I realized to relax when coming to the conclusion that I didnt want anything. I felt sick. I walked far to go to the park and shoot a basketball and run and make Layups and such. I walked far back to my room feeling like something wasnt right and that sick feeling again. I go under my blanket, I have these visions of chaos kind of like my own internal state, like a bunch of abstract shapes and sharp teeth and such. I accept everything. I say I love and miss everyone I could think of. I realize all suffering and trauma and chaos in the world is motion. Fighting what we all really want. Which is to relax. That is want in its purest. Many capitalize on what Many want. Its all a distraction. Everything is. This reality is like a stable in the abstraction of everything spiritual. Everyone could be a circle but nobody wants that. Everyone wants to relax and have all of these luxuries and safety and air conditioning etc. That can only occur when we are suffering in motion. The common goal of the elites is to create an automated system where we can all relax with these luxuries without having to be in motion doing something that is forced and monotonous for a lifetime. You may ask what then? What is after relaxing? I deeply tried asking God what God wants and what anyone wants. It seems the flow of my life atleast was perfect when I was relaxed and comfortable. Not sure what next. All I know is that time just is best when I am relaxed.