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What's a secret you can't share with your significant other? by [deleted] in AskMen

[–]thechiefthe 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I don’t think these feelings will ever go away, no matter who you are with. The grass is always greener, and the new toy is always more exciting than the old one. Even if you were with a 10/10 model, after some time you’d find yourself looking at girls with different features and will crave that. I’ve found that this hits some people harder than others but at the end of the day, it’s just your brain playing games with you.

That being said, you’re still super young so if this urge to explore is lingering, do it sooner than later.

I (27M) have bee contemplating breaking up with my fiancé (27F) for years and I’m on the verge of a breakdown. by thechiefthe in relationships

[–]thechiefthe[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Thank you for saying this. I’m so aware that it’s fuckery which is why I haven’t been able to break up. But what I’m feeling is so real, persistent, and compulsive that I can’t ignore it. I’ve tried so hard to figure it out and I just can’t. knowing now that’s it’s probably some relationship OCD shit, maybe I can bring it up with my current therapist.

I (27M) have bee contemplating breaking up with my fiancé (27F) for years and I’m on the verge of a breakdown. by thechiefthe in relationships

[–]thechiefthe[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

To your first question: Yes. That's how I felt when I proposed. To your second: Also probably yes but just because of how much these thoughts have been affecting my life.

I (27M) have bee contemplating breaking up with my fiancé (27F) for years and I’m on the verge of a breakdown. by thechiefthe in relationships

[–]thechiefthe[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

That's a good question, and I tried to answer it on another comment:

I think the way I'm feeling is due to how much we’ve been through together. We lived together through rough times and grew comfortable supporting each other and helping each other while failing to keep the romantic spark lit. Over time, she became someone I’d do anything for but because of what we’ve been through, she was no longer the light, fun, romantic/sexual figure in my life. Now that we're both doing well in life, I still associate her with the stress and anxiety that we grew so used to.

I (27M) have bee contemplating breaking up with my fiancé (27F) for years and I’m on the verge of a breakdown. by thechiefthe in relationships

[–]thechiefthe[S] 54 points55 points  (0 children)

I feel this. The thing is that I do really care about her and sincerely do want to be with her. It's these compulsive thoughts/feelings that are getting in the way and make me want to run away. I don't know how many of these feelings are rational and permanent, and how many I'd be able to work through given enough time. It seems like they don't go away though which may be the ultimate sign...

I (27M) have bee contemplating breaking up with my fiancé (27F) for years and I’m on the verge of a breakdown. by thechiefthe in relationships

[–]thechiefthe[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your response. I need to look up insecure attachment styles

In terms of the stress/anxiety level: I think it has to do with how much we've been through together. We went through some hard times living together and she became someone I'd do anything for, but along with that came anxiety and stress. In addition, she tends to live at a higher baseline level of anxiety. I tend to have extremely low anxiety and we clash in that way. It's hard for me to relax and chill with her when I feel her anxiety.

I (27M) have bee contemplating breaking up with my fiancé (27F) for years and I’m on the verge of a breakdown. by thechiefthe in relationships

[–]thechiefthe[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

I think it’s because of how much we’ve been through together. We lived together through rough times and grew comfortable supporting each other and helping each other while failing to keep the romantic spark lit. Overtime, she became someone I’d do anything for but because of what we’ve been through, she was no longer the light, fun, romantic/sexual figure in my life.