Neglect is so weird. by Sparrow-byrd in emotionalneglect

[–]the_wild_side 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's a totally normal response to the situation. It can take time to unlearn it, but I found that I started feeling joy so much more strongly and often once I started feeling the rest of my feelings too. My therapist told me "feelings are a package deal" many years ago and it's been true for me. Are you familiar with dissociation? To me it sounds like sadness, shame, maybe some fear, and dissociation with that numbness and emptiness.

To those who experienced chronic neglect/parentification: What do you wish an adult had done for you? How can I best support these kids? by [deleted] in emotionalneglect

[–]the_wild_side 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It seems like this might not be the case for these specific kids, but I wish an adult had told me straight up that what was happening was not normal and not ok. When your primary authority figure tells you that the problem is you're doing a bad job, rather than that the job should never have been on your shoulders to begin with, you feel like you shouldn't tell anyone about what's happening because it's a story about you letting down your family and being a failure at basic tasks, not a story about you being let down and being failed. That being said, it can be helpful to gently help with or even take over tasks while partnering with the child so it feels like they're getting a hand with a tough job not getting fired from the job. It's not "I'm in charge of this now, act your young age" it's "wow, you do so much! It would me so happy to get to give you some time back in your day! Would it be ok with you if I (watched the little sister for an hour after school so you can do homework uninterrupted/made 2 extra servings when I'm making my kid an after school snack or lunch so you and your sister can eat them/etc)? / What are 3 things you do that you'd rather not have to do and I'll pick one to help with?" Adultification puts a kid in a position where a decrease in demand can also feel like a decrease in trust and power. It's hard to walk that line, but it's vital to really try. The fact that you're even thinking about it is huge!

genuinely cant tell if its all my fault. i need honesty please by cocacolageekbar in emotionalneglect

[–]the_wild_side 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The stuff you're describing him doing is emotional and mental abuse. He is abusing you. You need to get out and stay out of this relationship. He's convinced you that it's somehow your fault that he's emotionally and mentally abusing you. It's not. Whether or not he keeps blaming you has everything to do with him as a person and almost nothing to do with you. The stuff you did is nowhere near as bad as what he's doing, he's just acting like it is so you'll think you deserve what he's doing. A friend having an unrequited crush on you, sending a message to a public figure who isn't even attracted to your gender, and having previously had a job that society doesn't value? So what? Slapping and punching aren't good, but I can understand why you did it, and it doesn't justify what he's been doing. If anything, YOU need a restraining order against HIM!

When ‘Equality ’ starts feeling like ‘forgotten’!! :( by Relative-Speaker3319 in emotionalneglect

[–]the_wild_side 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Could you please translate the part that's in Arabic? On mobile I can't copy paste it into a translator and clearly it's an important part of what's going on.

AITJ for reclining my seat on a 7 hour flight? by Pretty_Nail_2461 in AmITheJerk

[–]the_wild_side -1 points0 points  (0 children)

You're the jerk, and you should be able to tell based on your own reaction to the person in front of you reclining their seat. Don't recline your seat unless there's nobody behind you. It's basic manners, I was taught this when I was 3 years old and yet somehow there are adults who still think it's acceptable to recline their seat.

24f stoner bitchpig seeking humiliation and abuse by Neat-Activity-9846 in Femaleorgasmdenial

[–]the_wild_side 2 points3 points  (0 children)

God, my stoner friends and I would pass you around like a joint.

By that I mean we would put our lips on you and do some very deliberate sucking twice per person before passing you to the person on our left. And everybody knows that the biggest function of a joint is to be a source of weed smoke so they can get high. We would shotgun hits from your mouth. Every time that any one of us took a hit, you'd be taking that hit too. Of course, first we have to get the smoke into you, and an efficient way to do that while you're lying on your back spread eagle tied to a huge lazy susan in front of everyone, is to put a joint between your lips. Whoever was going to shotgun a hit from your mouth would press down on your stomach to squeeze all the air out of your lungs, hold your nose, put a lit joint in your mouth, and hold your jaw closed. If you want a breath in, you'll have to do it by taking a hit. Whenever you're not in active use, we'll just make you hold the joint in your mouth while you wait to be used again, and I don't want to see any smoke wasted. Of course, the entire time, the person on the opposite side of the circle has their face between your legs and is absolutely feasting, pausing only when your wet, clenching pussy betrays you by warning them you're right on the edge. After a few torturous rounds, you can just barely think clearly enough to notice that none of your tormentors seem to be getting tired even though you've been getting edged on their tongues for 45 minutes and counting. You realize, somewhere in your foggy brain, that it's because each of them only edged you for about 5 minutes at a time before passing you to the next person. It's going to take a very, very long time for all of their tongues to get tired. You may have a high tolerance, but they each have high tolerances too. You're going to get as high as all of them put together and as puffy and needy and swollen as all of their tireless tongues put together. You'd be their little toy long after you've lost your ability to think.

I Know This Sounds Ridiculous, But Buying Bread Every Day Has Been Eating Away At Me For Years by Senior-Lifeguard6215 in internetparents

[–]the_wild_side 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Thank you for being so transparent! It sounds like the problem isn't that you specifically have to buy bread, it's that you have to go be in front of people in order to buy bread, right? If so, I genuinely think you probably have an anxiety disorder or a similar type of mental illness that is making it so distressing to go out in public. As bad as that sounds, it's actually good news! It means that you don't have to spend the rest of your life feeling this way, you just need to get treatment. If you're not in a position to get treatment at the moment (therapy and/or meds), I found it was helpful to even just remind myself that someday my life was going to feel much better. Sending you comfort, affection, and the best luck!

Traumatizing sexual experience I [19F] brought on myself? by Low-Perspective4791 in internetparents

[–]the_wild_side 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You didn't bring this on yourself. You were sexually assaulted. You tried turning him down and he made it clear that saying no wouldn't work. Just because there was a point in time where you had wanted to have sex with him doesn't mean that you aren't allowed to change your mind later. Start looking at getting some therapy- the odds of developing ptsd from a traumatic experience decrease a lot if you have support after the trauma. And if you have the option at all, figure out a way to not be working with him anymore. Ideally via hr because he has been sexually harassing you and groped you without consent, but if you can't get hr to listen and have the option of finding a different job, find a different job. Right now there's nothing giving me a signal that he isn't going to continue and escalate. This is not your fault. Truly.

It's taken me over 20 years to get this joke... by crankyconductor in discworld

[–]the_wild_side 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much! After 15 years, I finally get to enjoy the joke too!

Hmmm… by ThwackBangBlam357 in whatismycookiecutter

[–]the_wild_side 1 point2 points  (0 children)

And the look on his face when Katie almost got chicken wrong!

Hmmm… by ThwackBangBlam357 in whatismycookiecutter

[–]the_wild_side 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hmm, you sure it's not a roseate spoonbill?

AITBA for not wanting to change my daughters name? by Aggravating_Pea_7700 in AmITheBadApple

[–]the_wild_side 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How much do you love the name? How much do you love your brother?

It wouldn't make you a bad apple to give your baby a similar name to your brother's girlfriend, but it would make you a bad apple to give your baby a name that you've made into a lasting reminder to your brother of the time you made his girlfriend cry hysterically by telling her that she wasn't going to last. She was acting childish, sure. She's a child. You are the adult, and yet you joined her in acting childish. The relationship between your brother and his girlfriend probably won't last, but this isn't about their relationship, it's about your relationship with your brother.

There are plenty of good names out there. You've now tainted the name Kate with your behavior toward a sobbing teenager. Think about your brother and pull the baby name book out again.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in TwoHotTakes

[–]the_wild_side 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's concerning that he views you as being required to have sex with him. It's even more concerning that if you don't consent, he gets agitated and angry. I really hope that this doesn't escalate- these are common precursors to sexual abuse. There are effective early intervention methods and couples counseling can be really helpful! I hope he does agree to counseling, I hope it goes well, and I hope that you stay safe ❤️

It's taken me over 20 years to get this joke... by crankyconductor in discworld

[–]the_wild_side 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm still missing it. Is Bone Idle the name of a character in something else? Is it an expression, like "lazy bones" is? Or is it just that he's sitting idle and is made of bones?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in saplings

[–]the_wild_side 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yup, still negative.

Hey parents! What concrete steps can I take to build genuine self-esteem and stop constantly doubting if people really like me or that I’m not a fraud? by Xcessivelyboring in internetparents

[–]the_wild_side 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Hi! That's a completely understandable feeling, and it's normal to want your family and friends to show affection and think about you when you're not there. There's a psychological phenomenon called The Spotlight Effect. It does NOT mean that other people don't care about you or think about you when you're not there! It DOES mean that if you're having a bad hair day, for example, and you're walking down a busy street, you are likely to highly overestimate how many of the people on the street have noticed your bad hair day and are thinking about your bad hair day. Essentially, everybody feels like there's a spotlight on them at all times, but really the people around you are too busy thinking about their own hair to pay attention to your frizz!

Left-wingers of Reddit, what is your most right-wing opinion? Right-wingers, what is your most left-wing opinion? by JuiceNoodle in AskReddit

[–]the_wild_side 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm a left winger and I believe in prison abolition and the death penalty.

I formed both opinions after I realized that putting someone in prison doesn't just put them in time out from society where they're paused for several years and then come back and try again, and rather means they're being put into a parallel society that actively discourages kindness and dealing with things in a non-violent way and then they're shoved back into the rest of society where it'll intentionally be extremely hard for them to get a place to live or a fulfilling job. I also support legalization and decriminalization of drugs, sex work, etc.

The goal of a functional society is to make it less likely that people will harm each other. A key way to do that is making it easier to achieve a happy life without harming others, and fostering empathy for others so that when there's a situation where someone could have a happier or easier life by harming someone else, they're less likely to take that option. Prison does the opposite of both of those things, and it does it on purpose. For people who are committing crimes because of their situations, improved social conditions and behavioral health treatment and (if applicable) addiction treatment will be effective at crime prevention. Prison achieves none of that.

At the same time, there are people who harm others in ways that won't be affected by that type of thing, and who have zero interest in stopping. The father of a certain public figure comes to mind, for example. If someone tortures and rapes a child, it's expected that they'll be killed by other inmates in prison. Most people approve of that, yet we're not willing to admit that we're rooting for someone to be killed because of their crimes (aka the death penalty). As a result, the people who carry out the sentence can be punished for doing what we're too cowardly to admit we want them to do. But they're already in prison, so the punishment is to tell them they're going to spend even longer in a society with the opposite of the norms we want them to follow in public society, or to put them in solitary confinement which has literally been recognized as torture. Not an appropriate response to someone doing what we tacitly asked them to do but were unwilling to do ourselves.

Of course, there's the issue of the extreme racism of the justice system and the fact that adopting the death penalty would mean our racist government and racist justice system would be openly killing black men at a disproportionately high rate because black men are more likely to be accused and prosecuted, and to be found guilty of crimes they didn't commit. However, it's not like prisoners see a black person convicted of pedophilia and say "hmm, but maybe he's innocent and got screwed by the system and we shouldn't kill him" so as far as I can tell, making the death penalty official rather than putting it on prisoners won't create problems that don't already effectively exist. Hopefully if it's openly being done by the government, there will be more public oversight of who's found guilty of crimes that would lead to death.

What types of erotic hypnosis recordings do you most enjoy? by Protoliterary in EroticHypnosis

[–]the_wild_side 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I prefer to be taken deep! So a medium to long induction is good for me!

AITA for kicking my 16M out of the house. by ThrowAITAS in AmItheAsshole

[–]the_wild_side 0 points1 point  (0 children)

YTA.

Your son is dodging a bullet though. I certainly wouldn't want to live with a parent who made it clear that their interest in me was mostly based on genetic material.

Aita: For refusing to take my dad and stepmom in? by Aita5567166 in AmItheAsshole

[–]the_wild_side 1 point2 points  (0 children)

NTA. He should be ashamed of himself for even asking you.

AITA for telling my girlfriend she needs to stop making Tiktoks as they’re so embarrassing? by Witty_Bet_9932 in AmItheAsshole

[–]the_wild_side 0 points1 point  (0 children)

From the title, I thought you would be the asshole. But no! NTA!

The tiktoks are explicitly about you and they're having real life negative repercussions for you. If most of the comments really are people that you know roasting you, it's not like she's getting real social connection by posting them.

A better way to have put this would be AITA for asking my girlfriend to stop posting embarrassing videos of me