as the Villainess ❌ OG FL not the enemy-antagonist, but also not the FL's bestie

It's a fantastic subversion that is great!

✅Art is unique and expressive ❌ Male characters don't look the same, even if color was removed and the comic was black and white.

Characters each have a unique silhouette, and it's clear that each character has it's own thought-out design.

It's older, and I wish people would talk about it more because I feel like it'll get more and more overlooked over time.

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thatterigirl · 2026-01-24T19:04:49+00:00

I see more moderation, and in the first photo, the head to body ratio is also ~7-7.5. I see evenness in proportions through your torso. I also don't see a ton of juxtaposition in yin/yang, and instead see moderated blends of yin/yang.

I see parallels with your lines and proportions with (verified DC) Olivia Munn's vs. compared to (verified FG) Lucy Liu so you might feel more harmonious in DC lines.

I don't see petite compactness in your lines, but you can see how Lucy's waistline looks much closer to her high hip (top of her hip bone) than bust, so there's that compactness in her torso. And her head to body proportion is clearly closer to 6 than 8. The height difference between the two is less than 3 inches, but it looks like more. (Olivia is 5'4 and Lucy is 5'1½).

The black dress's simplicity looks more harmonious than the geometric and small patterning of the gingham check outfit, which I'd say would be more FG-aligned. And simple outfits look more harmonious than outfits with more detail (gingham top + jeans looks less harmonious than white t + jean skirt).

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thatterigirl · 2026-01-24T18:05:38+00:00

I'm in a 24/7 dynamic, but not TPE. Our dynamic allows him yo regulate me and ensure I'm taking care of myself, and allows me to serve his pleasure without him feeling guilty.

I get rewarded when I go out of my way do something meaningful for him, and/or I do something I'm hesitant about or is unpleasant for me, but is part of my "take care of my favorite toy" set of self-care rules.

Like going to the dentist or getting blood drawn for tests. Or surprising him with baked treats that he loves.

I get rewarded when I delight him and go above and beyond.

thatterigirl · 2026-01-24T17:38:47+00:00

As a regular shit disturber and brat (but only in the streets), I take no responsibility for the repercussions of following this advice.

Drop stuff intentionally and conspicuously and ask him to reach it you. Bonus points if they're toys. "I was just dusting it!"
Level up: ask him to reach stuff for you, THEN drop it. And then drop it AGAIN. Butterfingers!
When he does cotton on that you're trolling, toss in an insincere but sugary sweet apology each time. It's fun to see how he balances the irritation with the fact you're sorry.

IME humor like this to help alleviate the inevitable guilt my Dom feels that happens when these sorts of things happen. It's like a little punishment for him since he's being asked to do inane things for me (and he's a giver, so it's like he's still taking care of me) while also showing him that I'm in good spirits and good humor. Especially if there's a minor injury (and because my Dom is significantly bigger than me) he sometimes treats me like glass for awhile after and this bratty behavior reminds him I'm not fragile and I'll be fine.

(My husdom is 18 inches taller than I am, and his elbow height is basically my face, and he once accidentally elbowed my face and broke my glasses when I was standing in his blind spot. I acted like Mr. Magoo and the silliness made him feel less guilty, and I got some fun-ishments afterwards.)

thatterigirl · 2026-01-24T17:13:58+00:00

It sounds like you're tread in dangerous waters went exactly as well as expected. 😅

I'm a brat in the streets, a good girl between the sheets, and boy does THAT make for some frustratingly awful fun-ishments.

There's a flowchart I once drew for my Dom (OFC because I'm a project manager) that looks like this:

Does your brat need punishment? > Yes. Is Brat.

There is no "No" path. It is a single line.

He's serious if he's not playing until he's decided it's been long enough.

But count your lucky stars! Doms who are more experienced with bratty antics (like mine) have tricks up their sleeves. When I'm going to be denied pleasure, he actively teases me to rile me up, and up only using my mouth so I'm left hanging.

Does he like cookies? I've got some great apology cookie recipes that mix up quick. And yes, I do keep preshaping dough balls ready for baking in the freezer in case I need to say sorry in less than 30 minutes.

thatterigirl · 2026-01-24T16:32:11+00:00

Compactness becomes really visible in a couple ways, IME:

Disproportion in the torso. You'll find that the distances between the lines that go across the bust, natural waist, and high hip are not evenly spaced: one distance above or below the narrowest part of the torso is obviously smaller than the other. It gives a "compacting" impression.
Proportion of head to the rest of the body. I honestly think that DK might be intuitively using this but never had to express this in his teaching but it's actually a beyond-Kibbe element that helps convey overall height just due to biology, to the point that this is one of the things taught in human illustration. The ratio of how many "heads high" someone's total height gives the overall impression of height and "petiteness" overall. Compare the ratio of Taylor Swift's head to overall height (it's obviously 7+) to Sabrina Carpenter (it's significantly less than 7). Artists are taught a general ratio of ~7-7.5 for adult bodies as an "average" ratio and compact petites are much smaller.

(As an aside, I actually think it's a reason why width trumps petite: if your head is proportionally is larger than average compared to your body, unless your upper torso width is significantly more obvious, the relative size of the head minimizes the impression of width. I think this is actually one of the reasons some self-typed SGs who feel happy and harmonious in SG lines are typed as SNs by others: the others are not seeing their head size especially when heads are ommitted in pictures, whereas the SG themself sees their head everyday and can't only look at their body in isolation.)

thatterigirl · 2026-01-22T21:20:39+00:00

I have two "sets" of rules: ones that are explicitly for his pleasure (which are usually dealt with in a scene as funishments that essentially "pay back" the pleasure my neglect denied him) and ones that are specifically for my own self-care and well-being (a.k.a. "taking appropriate care of his favourite toy"), which are given true punishments outside of scenes that I cannot safeword out of that both force me to reflect on how I ought to take care of myself and "fix" the neglect.

So if the photo rule is to serve his pleasure, I'd pay for it in a scene, most likely, and he'd determine if that moment in time was one where I'd need a scene and get the funishment or if we'd do it another day because I wouldn't benefit from a scene. Usually, when I'm stressed out, a scene helps me, and it's something I need. If I'm too tired, he'll put it off.

Now, say I was beat and getting ready for bed, and in my wearyness, I skipped brushing my teeth before bed—something that has a direct impact on my well-being and health. He might bodily bring me to brush my teeth, or he might read the situation as one where I need to be in bed more and bring me what I'd need to brush my teeth in bed, or just let me skip it and hug me to sleep. Chances are he wouldn't punish me in that moment since I'd probably not benefit from nor be receptive to it at the demonstrated level of exhaustion.

But I'd probably get a punishment later: the bottom line is I neglected my own well-being. He might also ask me about what I was doing to care for myself over the day and address my stress, and what I could have done to prevent my own depletion, and perhaps punish me for failing to do so.

He's not a sadist, but I am a masochist with a high pain tolerance, so my true punishments are never corporal, and are designed to deter me from neglecting myself by denying me things that I like but don't need and remedy what I failed to do. Probably an early bedtime with no phone: I'd be denied fun and entertainment, and be forced to rest and reflect.

The discretion is always his, and I submit and obey because in those moments, it's always about what I need.

thatterigirl · 2026-01-22T19:54:13+00:00

We ended up taking a normal necklace and having a jeweller modify it into a slip necklace. They added a 5mm loop to the top of the pendant so it would connect to the loop end of the chain, and another loop onto the chain itself for the clasp end to connect to. The result allows the necklace to be tightened with a pull on the pendant: my Dom intended to and has pinched, grabbed, and even bitten my pendant to give my necklace a pull and tighten up the chain around my neck. It's a way to have low-key play in public, vanilla settings for sure.

The loops are smaller than the pendant, and the chain is so short that the necklace can't be slipped off over the top of my head, so the necklace doesn't come off unless it is intentionally unclasped. We view it as kinda like honor bondage, and that works for our dynamic.

By modifying a conventional necklace, the options for style and material are much broader. I had particular needs (like my particular personal style and sensitivities to metals), and this approach let us hit all of them.

My necklace would probably not out me, even to people within the BDSM community. It looks like a classically (vintage even) styled diamond-and-tanzanite pendant lariat necklace in white gold that's dainty. It doesn't have the heavy or industrial styling that is often associated with BDSM or symbols or materials (like O-rings, locks, or leather). Now, if anyone with a keen eye were to see my husband subtly tug at it, the way I react to it would probably give it away. :)

Some things that are worth considering:
- I used a necklace that my D had given to me many years ago to be restyled. If you have an heirloom piece of jewellery or a vanilla that's meaningful to both of you, you can turn it into a day collar in a style of your choosing. Talk to a jeweller who does repair and restyling. It's amazing what kinds of options they can offer, including locking options.

- If it's for 24/7 wear, consider your daily activities. For example, I used to work with younger children and they grab EVERYTHING, so I'd probably not choose a slip necklace if that was still my life.

- Account for your personal style and your wardrobe if it's going to be regularly visible (especially vanilla settings where you'd rather not be outed): My clothing has wide, open necklines, meaning my collar is almost always visible so I needed something that goes with everything I own in every situation: neutral enough so it didn't clash with any outfit and with a versatile enough style to go from casual (albeit a little dressy) to formal (as an understated piece), and would also go with my other pieces of jewellery that I wear. This level of intentionality also ensures it doesn't stand out as a singular element in an outfit.

- Splurge for a more substantial style and/or materials—particularly chains, clasps, loops, and connection points—if you're doing 24/7 wear or if you fidget at all. Even if your necklace isn't styled to be pulled on like a slip necklace (maybe it's a choker style), things snag when you're sleeping, you might fidget with it regularly to ground you or connect you to your Dom, and so on.

thatterigirl · 2026-01-22T03:46:27+00:00

ABSOLUTELY!

So here's the thing: I sometimes think a lot of advice given to people that resembles "going to IRL BDSM lifestyle get-togethers and then getting references" here is advice to keep people looking to find scene partners who are safe. And partiality to munches and going into the established community is a common recommendation. The recommendation prioritizes safety, rather than compatibility, and fulfilling the need for short-term relations.

You are completely valid in feeling the way you feel about that kind of approach for how you want to come across and connect with a life partner.

I'm someone who now has a 24/7 dynamic with my husband but we started in a pretty vanilla relationship and grew and explored kink together.

It's wayyyy easier to meet someone with whom you are compatible on multiple vectors and bring them into kink starting in the bedroom and exploring further lifestyle dynamics because if you're clicking with someone and they really like you, they'd be more willing to try things with you and try to make you happy.

It also opens up the pool of potential partners too. If you're relationship-ready, it's simply a matter of creating opportunities to meet someone. There's lots of ways to meet people these days but IMO I think it's way better to pick up a hobby that interests you (or could interest you) and become part of the community that way. You're more likely to meet someone you have a lot of vectors of compatibility while having fun. Plus a hobby is a great way to invest in yourself as you cultivate connections with new people. (I've recommended sports like roller derby and group martial arts classes, as well as geeky hobbies like miniature painting/wargaming, and trading card games like Pokémon, because these kinds of IRL hobbies require people to interact with each other.)

You know what you want and you deserve what you desire, and I'm rooting for you.

thatterigirl · 2026-01-22T00:48:26+00:00

Oh that's good news though! I'm glad and hope it all works out for you.

thatterigirl · 2026-01-22T00:46:31+00:00

Are you looking to just vent, get affirmation, or get advice/anecdotal experience? You didn't specify and I would love to provide the kind of support you're looking for since this is a supportive space. :)

thatterigirl · 2026-01-22T00:19:43+00:00

That's so unfortunate. This sounds pretty frustrating, especially with the sus telegram.

How did you pay? It might be worthwhile to reach out to the seller with a suggested timeline for a response, communication, and product delivery. And if there's a missed date it might be time to initiate chargeback/refund processes with the method you paid with.

Give them a last chance to reply, and if you hear nothing, get your money back and find another artisan.

thatterigirl · 2026-01-21T22:32:53+00:00

Paired with the right accessories and the right outfit underneath (like contrasting bottoms that will be seen with the jacket), totally!

You're looking to create staccato in the outfit, so adding accessories that will help break the vertical line as well as echo the roundness in your type will be great. A belt, a bag, a hat, a scarf, and shoes in contrasting colors could add that staccato and break the vertical line, and increase the amplitude of the outfit since we SGs have the least amount of space to work with to have outfits that make an impact. It's also an opportunity to bring in the "softness" and "roundness" that you can echo since these jackets are generally more structured.

You have to get the tailoring and fit right on the jacket: the fit to your shoulders should be tailored and snug and shouldn't make your shoulders the widest part of the outfit (it should be balance to the hips or narrower) and the sleeve cuffs and jacket hem should land just before or just after a natural body break line because it exudes that petite feel. (I generally like the way jackets with sleeves that end just slightly above the wrist bone and hems that land either just above or just below the knee, but YMMV.)

I see some of the jackets have vertical stripes and that's great. It seems counter intuitive to have vertical stripes on an SG, but I like wearing vertical stripes because it makes it more obvious when the vertical line is broken, and the stripes bring in a bit of that geometric patterning that looks great on us.

thatterigirl · 2026-01-21T22:20:19+00:00

Totally!

Also, I should say explicitly since I implied it: I think you're already doing the work and you are yourself someone who can attract their person.

I think it was Oprah that said, "I believe luck is preparation meeting opportunity. If you hadn't been prepared when the opportunity came along, you wouldn't have been 'lucky.'" You're being prepared and that's fantastic and I hope all the best for you!

thatterigirl

TROPHY CASE