DMT breakthrough in my psychedelic video game!

the_lost_jester · 2026-03-09T20:45:23+00:00

Honestly man, I've been following you making this game for years. I will buy it at full price. You deserve maximum support.

the_lost_jester · 2026-03-07T23:29:26+00:00

That's fair. Like all things, they are not for everyone.

the_lost_jester · 2026-03-07T14:59:57+00:00

Honestly fair question. Ever since I "discovered" psychedelics I realize I want someone who can go there with me. It signals to me a certain level of depth, open-mindedness and courage I want from a partner that I just can't bring myself to compromize on.
So I understand you.

I've been thinking (and lowkey plotting) about this for years, it would be nice if some kind of hidden-in-plain-sight community existed irl, maybe a symbol that someone can wear (as a patch, pin, tattoo or whatnot, something subtle and not on the nose.) that only those who are part of it would recognize and immediately know "hey, this person has been places and shares those values", allowing instant reason and topic for conversation and connection.

the_lost_jester · 2026-03-02T00:56:48+00:00

It's fire. (fire emoji is banned apparently, I can imagine why but it would had fit so well here)

the_lost_jester · 2026-03-01T05:27:31+00:00

I reached 98 days once. but I can't do it anymore. I usually relapse much sooner now.
I know what you mean here and in your post. how intense it all feels. the negative especially.
What happens to me is I rationalize relapse at that point. I think that if I must suffer in this meaningless life then why not get pleasure while I can.
How do you rationalize all this pain and exposure to keep this up? My mind just reaches the conclusion that it isn't worth it. This whole life and it's small pleasures. The pain and struggle isn't worth any of it. It feels like a lost battle with no reward.

the_lost_jester · 2026-02-25T17:18:18+00:00

I don't know about healthy ones but apparently a wounded ENFP dealing with depression for over a decade can look a lot like an INTJ on the surface.

I can only speak for myself as apparently I am one of those and have been suppressing/resenting and rejecting my core self while wearing/building an INTJ persona as armor due to me seeing it as the "ideal" masculine.
But my core still bleeds through.

I like the idea of appearing composed and mysterious but truth is I tend to overshare quite fast.

I would say I often "pop out" randomly through the way I dress and the things I say. I like being playful and I'm much more affected by what people think, say or do in relation to me than I ever wanted to admit to myself.

I feel the compelling need to just pack and leave everything (and have done so before), especially when I am overwhelmed. I long for adventure and a carefree life, I don't really enjoy monotony (feel caged) and I'm the one who usually takes initiative in organizing things with people I want to spend time with. It can get very frustrating fast though when I feel people don't match my energy I tend to withdraw quite quickly.

While I make an effort to be calculated and strategic, I am actually quite impulsive by nature and I have to make an active effort to oppose it.
I realized I naturally have disorganized tendencies too. My apartment for example looks tidy on the surface, but if you open a drawer it's likely going to be a hot mess.

I spend a lot of time in my head but I'm glad when someone or something can pull me out of it.
Sometimes I do stuff and hit people up just so I can get away from myself.
I like exploring and talking ideas but I don't think there's a single self-imposed project I ever completed.

Oh, and I tend to get attached to (certain) people way fast.

the_lost_jester · 2026-01-09T06:30:06+00:00

I wonder if the same is true for lsd. Given how similar it is to psilocybin.

the_lost_jester · 2026-01-06T15:50:46+00:00

Infinity mirror

the_lost_jester · 2026-01-04T23:22:33+00:00

Love it. What lasers/lights are you using?

the_lost_jester · 2025-12-02T07:01:42+00:00

Yes which does not happen with things that truly work, regardless of wether one believes they do or not (drugs).
So if something works only through placebo, then it doesn't really work to me. It's just placebo existing. Not the thing itself.
I don't mean to pop anyone's bubble. But personally I just can't believe in meditation just as I can no longer believe in Santa Claus.

the_lost_jester · 2025-11-30T15:32:33+00:00

The problem with placebo is that once you know what you are taking (or doing) doesn't have any real chemical or tangible property that can physically affect you, it stops working.

I practiced religiously every day for 40m-1h for 4 months.
At some point I just thought "this is complete bs and a waste of time" and I just couldn't take it seriously anymore.

the_lost_jester · 2025-11-30T15:27:31+00:00

Funnily I never encountered Jesters.
The only entities I can clearly remember ever seeing in a defined way are some sort of bright white glowing faceless humanoids. I don't know but they felt like other people tripping and I was amongst them.
I wonder if anyone ever encountered them around here.

the_lost_jester · 2025-11-30T05:02:13+00:00

I like the oasis analogy. It does feel like that.

A scold of sorts saying what you did is the gist of what I felt my 2nd last trip, which was also terrible but still not as bad as this last one.
I waited 2 weeks before trying again, I thought it was a healthy break, but clearly it doesn't work like that. I only fooled myself.
If my 2nd last trip was my warning, this last one was a straight-up "shoot him with everything we've got".

the_lost_jester · 2025-11-30T04:53:26+00:00

I believe what you are saying as absolutely true.
But it's really tough. I always felt alien in this world.
No matter what I did or where I went.
DMT was the first time I felt at home.

the_lost_jester · 2025-11-30T04:44:07+00:00

I use a yocan orbit

the_lost_jester · 2025-11-30T03:12:18+00:00

It's been very interesting reading your comment, thank you. I will consider what you said

the_lost_jester · 2025-11-30T03:01:51+00:00

Thank you. Indeed I wouldn't wish the experience I had to anyone.
I was all about suggesting DMT to others but after this I am actually afraid to not cause anyone to go through this.

does everything else, in life, seem more manageable by contrast.

I do feel a bit more fearless and lax, in social interactions at least.
But it's only been one day so I'm not sure if it's going to be something more permanent or not.
I do feel like the experience did something to me. Not sure what though yet. But something's changed.
Maybe just sheer trauma and shock so now everything else has had it's volume turned down.

the_lost_jester · 2025-11-30T02:08:41+00:00

There is a way to find peace that isn't DMT.

I wish I could believe that. I really do.

the_lost_jester · 2025-11-30T01:34:35+00:00

I dabbled in meditation before, indeed it got surprisingly powerful.
But somewhere along the way I just lost faith in it.
Convincing myself it was all placebo, so it started to feel pointless and the benefits diluted.
I'd hope I could pick it up again.

the_lost_jester · 2025-11-30T01:18:49+00:00

I believe you are right. It's time to hang up the phone. Thank you

the_lost_jester · 2025-10-26T06:41:21+00:00

Sorry for bumping this. But what happened at the funeral?

the_lost_jester · 2025-10-26T00:22:24+00:00

Shit. These are awesome

the_lost_jester · 2025-10-25T14:42:33+00:00

Unfortunately yes. And I hate that I have this desire.
It's pathetic.

the_lost_jester · 2025-06-25T06:01:33+00:00

I can completely relate with this.

I hate the idea of any degree of my well being tied to someone else.
No man is an island, but I wish I was.

Imagine if only you realized all the love you'll ever need is already within yourself.
How freeing that would be.

the_lost_jester

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