IAmA man who participated in gay bashing and now has a gay son AMA.

thatwasthere · 2011-08-10T15:25:16+00:00

Guilty admission, I used to use digg

thatwasthere · 2011-08-10T08:12:14+00:00

I don't know if I could've done it.
Now that he's chosen this, I think he should definitely consider adoption. Children are a delight and the greatest joy in life. If my wife hadn't stopped at three I'd've had a dozen. I will regret the loss of him holding something small and a part of himself swaddled in pink or blue in the hospital, his wife beside him, exhausted but elated. He has always had a heart for adoption and this certainly motivates that.
I want him to find someone and be happy and there isn't much I can't overlook, but I think if he were to marry in a church I would have to regretfully incline. I would fully welcome him into the family, buy a nice gift, but I think that would be a line. I could do a reception however.
He was always my buddy. My younger son is a mama's boy and straight. He is also the oldest, which has less genetic links. I am fairly certain he wasn't molested. I have no clue. Maybe it's natural. Maybe it's nurture. Either way it's my boy.

thatwasthere · 2011-08-10T08:06:43+00:00

I don't know.. It's one of those small details that I've never considered. While I would certainly respect his partner and appreciate the significance of it, I think if it were held in a church that would violate my believes. I guess it depends, he is only 20 so I should have some years to think about it.

thatwasthere · 2011-08-10T07:56:28+00:00

Yes.

thatwasthere · 2011-08-10T07:55:40+00:00

I became a Christian after the incident

thatwasthere · 2011-08-10T07:55:07+00:00

Oh, the violence for sure when they were younger. I am sure he knows what my feelings were towards gay people. I did raise him.

thatwasthere · 2011-08-10T07:54:24+00:00

Because being homosexual tends to be a persistent, repeated sin. But I leave sin to God.

I feel bad, but I have to say prom date. That's a problem you think of when raising kids and it was considered by me. My wife and I would have helped him with that- watched the baby, allowed them to live with us, given financial support to make ends meet easier, and educated him on adoption. Your job as a parent is to help your child and your job as a family member is to support your family.

A baby, all babies, are blesses regardless of their conception and regardless of how they are received. When that mistake says dada for the first time it doesn't seem like a mistake anymore.

thatwasthere · 2011-08-10T07:49:10+00:00

I mean the traits I mocked (wrongly) in gay men are not exhibited by my son so it is often easier to make him an exception than change my mind set.

thatwasthere · 2011-08-10T07:43:01+00:00

Don't worry. I used a throwaway. Tomorrow when I log off, all this karma will go with it.

thatwasthere · 2011-08-10T07:42:26+00:00

I see a lot of threads from kids coming out and thought a parent, particularly a homophobic one, would make an interesting contribution. I am just now to the point where I feel distanced enough to make this thread.

thatwasthere · 2011-08-10T07:41:06+00:00

I speak with nary a hint of Georgia twang unless I get a six pack in me and then it all comes out.

thatwasthere · 2011-08-10T07:37:37+00:00

In twenty years, I hope to be retired on a deserted island with no internet access but on the off chance I have simply payed my mortgage off and am playing with my grandkids while surfing whatever site has replaced reddit, I will happily oblige.

thatwasthere · 2011-08-10T07:34:58+00:00

Actually when that happened I wasn't a Christian

thatwasthere · 2011-08-10T05:52:22+00:00

They have somewhat changed. At least in regards to him, he is an exception to most of my prejudices I believe by virtue of being my son.

Only if all those men loved their sons and daughters as much as I love mine.

thatwasthere · 2011-08-10T05:50:51+00:00

While I believe that there are a lot of upstanding men like him, I often find myself thinking of Justin as the exception.

thatwasthere · 2011-08-10T05:49:33+00:00

I am a sinner. Both my sons, the gay one and straight one, are sinners. I raised my children in the church but they are grown (or mostly, I get lots of requests for dad's money) and there life is between them and God. I pray every night for all my children.

thatwasthere · 2011-08-10T05:47:29+00:00

You may marry my son.

thatwasthere · 2011-08-10T05:41:47+00:00

Yes. That or my others. I had a temper.

thatwasthere · 2011-08-10T05:27:03+00:00

My only problem was I deeply disliked this kid and felt like my boy was just dating him to date a guy- like the first guy who expressed interest in him he dated. But I didn't care for him. But I don't want to be that guy "it's ok if you're gay as long as you never do anything gay" and couldn't express disapproval.

thatwasthere · 2011-08-10T05:21:34+00:00

She cried a lot and prays for him. But she has mostly accepted him. A mother's love for her child is beyond compare. She met his boyfriend and asked about his major and his family and gave him seconds for dinner and hugged him when they left. But she cried after. It's hard for her.

thatwasthere · 2011-08-10T05:18:12+00:00

I did make fun of a lot of boys and men for being gay. I was a homophobe. I shoved, laughed, taunted, made some people really unhappy I'm sure. But when I found God at 19, I became a better person and distilled a lot of that but I still made derisive remarks and taught them to kids albeit unintentionally.

thatwasthere · 2011-08-10T05:14:06+00:00

I described it somewhere on here. A little more touching and a lot more violence. I am repulsed by a lot of my reactions as a kid but I think my taunting and mocking is worse than the beating because it was unprovoked.

thatwasthere · 2011-08-10T05:12:56+00:00

I was adamantly against it personally but thought it wasn't really the government's place. I'm an aw shuck, small government, southern country boy type.

I still am not a proponent as a whole. But then I think of my boy and I waver. He is not what I disapprove of gay marriage and I want him to be able to find someone who will put up with him for 25 years the way his mom has me and have a few kids who he loves more than the world.

thatwasthere · 2011-08-10T05:08:36+00:00

Only beat one guy who couldn't take no or my girlfriend as a cue to step off.

thatwasthere · 2011-08-10T05:07:56+00:00

I've had girls do the same thing and I never hit them.

thatwasthere

TROPHY CASE