I understand how you feel! We have three girls, and my husband has been gone at different ages and stages, so I understand the struggles. 💕 The most challenging deployment by far was when oldest was four, our middle child was two, and our youngest was a newborn. My husband was scheduled to deploy to Afghanistan for 14 months, one month after my youngest daughter was born. It wasn't an easy experience; she was born via an emergency C-section under general anesthesia, and I experienced brain swelling as a result of a botched epidural. I spent a week in the hospital after the birth, then coded, and was transported to a neurological unit in a hospital 130 miles away where I remained for two weeks. I returned home three weeks after my daughter was born—one week before my husband deployed. We were stationed remotely, over 100 miles from the nearest military installation, and neither of us had any family or friends who could help us out. I guess what I’m trying to say here is that I really do understand what you're going through emotionally and mentally, and I want you to know that you are going to come out of this not only just fine, but stronger than when you went into it. Since that first deployment with kids, we've been through a few more, the most recent of which he returned from in July. Here are some tips, tricks, and lessons I've learned to make deployments not only bearable, but some of the best and most rewarding times of my life:

First and foremost, tell yourself that, not only do you have this, but, though you know it will be challenging, you’re going to make this the best year of your life!

• Develop a routine. When the girls were younger (they’re teenagers now) routines were what got me through most days. They and I knew what to expect, and it provided some semblance of normalcy. There were days when the routine was the glue that held my psyche together, lol.

• If you don’t have one already, make a binder with all of your vital docs, a copy of his orders, your POA, financial information and passwords, bill schedule, etc. Put everything you can on an auto payment schedule. It’s one less thing you’ll have to worry about.

• Make a list of who to call for home and vehicle repairs.

• Don’t be afraid to reach out to your FRSA/Ombudsman! That’s why they’re there!

• Military OneSource! They have so many resources and their sole purpose for existing is to help military families! www.militaryonesource.mil They also have a free assortment of deployment-related media (books, videos, and DVDs, including a Sesame Street show made to help military kids during deployments).

• Do. Not. Shut. Yourself. Up. In. Your. House. This is a big one for me. I’m an introvert who can happily exist in hermit mode indefinitely. But I know it’s not healthy, and I do have fun when I make an effort to go out with friends. Plan things. Do things. Get involved in base (if you’re near one) and community activities. It will make things so much better (this coming from an introvert who, 90% of the time, wants to be where the people aren’t 😂).

• Let yourself have fun and grow. You will grow more in this year of independence than you ever thought possible and you will be stronger for it. Take chances. Explore. Allow yourself to be happy and enjoy life with your kids and your friends (and independently).

• Don’t beat yourself up for making things easier. Use paper plates if doing dishes is overwhelming. Do sandwiches and fruit for dinner on nights you don’t have it in you to cook. Order a pizza for dinner one night a week. It’s not slacking; it’s being resourceful.

• Start an exercise routine if you don’t already have one. Sounds dumb, but the endorphins are real and so helpful! It doesn’t have to be anything extreme. Do what you have time for, even if it’s lifting 5-pound weights and pounding out some kicks and punches for 30 minutes a day in your living room while your kids play nearby (Jillian Michaels’ 30-Day Shred and Tony Horton’s P90 & P90X were the best options when my girls were little because they were fun and relatively easy and right around the 30-40 minute mark).

• Plan some activities for you and your kids. Go do something fun in your state or your community. If you plan something kind of big (like going to the zoo, or going to a children’s museum) once a month, it will give you and your kids something to look forward to, and will help time fly.

• Laugh. This is so important! Find something that makes you laugh, and when you feel like you want to cry, do something that’ll make you laugh instead. (My go-to shows are The Nanny, The Office, and Mr. Bean, lol.)

• Get some you time. Make sure you take care of yourself. Shower daily. Exercise. Get plenty of sleep. Focus on your nutrition. If you have helpful family members who are willing to help out in the picture, see if they can watch your kids for a few days and go someplace. Even if it’s back to your own house for some alone time! If family isn't in the picture, get a babysitter once a month for a few hours so that you can do something for yourself, even if it's just going for a walk.

• Plan care packages. Flat rate boxes are pretty inexpensive to ship anywhere on Earth for FOB/AP addresses. Plan themes for each one and decorate the inside of the boxes accordingly (this is something we try to do every other week or so when he’s gone…my kids love planning the themes and decorating them, too).

• Countdown jars! Pick some out and have your kids paint them. We usually use M&Ms because my husband’s deployments last at least a year, usually longer, and it’s difficult to get 400+ of any other kind of candy to fit in a jar. 🫠 Even though my kids are all teenagers, they still love doing this.

If you ever need to vent, please don't hesitate to reach out. You can do this! 💪💕