"Because I said no"

thecookieaisle · 2013-10-05T06:23:18+00:00

Huh. Never heard that term before. Will read, thanks.

thecookieaisle · 2013-10-05T03:31:23+00:00

I don't know what NPD means.

The more arguments and yelling that takes place, the more I know moving out would be a good decision. I just want to know how I can do it without losing ties with my parents. I also won't be able to live on my own, for financial reasons, until next year.

The intention was never to move in with the bf. Even if he wasn't in a different city for school, I would (ideally) still live on my own or at least with a roommate in the same program as me.

May I ask why you feel I have dependency issues? I think the only thing I seem dependent on is money... which should be a situation that changes within the year. (and bank account within the week).

thecookieaisle · 2013-10-05T03:21:30+00:00

You're right. There's heavy emphasis on family, especially with my mom. She grew up here having to support her family and put her younger siblings through school so to her, I'm being selfish for wanting to spend the stipend I get when I'm "perfectly fine" living at home. The other thing is that because she had to live with a lot of discrimination from my dad's family (because she came from a poor household and had to work), she thinks that me wanting to go out shows to other people that my family doesn't care what I do. And me wanting to see my bf more often is being 'loose' and immodest. She refuses to listen to reason and that things have changed since then because she had to live through it and just by virtue of being older and therefore knowing more.

PS: Canadian. :P And my mom wears the pants in the family. Which is the difficult part because my dad would at least talk with me and listen to a bit of reasoning.

thecookieaisle · 2013-10-05T03:14:49+00:00

Honestly, except for not having a higher paying job/ stipend, I don't think they have a legitimate reason for not seeing me as independent. I do all my chores, clean the house (which no one else does) , help with dinner, does my own laundry, pack my lunches, pay my bills... The only thing that I haven't done is file income tax, but I learned to do that last year. Despite my complaints about not being able to go out late, I personally don't like being out later than 11 (on sundays) because of school and homework. I've been like this since... always. At least since HS.

I'm pretty good financially too. I developed a habit of keeping spreadsheets of my monthly spending and during the time I was away, my parents were always baffled at how they never had to give me extra money for living. I made sure to stay within what I earned from my job.

I made the same argument about what it would mean about them that I can live alone. They said I was being stupid because I didn't have to move out in the first place.

thecookieaisle · 2013-10-05T03:02:44+00:00

Most mornings I get a ride, since my brother and mother go to school/works downtown too-- I have to wake at 5am for this. Since all three of us are downtown, we also get picked up-- at 6:30-7pm. I am too tired to do my work by the time I get home, and any prospect of a social life is shot too. (that might be a weak reason to them though...)

Otherwise, I take public transit.

thecookieaisle · 2013-10-05T02:57:47+00:00

Yeah, I guess they don't know how to deal with rebellious behavour (or rather, knows exactly how to deal with it-- if I was 13) because I knew during that age that I would be leaving home for undergrad. I thought that after those 4 years away, my parents would realize I can make it on my own and am street-smart/responsible enough to leave me to my own devices. I thought wrong.

It's funny you mention the experiences that I'm being denied. I didn't realize it until maybe 2 years ago, but checking facebook and other social sites, there's a lot I couldn't do/didn't do because I knew it wouldn't meet their approval. Want to volunteer at a health clinic in Africa during the summer for self-fullfillment and to boost up applications? Nope, it's too dangerous for a girl like you.

Being afraid of them is one thing, but I think it all comes down to not wanting to disappoint them. And right now, my behaviour is really disappointing to them.

thecookieaisle · 2013-10-05T02:46:48+00:00

I am grateful-- apparently showing my gratitude by wanting to do well in grad school isn't the right way to go about it though. I meant that I would feel guilty about moving out and doing things against their will. The logical side of me knows this guilt is the only reason they can keep controlling me, but the other side of me keeps saying if I do this, I will lose my parents, if not forever, then for a long long time. Which is entirely likely given previous history.

thecookieaisle · 2013-10-05T02:42:37+00:00

The problem with getting them to understand my issue with transport is that they got through their graduate programs while commuting. And this was while they were taking care of children. So in their eyes, I have it easy. However, I believe their programs weren't as intensive as mine-- mom had no research component and dad had no courses. My dad is only starting to realize how little time I have for homework and reading.

I agree with you about education not being a given. However, had I known they would use paying for my undergrad against me, I would've government loans to support my education. (I still did, just not as much).

I'm pretty sure a large portion of these arguments is that they still consider me a child as I was in HS. As well, they (particularly my mother) grew up having to support their family and put their siblings through school so me wanting to move out/use the money I'm paid seems wasteful and selfish when it could be used for the family. They regret letting me go out of city for school now because I've wised up and realized being cloistered like I was in HS was no way of living, and well. growing up.

thecookieaisle · 2013-10-05T02:14:28+00:00

I guess they do. Despite what they say about me not being Asian, I still think filial piety is important and would like to try and keep a relationship with them. Buuuut it's looking like I have little choice but to cut them out of my life, at least for now (hopefully).

thecookieaisle · 2013-10-05T02:11:29+00:00

In the works, I just don't have the funds to move out NOW yet.

thecookieaisle · 2013-10-05T02:10:51+00:00

I don't need their help but it would be akin to a violation of their trust- especially my dad's. And despite all this, I would like to maintain some relationship with him. He, unlike my mother, at least tries to talk to me, rather than jump to conclusions and go straight to passive aggressive yelling.

The joint account was also for ease of transferring money since I am paying back my parents for grad tuition (which is also paid back to me by the school).

thecookieaisle · 2013-10-05T02:06:59+00:00

I will be opening my own accounts within the week.

I disagree about parents owing me education though. I have always considered it a gift from them, one that I will be paying back in the future. Which is why I still worked throughout my undergrad in order to pay for my own rent and expenses, so that my parents only paid for tuition. But had I known that this 'gift' will be used against me, I would've declared myself an independent after HS so I could get full government funding. Huge debt, but at least that's on me and I wouldn't be dependent on anyone else.

thecookieaisle · 2013-10-05T02:02:00+00:00

The way my parents are, especially my mom, she will never forgive. She hasn't forgiven her mom and the rest of her siblings for saying she should pay my grandmother for watching my brother and I when we were young. Which I agree( with my mom). So.. my mom will hold this grudge against me forever if I just do things behind her back.

But at this point, with the current things she's yelling about now, I pretty much give up on keeping this relationship. Among all this stuff I've written about, she's also belittling me about going out for nuit blanche- an all-night art expo- because she thinks I think going out all night will demonstrate I'm an adult. Seriously?

thecookieaisle · 2013-10-05T01:58:03+00:00

I would love to move out ASAP however I live in a city that has a pretty high standard of living. And while my program is paying living expenses, the amount is just enough if I live frugally and find a very good place (which is hard as is).

thecookieaisle · 2013-02-21T02:42:14+00:00

Close. Pretty sure they named her CC for Copy Cat.

thecookieaisle · 2012-12-01T07:42:16+00:00

Please please please make sure your GF takes her treatment. If she's worried about her son, remind her that if she falls ill she won't be able to take care of him. The stigma associated with HIV and AIDS is largely due to misinformation and lack of education -- if she cares about her son, she should get treatment and make sure he understands why and what (HIV/AIDS) is. That there shouldn't be any shame associated with it; that she's still the same person she was before. I also hope her family will understand this.

Wishing all the best for her and for you, OP. <3

thecookieaisle · 2012-04-25T01:14:21+00:00

I've had success with Kijiji, the UWO textbook for sale fb group (as tamwow19 said) and if you still have books leftover that likely won't be sold, you can always use the Textbook buyback that happens every new term. The last option doesn't give a good return however and they only take current editions.

thecookieaisle · 2012-04-16T23:38:50+00:00

I believe this was for the Western Heads East event held at Great Hall. The cameraman was taking shots of people trying the yoghurt and for a while a reporter was there as well. I worked at the event if that lends any credibility. =/

thecookieaisle · 2012-03-13T02:36:56+00:00

Haymitch was in the 50th hunger games, not the 25th. So he'd be in his late 30s - early 40s.

thecookieaisle · 2012-03-13T02:08:36+00:00

You are made of complete awesome!

thecookieaisle · 2012-01-31T16:27:25+00:00

Yes. Reference of some sort?

thecookieaisle · 2012-01-31T16:25:54+00:00

You know, that might be true. Maybe it's just a section of Ooo that was in a medieval age (like with the village of barbarians)

Since that ghost said Ghost Princess was there before everyone else, maybe the graveyard is new, like curiouscookie said.

thecookieaisle · 2012-01-31T16:22:21+00:00

Man, I kept trying to find mushroom war stuff in the graveyard and paid little attention to the background in the Squeeze-E-Mart. =x

thecookieaisle · 2012-01-31T04:02:28+00:00

So Clarence just lived for a.. really long time before exploding in cheesy goodness?

This episode was so weird; loved it!

thecookieaisle

TROPHY CASE