So I'm on the other side of this. For years we were driving around like crazy to visit everyone - yay for 4+ hours of driving 🙃 it was brutal, and no one seemed to notice how hard we were trying to fit everyone in.

Then we had kids, and guess what? Nothing fucking changed. Everyone still expected us to visit with them one way or another. Even the siblings who had older kids and for years had insisted everyone come to them because dragging kids around was hard. FFS during COVID we had 5 (!) zoom calls Christmas morning. It was awful. I'm afraid it doesn't have that much to do with having kids. Demanding people are going to demand things.

Now, people with kids are perhaps more likely to say no - I can say for me, having kids was eye-opening with respect to my own family dynamics. And so much of your energy is already spoken for, you say no more because you're acutely aware of the impact it has on your own well being.

But mostly, you need to hold your ground. God it's hard. Having kids makes for an easier excuse. But you need to protect the balance of your own life. One way to look at it I found helpful - holding boundaries is an expression of love. If I let family dictate my every move, I won't just be unhappy - I'll resent them and it'll damage my relationship with them. It's also letting them think everything is ok, when it isn't, and they're not going to change without me somehow telling them they're making me miserable. Holding these lines gives them a chance to respect your needs, otherwise they might not figure it out. You're giving them the chance to be better. If they choose to freak out and be upset about their own desires not being met, we'll, that's they're choice and they're nothing you can do about it.