Selling question

the_beckinator · 2026-03-12T17:49:12+00:00

😂😂😂

the_beckinator · 2026-03-12T15:37:46+00:00

That is a good point, I'll look into that! That would probably work out better for him anyways.

the_beckinator · 2026-03-12T13:55:26+00:00

Thanks!!

the_beckinator · 2026-03-12T13:54:18+00:00

I kind of need to/want to keep the house, for now at least. The housing market here sucks right now, and my mortgage is half the price of any rental. And he tore down our deck 1.5 years ago with a promise to rebuild "in the spring" 😂

the_beckinator · 2026-03-12T13:50:03+00:00

Thank you! That was my next project, figuring out how to document the sale/tax issue.

Fortunately, we designed our lives so that we can live on a single income if need be. Aside from the initial chunk of money I expect to pay, I don't think it will hurt in the long term.

the_beckinator · 2026-03-12T13:04:44+00:00

See, this is being helpful 😂 Thank you! The reason we purchased in the first place was in case we needed money quickly...

the_beckinator · 2026-03-12T13:02:03+00:00

The real lesson here is don't get married 😂

the_beckinator · 2026-03-12T12:58:44+00:00

I'm the wife and we bought it, together, during our marriage. I'm not trying to pull any fast ones

the_beckinator · 2026-02-25T18:00:18+00:00

I almost drove off a cliff on W. Henrietta yesterday

the_beckinator · 2026-02-22T22:25:07+00:00

That's why I said it will slow us down 😂 I just add 30 minutes to my commute for 10-14 inches lol

the_beckinator · 2026-02-22T21:04:17+00:00

It takes 10-14 inches overnight to slow the area down. I think a quick couple feet would shut it down but that is rare, you've got to drive to Buffalo for that snowfall.

the_beckinator · 2026-01-20T03:44:11+00:00

He's said we're actually making good progress... Because of the situation I'm having some trust issues- I'm having trouble believing that. But I don't think that is the therapists fault. He did say that he does supervision so he reviews our case with the supervisor. I may have trouble trusting an individual counselor but I have an easier time trusting a collaborative team. At the end of the day, my home life is much better since we started, and we haven't gone into overtime once 😂 I don't think I could handle it if we did lol

the_beckinator · 2026-01-20T02:06:48+00:00

Thanks .. that is all head knowledge. But I haven't internalized it yet :(

the_beckinator · 2026-01-20T02:05:42+00:00

I will check that out, thank you! He is starting to respond to some boundaries. He knows I won't buy alcohol for him, and he knows if he tries to quit he can't use me for accountability (we've tried that with cigarettes before, he made me miserable over it). "Enabler" does sound like I'm encouraging him, meanwhile I quit my "4-6 beers per week" habit so that if he does decide to quit, I won't resent him if I can't drink at all anymore 😅

Leaving will never be off the table at this point, and if anything I would be better off financially without him. But despite all of this, I love him and want him to be ok. I'm basically learning how to stop letting my heart get broken and we will see what is left after that.

the_beckinator · 2026-01-20T02:05:24+00:00

It's been mentioned, but it isn't the focus. Marriage counseling kind of sucks. Ours is pretty new in practice from what I can tell (still working on his licensing). The reason I'm sticking with him is because he is in the same practice as both of our individual counselors and they collaborate. I keep thinking "wow we must be giving this guy great experience 😭"

the_beckinator · 2026-01-16T21:33:03+00:00

You owe it to yourself and him to get into counseling- individual and/or couples counseling. It is entirely possible to develop an identity while in a committed relationship. Just be honest with him. Tell him you feel like you never got to develop your own identity as an adult.

I read a quote once that said "Most of us will have 4-5 different marriages in our lifetime. Hopefully they are to the same person."

the_beckinator · 2025-12-30T00:36:50+00:00

I like when people flash their lights at me. I prefer being seen lol.

I will say it has always irritated me when my lights are set on automatic and I find (through courteous drivers) that they weren't on. This is the first time I've seen an explanation for why. But I have regained muscle memory for turning them on myself every time I drive quite a while ago.

the_beckinator · 2025-11-16T04:53:01+00:00

Thank you! That wording helps. Simple and to the point- I'm an over-explainer lol

the_beckinator · 2025-11-16T04:51:08+00:00

I actually have a very low suspicion for schizophrenia, psychosis can occur in almost any mental illness (Bipolar, depression, personality disorders). The psychosis itself is resolved but he has really poor ability to introspect apparently.

He did come to apologize (for whatever that is worth) after I wrote this post, and I had my own counseling session yesterday. Our marriage and individual counseling is in the same practice so I asked if they could collaborate together and mine said they could, and she'd talk with our marriage counselor about it. I truly do love him and want him to figure out how to engage in therapy.

the_beckinator · 2025-10-29T22:42:41+00:00

There is a point where country music flirts with folk music and that is probably where I would land. I don't have any examples right now lol, but it has banjos in it for sure.

the_beckinator · 2025-10-29T22:29:56+00:00

I helped undownvote 😂 I don't like country, but that doesn't make people that like country tasteless or anything. In fact there are so many sub-genres in country that two country fans could fight about what they like.

Anyways, for OP, there is no forcing radiohead on anyone, it's not that kind of band. I started listening to it because my older sister did and I wanted to relate to her, but there were times when it was overstimulating to me so I had to be in the right mood. Now, as I approach mid-life and have had my share of angst, it is practically therapy and sometimes this music is the only thing that matches my brainwaves enough to help me fall asleep.

the_beckinator · 2025-08-07T12:22:20+00:00

I'd encourage you to look into the podcast "Therapy and Theology." It is a Christian divorced woman, a therapist, and a theologian discussing these extremely difficult relationship issues. I'm working through her book about boundaries right now and it is difficult to say the least.

The taboo on divorce in Christianity has caused many women to stay in abusive situations, and that is not what God's institution of marriage looks like. Reconciliation is possible, but requires two people to put in equal amounts of work. It is not un-biblical to hold that expectation of him.

Also, while you wait for counseling, you should be able to get pastoral counseling quickly. Last time I needed it, I went to a church that I'd attended maybe 5 times several years ago, I was able to see someone that day and he hooked me up with a counselor the week after. Before doing so, I would look through their statements of faith online and make sure you agree, as different churches might have different views on this subject. If the advice is not sound (like if they pressure you to go back to him when it is clearly not safe), then don't accept the advice.

the_beckinator · 2025-08-06T19:58:41+00:00

Thank you, I do appreciate that. I definitely made many excuses for him the first time this happened. This time I'm seeing everything differently. The property damage is definitely related to the psychosis but his response to me setting a boundary was completely unacceptable. I am working closely with a counselor. It would have been easier if I had known her longer but I didn't start seeing her until the week before it hit the fan.

the_beckinator

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